Go, Go, Go

Dont say anything .

Kellins Pov.
Once we settled in Vic's office , all I could talk about was Matty. How I feel lost without him. How my chest literally physically hurts . My eyes are hard to keep open. I'm dreary . I can't rest . I can't think straight . Why - " Kellin.." Vic said softly . I looked up to find him staring at me with a hint of sympathy. " Fuck off for right now okay?" I said as tears poured out of my eyes. Truth is , I didn't want him to "fuck off" . I wanted- no. Needed him to stay. I was begging in my mind for him to stay . I needed help. " No." He said firmly and scooted closer . " Get the fuck away! " I screamed as more tears rushed out. " Listen Vic I've recently found out that my own family doesn't want me. That I'm a pain in the fucking ass. They kicked me out Vic! " I screamed before even thinking. My heart dropped at realization of what I had said . A moment of silence arose before I decided to speak up again. " Hah... just Uh.. just kidding.." I said weakly , tears forming again. I did my best to hold them back but as soon as Vic engulfed me in a hug, all emotions just seem to fall out of me as I collapsed in his arms. Vic rubbed soothing circles in my back as I calmed down a bit. Nothing was running through my mind at this point. It seemed as if the world had stopped . Somehow I was at peace in a hug I had never had before. Sure I had gotten hugs from my mother , but she wouldn't hug me to make me feel better. She's always hug me because she was crying . Because she needed it.. it was never about me . Somewhere though, I felt that wasn't true . But the only time that seemed to be untrue was the last time she hugged me ... Because we were both sad. Vic.. he was hugging me because I needed it.. not him. And it felt great because he was such a positive energy,and I was such a negative emergy , that it felt so diffrent it felt as if it were a stress reliever . " Its known that hugs relieve stress quicker than anything else. Well other than kissing ." He said, seemingly reading my mind. And somehow , some way, he got a tiny chuckle out of me. It wasn't real.. but it was something. For once it wasn't a frown or a tear.. it was a chuckle. And I hadn't had one of those in a minute. He pulled back and smiled , wiping away the stray tears on my face. " Kellin. You are VERY important in this world , do you hear me? You have the potential to be something very great in this world and I believe that you will be. You'll never be worthless or a waste of space-" " But-" I tried interrupting but was quickly stopped by the swift move of Vic grabbing my hand and holding it up to my heart. " You feel that?" He said , his hand placed firmly over mine to make sure I wouldn't move. I payed attention to my rapidly beating heart and nodded . " That is a heart. That is Your heart , Kellin. You are a living , breathing purpose . You have a reason to be here . And that heart of yours is why. Deep down you are Something GREAT." He said with a gentle smile. I smiled . Because for once in my life , I actually felt something. Not through pain, but through my own beating heart. And that poor weak thing.. it has a reason it's beating. It's staying strong. I'm staying strong. And without Vic's help I would've never been able to realize that. " Do you want me to get you into a foster home?" He said after a moment. " NO. P-please .. " I trailed off thinking of the worst. " Okay relax , take a deep breath," and I did so, " , and listen. " He finished looking me in the eyes. " Would you like to stay with me ? " My breath hitched in my throat as I quickly shook my head . " I-I'm staying with Jess.." I said . Why have I suddenly started stuttering. " Okay. Well, here," he paused, handing me a slip of paper. I looked at it and saw 7 digits on it with a side note saying " Vic's Number. Call if you need Anything. Please. I'll be here." I mentally smiled to myself. " , that's my number . And if you need ANYTHING. I mean ANYTHING. Just text or call and mark my words, I'll be there." He said . Suddenly there was a knock on the door . Looking up to the clock, he stood up and sighed . " Thatd be my next client. " I nodded and stood up as well , not expecting another hug from Vic . " Remeber Kellin, text or call and I'm there , really it'd be no problem at all. " He whispered In my ear . I pulled away and smiled . " Really thank you Vic I haven't even so much as smiled in ages ." I said and walked out of the room , heading off to Jesse.

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Still Kellins Pov.
It was currently 1:00 a.m and I was in my guest room at Jesse's house , yet again crying. My mom found a way to text me and tell me that her and my dad are happier than ever before and That's she's okay for once. And I can't help but think, that she's only okay because I'm not around anymore. They're happy now because I'm finally gone. And to hear that coming from my mom, killed me . Because not only did I think she loved me, but I thought I was her stress reliever in many ways. And now all I could think was .. ' You're so stupid. Ideot. Worthless. Unloveable. I texted Justin earlier in hopes that he'd come over and cheer me up but, he never answered his phone. The stress , the thoughts were eating me alive . I picked up my phone and typed in the 7 digits that I had gotten earlier today from a certain guy named Vic. Instantly I felt regret. I knew I bothered people . But I couldn't help but be selfish for my own needs this one time and call Vic for help. Because no one had EVER made me feel as at peace as he did. " Hello?" Vic finally answered . His voice was tired and croaky. " I-I'm sorry did I wake you?.." There we go with the damn stuttering again. It was obvious Vic had been dead asleep though, I just felt the need to ask. " Oh! No! No-Not at all. Is everything Okay Kellin?" He asked , trying to sound more awake. I couldn't help but smile a little . He was trying to make me feel as if I hadn't bothered him, and it was nice to feel that way. Although I had that small feeling of genuine happiness , it quickly dissappeared and I sighed . " No.." U admitted through the phone. " I'm on my way ." "
Wait what-" was all I could say before he hung up the phone.

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" By ' I'll be there' I didn't think youd actually be here. "I said with a chuckle. He laughed and nudged my side . " Eh, I'm pretty Litteral. " He said . We were currently sitting on my bed listening music . He managed to make me feel anything but worthless and stupid . He made me feel like I had a purpose once again , and I wasn't going to lie, I could get use to this . He opened my window and climbed out on the roof . I shot him a confused look and he just smiled . " I like staring at the stars. Especially at night. " He said . I full on laughed this time for the first time in FORVER . I joined him out on the roof and smiled . " Fun Fact : The stars only show up at night Vic ." I said with a chuckle. "Not to me ." He replied to which I just shook my head with a smile. What does that even mean? I Looked up to the stars and stared with deep thought. Suddenly memories of Matty flooded through my mind . I sighed and looked anywhere but the stars. " What's got you upset Kellin?" Vic said and shifted so he was facing me. " Just Matty. We always used to laugh at the stars . "
I say weakly. He shifted back to stare at the stars and looked as if he were in deep thought. " You know, " He said after a moment of silence . " I used to have my own Matty if you know what I mean." He said . I looked at him with my full attention and curiosity. " Go on.." I said . " His name was Jaime. We were just like you and Matty. Accept, I'm the one that left. " He explained , shifting his gaze to me. " Found him in bed with my best friend, Taylor. " He stated with a sigh. And in that moment, I felt sympathy, for what reason, who the hell knows. I don't get sympathetic towards anyone. " I was devistated. He was my whole world . Or so I thought. I self harmed , dealt with bulimia, and burned myself . All because I WANTED to slowly kill myself . It got to overdosage and drug use and alcohol abuse. I couldn't stand life. Or so I thought. I was worthless . Or so I thought. But .. I found the better in things .. and I Believe that one day I'll find someone that makes me truly happy and loves me unconditionally . And you know what? I believe you will too . " He said , keeping eye contact. " Really? " I said just above a whisper. " Yeah. I don't know Matty. But I know enough to know that, he cares about your happiness . He wouldn't want you to be constantly crying and self harming , because I know you do, and whatever else you do to tear yourself up just because he's not here . He'd want you to learn to love again because he loves you. If you love him, let him go. That doesn't mean you have to forget him, don't. Just.. try to find a reason to wake up in the morning again. Try to love again. " He said before lying down and shutting his eyes . I got up and crawled back inside , getting a blanket for us . I crawled back through the window and layed down next to him , throwing the cover over us both . " Goodnight Kellin." He said . " Goodnight Vic , and thank you so much ." I replied . we drifted off to sleep under the stars, our hands gently touching .