The smell of food makes me sick, yet my stomach screams for me to feed it. Its a daily battle. Do I eat, do I not eat? Do I want to gain the pounds? I'll hate myself after I consume these cals. The only thing I'll be able to do after I eat is cry and hate myself even more.
I somewhat want this daily battle to end. Theres a part of me that can't bear even the thought of letting go of the controling and acomplished sensation I get from that stupid little tummy growl. I smile as I hear the growl escape my body. After all, it is what I live for now.
Im stuck in between I dont know and I dont care. Im stuck in between life and death. Im stuck in bewteen right and wrong. Im stuck in between a mirrior and a scale.
Im stuck behind lies. Im stuck behind the words 'fat' and 'dont eat'. Im stuck behind the numbers on the scale. Im stuck behind that fat digusting figure I see in the mirrior.
I cry when I see those numbers on the scale. I cry when I see that fat disgusting figure in the mirrior. I cry after I've eaten. I cry in frustration and anger when I walk home and look down at my thighs only to see fat surrounding them.
Its a daily battle. A battle between my Heart, my mind, and my soul. Its a daily battle. A battle that I can either win... or die trying.
YOU ARE READING
Sense of Exile
Thơ ca'Exile refers to the state of being barred from one's native country. It represents a profound sense of loss and separation, impacting identity and belonging.' I hope you feel less alone here.
