Go, Go, Go

You Dont Know Shit About Me .

Kellins Pov.
"Jesse , don't you think I've fucking tried ?! Every time I try to tell them they tell me , " Oh Kellin , you don't need a new councilor . You're being a bit too dramatic .." Blah blah blah. I'll make that bitch believe . She thinks she knows me ? Yeah fuck her and her sorry excuse for a "mom"." I said into the phone angrily . " Dude. Listen. You don't need a damn councilor to get you through shit. What happened to me ? Where do I stand in situations like this? I've always told you I'm here for you but you always reply with " it's none of your buisness ." Seriously Kellin it is my buisness if your on the verge of killing yourself every night! Damn. Tell me why it's so hard to come to ME about shit." Jesse replied annoyed . Seriously does he not fucking get it?! I'm afraid ! I can't lose Jesse . He thinks it's so easy for me to just come to him about things. But if he knew how crazy I was .. he'd leave - " Kellin! " I heard my mom yelling, cutting me out of my thoughts. I rolled my eyes and sighed , hanging up the phone without saying goodbye to Jesse. I got up from the floor and made my way to the hallway , making sure to dramatically slam my damn door on the way. This bitch knows not to interrupt me . Haha. Just kidding. Just being a " bit dramatic" arent I? Well, she's fucked with me too many - " Kellin ! " she yelled , cutting me out of my thoughts once again. " WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ?!" I yelled . After all , I was already beside the couch she was sitting at. She wasn't aware though, that's why she yelled again. Damn bitch. Mouth so loud my ear drums could burst. " You better drop with the fucking attitude before I stab your eye with my god damn fork." She said waving her fork ( that had a fucking sausage on it might I add) around in my face . After of moment of silence of me standing there and mentally cussing her out , she decided to speak again. " Now I'll tell you what the hell I want but you better grow some fucking balls and learn to respect your mother . Disrespectful prick . That's just cowardly. I haven't done a thing to you." She said calming down only a slight bit. " I'm sorry I'm just frustrated . " I said with a sigh . " Come on. Sit." She ordered calmly while patting the spot next to her . I gave her a weird look . What the hell was she up to ? I suspiciously walked over and sat down next to her . I swear if this is about sex I'm running away. "Mom can you get to it . It's eating me alive . " I said staring at the television in front of us . "Well first things first you can stop calling me a bitch. I can be a bitch if you want me to ." She said with her eyebrows raised as she stared down at her plate of food . " It hurts me Kellin because I love you and you don't love me. " I suddenly felt a wave up giult wash over me as I realized that she had heard me upstairs . " Mom I -" " Might want to close your door next time. " She said cutting me off. And that did it. I knew how much shed gone through in life . She was truly broken I had to admit. She sat in her room crying every night and I wouldn't go a day without having to see her cry in front of me and honestly, it broke my heart. I know I just called her names but, I have anger problems .. Badly .. Along with a case of bi- polar.. And that's not exactly a good mix . " Mom I do love you. And I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I forgot to take my meds-" " Quit blaming your disorder for shit like this all the time Kellin. You can take control if you just try. You don't have to call me names every time you get mad . I know I'm fucking worthless but fucking help me out Kells . " She said , once again cutting me off . " Mom you aren't worthless . You mean the world to me. Please .. I swear I'll try to handle my disorder.. " I said sincerely. A moment of silence passed before she spoke up again, shoving her food to the side . " I got you a new councilor." At first I was shocked , then it just turned into happiness from there . "Really? " I asked trying not to sound too excited . " His name is Victor . It took me a long time to find someone that helps with your problems . " She said finally looking up at me . " Sweet! Thanks mom." I said engulfing her in a hug. " Yeah. You better be happy. I was planning on spending that money on a councilor for myself . " She said standing up. Instantly I regretted asking her for a new one. She needed one. Her self harm wasn't getting any better. " Mom you didn't have to .." I said with guilt . " But I wanted to . " She said . " You'll be meeting him in a few days . " She turned and walked up the stairs mumbling a quick ' goodnight ' and ' I love you' on the way. Hm.. New councilor? Okay I guess we could give this a try.