Maya (Book #3)

Chapter 67

The blue plastic chairs were cold on my back, and I shivered, rubbing my arms to create friction and heat. The paramedics hadn't returned my jacket and the air conditioner in the waiting room was blowing glacial air onto my head. Caleb graciously unzipped his jacket and placed it over my shoulders, despite my protests.

Brooks sat on the other side of him, texting his girlfriend updates as we received them. So far, all we knew was that Dominic had been in surgery and the doctors were doing thebest they could. They told me that putting pressure on the wound and applying my jacket was helpful, but they still weren't sure what the outcome would be. Atthat, Damon had kicked a table over and sent a pile of magazines flying as Charlotte thanked the doctors for all their hard work. She was in Dominic'sroom now, waiting for him to come out of surgery. He was only allowed to have one visitor at a time, so we grew more impatient with every second.

The clock above Damon's head ticked in a loud and relentless way that made me want to tear it from the wall. I tried to inconspicuously examine his face and see how he was doing. His jaw was locked into place and his eyes were burning holes in the seat in front of him.

"Hey," I said, barely scraping my cold fingers against his shoulder. He jumped like he had forgotten that I was there.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly. It was so hard with boys sometimes. They didn't feel like they were allowed to express sensitive emotions, so they buried them inside and didn't feel comfortable sharing. His mouth was shaped like a mountain landscape, peaking in the middle and dipping low on the sides. I couldn't tell if he was angry or about to cry.

"Can I help in any way?" I asked, playing with my hands in my lap. When I figured that he wasn't in the mood for talking, I settled back in my chair and turned away. He spoke at that moment, much to my surprise.

"He's always been there for me," Damon muttered, and I could tell there was outrage smoldering behind his quiet words. The fury wasn't with his brother though, it was with himself. "He's the best brother a guy could ask for."

Caleb made an indignant sound and I smacked him in the stomach, making him fight to catch his breath. I cringed in apology as I encouraged Damon to keep speaking.

"We should have been there with you," he said regretfully. He stood up and faced me, twisting his hands in his hair, and yanking it so it stuck out on all sides. I was going to tell him that it looked crazy, but he didn't seem in the mood to accept constructive criticism. "I thought we were doing the hard part telling the police what happened. I thought I was saving you and I couldn't-" he choked out, words getting caught in his throat.

I stood up and hugged him tightly, sighing happily when he hugged me back.

"None of us knew. It's okay to feel sorry but it's not okay to blame yourself." I said stepping back and giving him a stern look. If these guys could be bossy, so could I. He gave a watery chuckle at my attempt and sat down again, breathing fully for the first time since Dominic was injured.

He turned to me, and his mouth twisted up as he thought of what to say.

"How are you, baby? How bad was it... seeing your uncle, I mean?" he asked. With all the commotion around Dominic and Charlotte's declaration, I had almost forgotten about seeing my uncle again. Charlotte and I had talked on the drive to the hospital and commiserated, but I still hadn't fully processed it.

"It was scary," I said honestly, trying to let myself be vulnerable. "It wasn't even just that he had abused me, or that he had a weapon..."

Damon kept his gaze laser-focused on me as I struggled to find the words to describe the feeling. Caleb and Brooks leaned over to listen too.

"I was scared that I was going to go back to him," I said, with shame furrowing my brow. "I was terrified because a part of myself, a big part, wanted him to be in charge again. Because when he used to hurt me, it felt like the world was right. I was bad and I deserved the pain and he was just administering it. It's easier in that world than in this one, where bad things happened to me, and I have to live with them. It's lonely," I said, voice cracking on the last word.

"How so?" Caleb asked, placing a comforting hand on my arm. Brooks clicked his phone off and sat up to overhear as well. I bit my bottom lip and looked up to keep from crying. My eyes were thankfully dry. I had cried enough for one day.

"I would never wish my experiences on anyone, of course! But there's a part of me that hurts in a way that most people can't comprehend and won't ever be able to comprehend," I said, rubbing my eyes as the urge to sleep came over me again.

"That sounds really difficult, My," Brooks said, reaching over to pat my knee.

"Yeah, I can't even imagine," Caleb said, looking into my eyes deeply and sympathizing.

"You're not alone," Damon said, shaking his head and straightening his back. "There are people who have experienced abuse all over the place. They just don't have the voice yet to be able to share it." His eyes were full of wisdom and his mouth quirked into a smile as he saw the awe in my eyes. We shared a moment of companionable silence and reflected on that.

"Dominic understood me," I murmured, picking at one of my nails when they had gone back to their devices.