Taking On The World

The Push

Hey guys! I know most of you know about the tornadoes in Kentucky and across the south and mid-west. Please keep in your thoughts and say a little prayer for the families who have loss their family members, their homes, pets, and all small towns such as Mayfield, Bremen, and Dawson Springs in my home state that were pretty much completely wiped out by the tornadoes. They need all the prayers and thought they can get so please take a moment and think of them.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes.

Enjoy!

The Push

"Are you ready to talk about what is going on with you and Lucas?"

Riley stopped folding her laundry from her spot on the couch to look over at her best friend who was on the floor surrounded by a bunch of boxes, opening up packages that were delivered to her apartment.

Maya came over earlier in the morning to get more of her and Josh's clothes to bring back to her parents' place and to drop off some of her baby things she wanted to keep in her apartment instead of over at her parents'. She decided to hang out with Riley while Riley did her laundry and she opened packages up from her sponsors that sent them to her home address instead of her parents'.

Riley knew she couldn't keep putting the topic of her and Lucas off. Maya had respected her wishes about not wanting to talk about it for weeks now and gave her all the space in the world. She even let Riley and the kids stay in her and Josh's apartment while she tried to figure things out, but now Riley realized Maya was about to give her the push she needed to start to move forward and start talking. She knew she couldn't run forever and it was time to stop running and start figuring things out. Her kids deserved for her to figure out what was happening between her and their daddy. She was getting to use to running and made herself way to comfortable in Josh and Maya's home to hide from her problems. Her kids deserved to be back home in their own beds, and Josh and Maya deserved to move back into their apartment if they wanted to. She let out a sigh before finally letting Maya in.

"Lucas thinks I'm not happy in our marriage," she admitted, hated hearing herself say it out loud.

Maya looked up from her package to raised an eyebrow, shocked.

"I know," Riley nodded, trying to keep it together. "I am happy. I love Lucas and I love my life with him. I love our kids. I love my job..."

"But?" Maya asked, hesitantly.

Riley swallowed, shaking her head, "There is no buts. At least I don't think there is. Some people might look at it as a but, but I don't."

"Well why don't you tell me and I can tell you what I think?"

Riley nodded, but remained quiet for what felt like forever before finally telling Maya what was running through her head. "I was looking at your pictures," she began to explain, softly, making Maya a little nervous about what she might confess. "And I started thinking and wondering-and I don't think it is bad but sometimes I wonder if I would be where I am if I didn't get pregnant," she confessed honestly. "I know I would still be with Lucas but would be married with kids or would still be just boyfriend and girlfriend, traveling, seeing and experiencing things, maybe just now getting engaged. Lucas and I didn't get to go out and really experience things before we were tied down with kids. I got pregnant with Penny right after we stared college and Lucas joined the military. I know you got tied down in marriage before you even started college but you and Josh still got to live. You got to take trips together and go on dates and to parties with friends and just be the two of you. Individually and as a couple. You didn't have to worry about a baby-sitter or feeling bad for being out when your child is at home. I don't regret my children but I do wonder where we would be if we didn't get pregnant. I know I sound selfish or regretful but I don't regret my life. I want that to be clear. I love my husband and our children and I would pick this life over and over and over again. I'm happy I have the life I have. I'm scared of losing Lucas and our life."

Maya rested a hand on her growing stomach. "I don't think your selfish or you don't love your kids," she told Riley, easing some of Riley's worries. "I think a lot of people in your shoes would feel and think some of the same thing. I'm sure some of your same thoughts have ran across Lucas's mind but maybe in different ways."

Riley nodded, sitting back on the couch. She didn't dare look over at Maya as she asked her next question, softly. "Have you ever felt like you missed out because of getting married while still in high school?"

Maya pressed her lips together, not really sure what to say and scared to say the wrong thing. "No," she answered, honestly.

"Of course," Riley muttered, rolling her eyes.

Maya sighed, slowly standing up to have a seat next to Riley. "But some people would say I did but I don't feel that way. Some people believe me being married held me back and made me miss out on experiences because I had a husband but I love I got to experience the things I did with my husband. It wasn't like Josh told me no I couldn't do something or I couldn't do things on my own. I just had Josh who had my back. But I've always got assumptions about things when it came to Josh since I met Josh. A lot of people said I missed out on things or would miss out on things because of him and tried to get me away from him because I waited to be with him. But I never felt that way and I always felt so sure of Josh and we were meant to be."

Riley nodded, remembering how Zay told Maya to not miss right now because of Josh. "Just like I knew Lucas was meant for me."

Maya smiled, slowly nodding. "Yeah. If you don't believe in you and your relationship than who will?"

Riley nodded, agreeing. "I just didn't see this happening," she admitted. "Which I know sounds crazy because I got pregnant with an unplanned baby at eighteen and having my first baby at nineteen."

"Does anybody? No one can predict the future. Josh and I didn't have the typical first year of marriage but it was our first year," Maya pointed out, with a smile. "I think even fifteen year old Maya would be shocked about what she did three years later even though she was secretly dreaming of the moment she would marry Josh. I lived at home and hid I was married for the first couple of months of my marriage and had to sneak around to stay with Josh who was my husband, then I moved into Josh's apartment with his roommates. We didn't even live alone. It didn't really feel like we were married even though we were. It just felt like we were two young couples living it up together then when Josh and I moved into this apartment. It got real. It was the first time we were really on our own and just the two of us. We never really been alone the first year of our marriage where we just living on our own. We hadn't even been alone by ourselves for more than a week. In our second year we got to be the newlyweds we couldn't be before because first me still living at home with my parents then because we had roommates. We had all the newlywed bliss but we also got the newlywed reality. We argued more our second year of marriage than our whole relationship combined up to that point, but we made it through our second year together."

Riley sighed. "That's what I'm getting. Marriage reality."

Maya nodded, "It's okay to be scared. At times marriage can be hard. You just have to work through those hard and scary times."

Riley slowly nodded her head, letting her best friend's words sink in.

"But you need to work through the hard and scary times together. You can't do it alone and hiding."

"I'm just scared I'll lose Lucas. What if we can't work through them together?"

Maya wrapped her arm around her best friend, before saying what she knew she had to say.

"If you don't talk to him then you may end up losing him anyway and you'll never know."

I'm sorry for the extremely long wait. I'm still suffering from writer's block on like all my stories, lol. If you have any ideas for this story or "All We Have Is Love" I am all ears so send them my way! As always please leave me a review with your thoughts, feelings, predictions or anything else you have to say. Until next time xoxo.