It's hard to stand
On shifting sand
It's hard to shine
In the shadows of the night
You can't be free
If you don't reach for help
And you can't love
If you don't love yourself.
I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut.
I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die
But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside.
'I feel like I'm screaming, but everyone has decided to put their earplugs in'
'I'm fine' really means I'm dying inside, but you wouldn't care if I told you'
'you call me stupid? I fake a smile everyday and you believe it'
'As we got older the monsters crept from under our beds, to inside our heads'
'*Sees no scars* but it's all lies, they only check the wrist, not the thighs'
Where will I be
When there's pain as far as eyes can see
I'll stand in line for days and nights, for making up lost time
And this is how it feels
So now I cut these loveless wrists.
The sharper the edge, the cleaner the wound
So, I'll be keeping it dull tonight
For I deserve to hurt
Disfigure the outside
To show how ruined I am
There's no pain and no pleasure when you're
Too numb to feel.
Sweet and divine
Razor of mine
Sweet and divine
Razorblade shine.
Day after day
Cutting away
Day after day
But anyway.
She wrote to me telling me it's help she needs,
She said that she cries every night and she's weak,
I told her you've just got to try and breathe,
She said I can't cope anymore
And now I just bleed.
Why does everyone look so damn perfect,
I'm fifteen and I feel really worthless,
My skin doesn't look so clean,
When I've got these freckles covering me,
I wanna look like Katy Perry,
Maybe Rihanna or Halle Berry,
Beyonce never had problems like me,
Bet she never felt so fat and ugly
I wanna be skinny but I get so hungry,
Got bad pains inside of my tummy,
There's a guy in school that I hope might notice me,
But he never really does.
So, I'm trying to get thin, so he looks my way, and he falls in love.
Until then I'll just sit on the bed,
Scratching these scissors across my legs
Avalanche is sullen and too thin
She starves herself to rid herself of sin
And the kick is so divine when she sees bones beneath her skin
And she says:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?
Doodle takes dad's scissors to her skin
And when she does relief comes setting in
While she hides the scars, she's making underneath her pretty clothes
She sings: Hey baby, can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby, can you bleed like me?
YOU ARE READING
Sense of Exile
Poetry'Exile refers to the state of being barred from one's native country. It represents a profound sense of loss and separation, impacting identity and belonging.' I hope you feel less alone here.
