To All The Guys I Flirted

(1)

December 8, 2021

My one night stand experience:

I'm officially not a virgin....Siguro? I bled nung nangyari ang first time ko, pero syempre menstruation ko lang yun hahahha. I felt ashamed everytime my partner called me out of the stain left in my bed. I offered to wash it off but he insist to leave it behind even though he called me out because of it. During the first encounter I was a bit shy because I was embarking on a teritory, a new boundary I have never cross over, it was breaking my values, to engage in pre marital sex, for me it was exciting, dangerous, and curious at this time. I learn something about myself like never before. I remember he ease my anxiousness by talking to me and taking the things that gives me ease and potection inside the room which was my bag and my phone. He then told me to lie myself in the bed as he take off my clothes, even my bra and also my panties. I was kissed for the first time that I haven't experienced before, it was passionate and slow his tongue battled with mine as we lip locks together, and I'd be honest it turned me on. I embrace him from his back and his smell lingered in my nose, his manly scent was addictive, if only I could smell it once more. He placed kisses on my other boob and sucked on my nipples, (I even smelled my nipples after the incident just so I could smell his scent again) he also stayed on my neck and sniff me that made me smile, I never been touched by a man in my entire life, he was my first in experiencing sexually everything. I was hoping he would also kissed me from down below and finger me so I can lubricate, but instead he positioned readily in front of me as he penitrate inside, it made me nervous because he was not wearing any condom and also anxiety arise within me when I felt the pain when he was trying to go inside, so I said to him "stop" it hurts. So he kissed me as he tried to penitrate slowly, it was still painful but pleasurable. It didn't end well after that when I told him to "please stop don't put it inside." I feared he'd get me pregnant and it would hurt more like a bitch! He was lucky if you may think. The moment I said that he stopped, put his clothes on and told me to get dressed...I was dumbfounded of what he acted and what he said, no compassion, none at all. I put on my clothes and layed on the bed turning away from his presence naked and rolled my eyes. I was pissed. So I took my bag and put my facemask and went off without a word. Leaving him behind, I look back hoping he'd catch up to me, but he didn't. Though this  happend pretty badly I was happy to experience something I thought I will never experience in my lifetime. Even thought I was still pissed off, I felt I just earned myself confidence I never had before, a love to myself I never had before, insecurities come falling down from my body and a lesson that I can keep in my heart to never do it with someone you don't know that much. I decided next time I do this things it to the person I love for a long time and would love me for a long time, if that someone will not come in my life. I will give my love to my family instead.

Ayoko na siya makita pero nagpapasalamat ako kasi nayakap ko siya, though it felt wrong. I felt good when I'm proximately near him. I have what if's during that time, like paano kung naging offically kami? What if hindi ako naging masyadong pakipot sa chat nmin? Would it end up pretty differently?

My thoughts about this ends here.

Guy's name: Em

Description: My abs, mabango, gwapo at masarap humalik.