Sense of Exile

I Hate You, Don't Leave Me.

There was a girl talking to her boyfriend in a hotel room. They were both in tears. She told him that they need to breakup because he hurt her, emotionally. He tried so hard to make her stay. But, she walked away. A couple weeks later, she came back. He opened the door to find her there, crying. He asked her what was wrong and she said that she couldn't do it..she couldn't stay away from him. She didn't want to..she couldn't live without him..No matter how bad he had hurt her. He told her that she should go and that she was right the first time. He wasn't good for her. He hurt him so much to tell her this. He wanted nothing more than to hold her and tell her everything was okay..that they were okay. Eventually, she left. A few weeks later, he gets a call. The love of his life..tried to end her life. He drove as fast as he could to the hospital. After hours and hours of waiting, crying, hoping..she woke up. When she realized that she was alive, she started screaming, "No, no, no, no, no! I need to be dead! I need to be dead! Please kill me..give me something that outs me to sleep forever. Anything..please.." He heard her screaming and ran in the room. He instantly grabbed her trying to calm her down. She fought him, hitting his chest, saying, "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I want to die..I need to die.." He kept his grip. Eventually, she just couldn't fight anymore. She sank into him, sobbing. "Don't let me go..don't leave me.." She sobbed. He promised he wouldn't let go and he didn't. She was eventually able to go home. She still never wanted him to leave her sight. So, he decided to stay at her house for a while until she was okay. One night after she calmed down, he asked her why. Why she wanted to die. She has an answer, but she couldn't tell him yet. She tried to turn over to face away from him, but he grabbed her arm. That's when he saw them..all of the cuts, the scars. His eyes grew teary. "Baby..why?" he said barely above a whisper, his voice voice cracking at the end. That's when she broke. All she could do was cry and shake her head. He brought her arm up to his lips, gently kissing each and every one of those perfect imperfections she had inflicted on herself. ¨Beautiful.¨ He said after every kissed scar. "If I could take away the pain, put a smile on your face..baby I would. He whispered in her ear, pecking her forehead. She took a shaky breath. "You want to know why?" She asked not waiting for his reply before taking a long breath and continuing to talk. "Before you came into my life, I was suicidal, alone, scared..I didn't see myself having a future. I didn't care what happened because I wouldn't be here much longer so why did it matter? Then when you came, you made what didn't matter fade to grey. You made flowers grow in the darkest parts of my mind. You..gave me a reason to stay. I was..I am broken. And for that split second that you made me see that I now had a reason to stay, you fixed me. But then, you broke me. You broke me more than I was broken before. When I finally got the courage to leave you..I left, I felt strong. I felt..okay. But then, I realized that I can't do this without..I can't live without you. When I came back..you turned me away..saying I was right..you were bad for me. But, was I really right? When I tried to commit, I did it because I I knew that I was wrong. I was wrong to think that I could make it in this world without you. I realized that I'm in more pain without than I am with you. You did hurt me..I mean you really fucking hurt me, but..I love you and I need you. I forgive you..Just promise me you'll never leave me..please.." By the end of this, she was hunched over in tears. He lifted her chin so she was looking at him and wiped her tears with his thumb. "I am so so sorry that I put you through that..I never meant to hurt you. I promise you I will never leave you..you don't have to be afraid anymore. I'm here and I'm not going to leave your side unless I'm at the other end of the aisle. And even then, we'll meet again at the end.."