Go, Go, Go

I might need help.

Kellins Pov.

                Sometimes I think my life is worthless without him. Its everyday I listen to any one song and brings back all these memories. I remember when we used to cuddle, laugh at the stars, run around in the beautiful spring football field after school hours. I also remember all of his kisses. The smiles and happiness he brought me. We'd go to carnivals, amusement parks, concerts...and at each and every one, no matter how many people were watching, we were one. We couldn't stay away from each other..Our lips were craving for one anther's. And to know that he was in so much pain to actually end his life..kills me everyday, forever and always. How I loved that orange haired boy. He was everything to me and I think to myself every damn day , 'Go with him Kellin. Go see him and be together forever again.' But then I think....no realize, Matty ...he wouldn't want that. I'm going to show him how strong I can be . For him. For me. For US. 

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Kellins Pov.

                   I was currently in Jesse's living room, crying as he comforted me. Its so easy to think positive but sometimes.. its a bit more difficult when all you can think is negative..sometimes you want to be sad . Sometimes you need to be sad. Or cry. This life wont be perfect and I believe.. to be happy is to be sad. That may not make sense but.. if this world had no mistakes...or problems...or lessons..or sadness...we wouldn't be happy. In fact we'd be sad. You can learn from mistakes, sadness, or lessons.. if we didn't have any of those.. this world would be insane. What have I learned in this world? To stay away . To not get close and keep up walls of steel.I've learned to stay away from love, push people away when they get too close..I've learned to not give a single fuck about anyone and their 'feelings'. In this world , If you aren't someone I am friends with, I don't care if you die. And you might ask, ' well Kellin, If you are your own enemy, why do you care about yourself? ' And see that's the problem. I don't - " Kellin you're getting call from a guy named...Vic. I scramble off the couch and pull my phone from Jesse. I needsomeone right now. " Hello?" I asked choking on my own tears. " Hi is this -" " This is Kellin Bostwick.." I interrupted him. I hate that last name. " Scratch that. Call me Kellin Quinn." I don't know why, just came off the to of my head. " Okay..Kellin. Your next appointment is -" " Now . Please." I begged , interrupting him once again. " Yes of course, anytime you need." He said and hung up. I rushed out of the house , Jesse following behind. " Uh- can you take me to counseling? I know im already wasting too much space but-" " Don't be ridiculous Kells. Get in the car." He said cutting me off and adding a sly smile. "Thank you ." I said , hopping in the car. Time to go meet Vic.

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Still Kellins Pov.

               As soon as we got there, I got out of the car, and hesitantly reached for the door. A flash of Anxietyand Panic settling in. I didn't want to be judged. All i could think about was getting judged. But I knew somewhere deep inside, that he wasn't going to judge me. " Kellin Bost- Quinn?" Said a voice coming from a very attractive teenage guy. That's not my councilor..right? Well if he is hopefully i can get some of that ass. " Uh yeah, right here. " I said, stopping my thoughts as Justin's voice raced through my mind. 'I can tell you're broken. Your smile doesn't quite reach your eyes . Maybe you've been used allot . Maybe you like to use people because of something traumatizing that happened to you-'And that's when I lost it, my brain going haywire as I thought of that traumatizing thing that happened to me. Matty. Please come back. I don't know how to love any- " Kellin?" I opened my eyes not realizing they were shut. Nor did i realize the amount of tears that would fall. Vic was crouched down in front of me , keeping the hair out of my face. " Hey ." He whispered, smiling gently at me. " I'll be your councilor. You should stop crying, it doesn't fit on beautiful people." He said pulling me in to a gentle hug. I froze. What the hell? I don't want sympathy . I don't want compliments." I want Help. " I said the last line aloud, catching both Vic and Jesse's attention. " Well, I am help, its nice to meet you kellin. I am also stress reliever and happiness. Can I stay by your side?"  Vic said smoothly. " No.Its impossible to make me happ-" " Come in my room please Kellin." Vic said cutting me off. I gladly stood up and wiped away some tears . " Thanks."