There Are No Answers // Falsettos

Baseball

Life continues. Time passes. Maybe about two years. I hardly think about what happened anymore, but it does work its way into my mind occasionally. I think of it as a stepping stone, an eye-opener. I'd like to believe I'm becoming a better person than I was with Marvin.

It's springtime. The weather is getting nicer, the leaves will be starting to grow back. And so, I go for a walk. I've never really paid attention to my neighborhood, it's typical for New York City— loud, busy. But today it's pleasant.

It's, let's say, around 3:30 in the afternoon. I'm starting to head back to my apartment, because even as it's gradually getting warmer outside, this jacket isn't doing much for me in the March air.

And then I spot him. It's a little hard to recognize him at first, but I know he looks familiar. A kid maybe twelve or thirteen, brown hair, carrying a schoolbag and dragging his feet on the ground as he's walking home. It's Jason. I'm taking it all in and I realize how long it's been since I've actually seen him. He's grown a little taller, his face a little thinner, but that's it. And before I can turn back down the sidewalk, he's looking up and he's seen me.

Crap. Do I say something? What do you say to your ex-boyfriend's kid???

"Whizzer!" Jason calls. I look back, pretending I'm seeing him for the first time, and immediately he runs over and wraps his arms around me. An unexpected gesture for sure. But it makes me smile.

"Hey, Jason!" I laugh, holding him away from me by his shoulders to look at him. "How's it going? Man, you've grown."

"I was just coming home from school. I can't believe I saw you!" He grins. "I have so much to tell you about. My bar mitzvah is coming up! Also, I have a baseball game this weekend, and..."

I smile to myself as he goes on. This kid I haven't seen in two years. He remembers me. And he wanted to tell me about all this stuff, about his bar mitzvah, and I almost can't believe it. I still remember when he would barely talk to me. And now he's come up to me on the street, and we're talking like we're old friends.

"Can you come?" Jason asks, bringing my attention back to him.

"Oh, sorry. What?"

"To my baseball game," he says. "Come on, Whizzer, please? I really wanted to ask you before but I didn't know your number, and my dad said you were living somewhere else now."

I look at the kid hesitantly. "I don't know how your parents would feel about that, buddy."

His smile disappears. "Oh. Okay. Are you sure?"

"No, I mean, I'd like to come. But..." Marvin. Jason mentioned him before. I suppose that means they've been talking about me. Still. If I showed up to the game, unannounced, I don't think it would go over well at all. But then there's Jason. I can't let him down. I pause before saying, "Look, kid, I don't want your mom to worry about you. You should probably get home soon."

"Promise you'll come?" he asks.

"...I promise."

Jason didn't tell me exactly where his baseball game was, but it's easy to figure out based on where he's located and the basic schedule of Little League baseball games. So, after much hesitation, I decide to show up. After all, it'll probably only be for a while. Maybe I won't even see Marvin.

But as soon as I walk in, I hear him. He's calling to Jason from the bleachers. I think about turning back, but I know I can't do that to the kid, so I don't. I walk right up to the bleachers, where Marvin is sitting. He doesn't see me at first. He's with Trina and a curly-haired man I figure out is Mendel. I would guess they're married by now. There are two other women I don't recognize. Marvin is the first one to notice me. "What is he doing here?" he says quietly to one of the women as they sit down, as if I can't hear him. He pulls her in front of him like he's hiding.