I'll Always Be By Your Side. (Ryden)

Chapter 13:

Ryan's POV:

It's been a year since we've been signed. We're the talk everywhere now. A lot of interviewers calling us emo teens and making up their own genre for us, but honestly we don't care. Our songs are being played on the radio, and people are coming to our shows. That was the goal. Here we are, standing backstage, listening to the crowd chanting for us.

We wanted an actual performance. Everyone now-a-days just stands there and plays. We aren't everyone. So, we decided to do small skits and have performers dancing around us and interacting in the show. The crowd gets their money worth. 

Every night Brendon comes over to me and almost kisses me. Every night I almost kiss him, but he turns away. He's been teasing me a lot but nothing really has happened besides that. The fans go insane when little things like that happen. 

"Have you ever had a dream where you were running through a sunflower field, with clouds dancing across the crystal blue sky, your lover's running towards you, with the wind whipping through your lovely lavish locks. You reach to your lover for that first passionate kiss. This is not that dream. This is hard, sweaty, crazy, angry, monstrous fucking."

I woke up the next morning not in my bunk like I normally am. I went to sit up, but a weight on my chest stopped me. As my eye adjusted I see Brendon passed out on me. I sigh and attempt to move but it's just not happening.

"Brendon," I shake him but he doesn't budge. "Hey, Brendon get up," still nothing. I muster all the strength I have and push him off of me onto the floor. I sit up and Brendon groans. I assume he's finally up. 

"What the fuck?" He sits up and rubs his shoulder. "Did you push me onto the ground?" 

"You were crushing me and wouldn't wake up." His eyebrows furrowed and then shook his head. 

"Whatever, I need coffee." With that he got up and walked away. I slumped back and let out a breath. He's such a grump in the mornings. I tried to remember last night but I can't. What the fuck did we take this time? Brendon came back a few minutes later with two cups of coffee. He sat down and handed me a mug. "So, what are our plans for this wonderful day off?" I honestly haven't even thought about it. 

"I'm not sure." He gave me a smirk; maybe I should be scared now. 

"Then that means I get to plan our day." His voice filled with excitement and I am slightly mortified. Recently Brendon has been dragging me into some crazy shit that I still, for some reason, agree to do. I guess that's what happens when you're sheltered your whole life. 

"Fine, just please no more freaky drugs. I'd like to actually remember a night." Brendon chuckled at that and nodded. 

"We're just going to explore the city some. Maybe meet some fans as we sight see." This is the side I love about him. It's a side that is genuine; one that I can remember and compare to before we got big. 

We had an interview before we could go out. I hate interviews. It's the same questions and people just trying to get in our business. Not to mention, I tend to get shy around cameras. I may be the one behind the lyrics but I don't have that confident voice to talk about it.  

Whenever that torture was over, Brendon abducted me immediately. 

"I don't want to waste another minute," he breathed out as we ran outside to the bright day. When our hands are intertwined together like this it feels so natural, but sadly I don't think Brendon thinks the same way. He dragged me behind him for about half a block before stopping in front of a music store. 

"What are we doing here?" Brendon gave me a look that said, "I should know why we're here."

"We are here because the other day you admitted to never really listening to The Beatles. That's going to change now," he looked me in the eyes and smiled. "I know that you love them already. You like everything I make you listen to." We both chuckled and started walking over to the CD section. 

"Don't let your head get big; you're not some hot shot. You'll always be that Mormon kid." He got quiet for a moment and just stood there. Even though I mostly meant that as a joke; he actually took it literal. "Brendon?" He looked up at me, and our eyes froze staring at the other. 

"Please, I'm trying to break that shell. I don't want to be labeled with that. That's not who I am anymore. Honestly, it's not really who I ever was," he spoke softly but stern. I understand completely what he's saying, but all I can think of is one saying. 

"Don't forget where you came from." 

After our intense conversation in the store we ended up buying a Beatles vinyl and three CD's. I listened to a couple of their songs in the store and immediately I'm inspired by them. Brendon's stayed quiet since, and I don't know what to do. I keep looking over at him trying to conjure up a conversation but nothing. We're still walking really close; I could just grab his hand. That's what I'm going to do. So I did. I carefully reached over and held his hand. As our fingers intertwined I noticed he glanced down and smiled. I squeezed his hand, and he looked up at me. 

"Hey, are you mad?" I couldn't help myself from asking. It's dumb after an argument to ask, but I kind of feel bad. He stayed quiet for a second and looked down, "I'm sorry okay, but you've been acting a bit-"

"I know. You don't need to remind me, okay. I get it." His voice became aggressive, but for some reason he didn't let go of my hand. His grip began to tighten and then he softened it. "I'm not mad. I kind of wish I was, but I can't be. Ryan, I still love you. I always will." My heart beat quickened. He just said that with such an ease. Maybe he doesn't mean it like I want him to. It's not that easy to say. 

"You don't mean it." Brendon stopped abruptly and grabbed my shoulders to turn me so I was facing him. 

"You can't tell me how I feel, Ryan. I love you and I'm not afraid to say it. Do you not feel the same? I'm sorry for ditching you lately, but I just don't need the media finding out." I watched the emotions in his eyes fluctuate. I know he's telling the truth, and I definitely feel the same. I can't say it though. I can only continue to stare into his gorgeous muddy eyes. He let out a sigh that was weaved with disappointment. Of course I made a day that was supposed to be lovely and relaxing to a monstrous mind game full of stress. "Let's just go back to the bus." I nodded in sadden agreement. 

*** Hey, sorry I took so long to update. I've been loaded with school work, and I recently got sick. I hope this chapter wasn't shit because I'm always writing so late at night. Anyways, I promise a chapter should always be out in a months time, if not sooner. ***