I'll Always Be By Your Side. (Ryden)

Chapter 18:

Ryan's POV

I finally have time to myself for the first time in a while. I opened my laptop and checked my live journal. Before I let myself process anything I started to write out my feelings and post them. I don't even want to double check what I said. I closed it and set it aside. I can't stop thinking about him. Everything about him makes me want him even more. Those eyes, hair, body, arms, hands, his laugh, smile, stupid jokes, and better yet his butt. The only thing that ever seems to be on my mind anymore is Brendon. I don't think he thinks about me much considering he went out to get drinks with Spencer since we're in Denver now and it's four in the morning. I've never had to depend on anyone growing up and now it's Brendon everywhere I go. I've just thought of his as this cute Mormon kid who wouldn't even want to say "hell." Now he's practically fucking me on stage. I'm going crazy thinking about him. With one hand in my hair, I pulled back the curtain of my bunk and ran into the bathroom to fix my hair and makeup. 

"Hey, Ryan, where you going?" I looked over to see Jon standing in the doorway. I looked back into my reflection and sighed. 

"I just need some fresh air." I smudged the line and double checked to see if it's even. I can see from the corner of my eye that Jon is shaking his head. "What? Do you not believe me?" 

"I didn't say anything." With that he walked away. I only rolled my eyes and made my way off the bus.

The night is chilly and I don't pay attention to where I'm going. I don't want to feel the way I do  because I don't think he feels the same way, and if he doesn't feel the same way then what's the point in feeling like this. I felt tears running down my cheek, and then I heard a rough voice from beside me. I wiped them away quickly and looked up. 

"Hey there little guy, what are you doing on this side of the city?" I can't tell who his voice reminds me of besides one of those intense angry bikers. He keeps eyeing me like I'm looking for something, but I don't even want to bother coming up with a story. I have no energy.

"I'm just walking." He raised an eyebrow and then pulled a bag full of pills out of his pocket. 

"Why don't I make your walk a little more interesting. These are on the house," he grinned and reached inside the bag and gave me a handful of pills. There's a variety of colors and different sizes. I thanked him and stuffed them into my pocket. My mind is so foggy right now I can't even tell if that just happened. I let my head hang low and stare at the sidewalk. I occasionally look up to see if there's a place that I can buy water that doesn't have many people lurking around. Everyone I see is obviously drugged or just have this look in their eyes. I can't tell if they want to kill or eat me. Eventually I see a vending machine and I get my water. I grab several different pills and place them in my mouth. I feel tremors through my body as I place the bottle to my lips. I'm scared because I don't know what I'm taking, but maybe this will make things better. I tip the water and I feel the pills slide down. Now maybe I can forget like he has. 

Brendon's POV

"I can't believe we're actually in here!" Technically we are still under-aged,

"Keep it down. Being famous does things dude." He patted me on the back and walked over to the bar, "Four shots." 

"So, is the what you do all the time?" Spencer looked at me surprised.

"Is this what you think I do?" I shrugged. "No, I mainly come here to meet girls or just to get off the bus and have a beer or two. Now sit and have a shot with me. We are filming our movie tonight!" This is only the beginning to our night drinking. 

"So, you're telling me that Ryan and you have had sex?" Spencer put his hands over his mouth and whispered "oh my god." 

"Yeah a couple times it's no big deal." Then we both began laughing and my phone started to ring. I set a personal song for certain people and this one is Ryan's. Why is he calling? I walked into the men's restroom as I answered.