RafexKiara Tangled Up in All Your Pieces // Riara

Chapter 6

Rafe's POV

Because I purposefully show different aspects of myself to different people, I'm like a jigsaw puzzle that no one can put together. Nobody enjoys the whole picture - only the small details polished to a point of 'acceptance' for a show.

I don't act fake, I'm very real. However, I keep a lot of things hidden for the reason that I believe knowledge is power, and only by knowing life's most intimate details can a person harm you.

Not everyone gets the same version of me. One person might tell you I am an amazing beautiful soul. Another person will say I'm a cold-hearted bitch. Believe them both, I will act accordingly.

If you continue to suppress the parts of yourself that scare you, they may become uncontrollable. Bringing it to light, tracing its origins, and addressing the issue will help you cope with your inner turmoil.

We keep these things within ourselves that no one else can see. They act as anchors, tying us down. They drown us at sea.

I have a father, but never had a dad.

Growing up, my father was someone I looked up to, but I'm not sure I want to look up to him anymore. I sometimes feel like I'm a burden to him, and that Sarah, even if she did something wrong, he wouldn't care because he loved her too much. I'm not sure what I did to my father to make him treat me this way. I want his undivided attention and his love.

It seemed as if my father only needed me when he was in trouble, with Hart. I'm cleaning up after him because I don't want him to abandon me like my mother did. It's a risky business, but I'd go to any length to keep him safe. I'm running late with the money I need to give Hart. My father is, but I know if he doesn't give Hart the money, it's game over. I'm also in debt to Barry, whom I was supposed to pay last month along with Hart.

It pains me to say this, but Hart treated me in ways that my father would never. I'm not justifying his actions as a drug dealer, but his words mean something to me when he's in a good mood. Words that my father would never say to me because everything that comes out of his mouth is difficult for me to believe.

Sarah was special to me because she was my sister. Her and Wheezie are the only two people I have a blood connection with because we all share the same mother. I'm missing her. Even though I despise her, I love her. I still love her despite the fact that it feels like she stole my own father from me.

It's difficult to admit, but I miss Sarah. We used to be close when we were younger, but that has changed since dad got involved in shady business. But I don't understand how he can treat her like a princess when she would turn the other cheek if she knew what he did behind closed doors.

Is it my fault? What did I do to cause him to act this way? I wish I had known. I wish he could love me as much as he does Sarah. I hope he would accept me for who I am, hold me in his arms, and tell me he loves me.

I know I sound like a pitiful little bitch whining like a little girl. However, I feel like I'd have to portray that kind of turmoil for my father to truly see and love me. But maybe I can show him that he, too, can love me like Sarah. Sarah is gone.

Now I have a chance to get his undivided attention. I need his undivided attention. I desire his affection. I want him to look me in the eyes and call me "son" as if he means it. I'm willing to devote myself to any length to maintain that father-son bond.

Maybe if I tell him about Hart and how I've got his back, he'll pat me on the back and call me'son.' I want him to know I've got his back. I'm planning to give Hart the money so that my father can see that I'm responsible and capable of handling such a business. He must believe that I am capable of being his son.