Waiting for Never - Post Malone

Pieces

After a week Marli is a mess and Lou takes the initiative to take her and the dogs home to Utah. Marli needs to go home - home is Utah...well home is Austin but Utah is the closest thing she will get to him right now. Marli does not put up a fight when Lou practically shoves her into Austin's plane. She wants to go to Utah, maybe she can find some answers if only she knew what the questions were. She feels lost and it scares are a little as to how attached to Austin she has become, it can't be healthy. Once the plane is in the air and Otis has managed to somehow fit his big body into the chair next to Marli she turns to Lou. "Do you think I am stupid? To stay?" she asks. Lou sighs. "I think you are in love M,"  she answers. Marli frowns, confused at Lou's words. "That does not answer my question, Lou,"  she shoots back. Lou sighs again and puts the magazine she was trying to read down. "Marli, have you ever heard of the saying - love is blind?" she asks. Marli nods, everyone has heard that saying it's well-known and old. "Well, most people have a pretty superficial way of looking at it. Like oh, she loves him so much that even if he is ugly she sees him as handsome because love is blind or he leaves the cap off the toothpaste and she doesn't want to kill him because love is blind. Those people are not wrong, but it goes deeper than that. A person in love will often create a situation that they choose to see. They see only the good stuff and ignore the bad things. You choose to see yourself staying as an act of love for Austin. You choose to see that Austin stays dry for a few days while he is with you is because you are enough to keep him from drinking. You ignore all the red flags and only look at the good things...your love is blind, not fake, just blind. For me, I see it differently because I am not you."

"What do you see?"

"It does not matter what I see. It's not my relationship or my life. But M, you have to start paying attention or you will wake up one day and there will be no more Austin." 

Marli can feel bile rising from her gut at that thought. A world without Austin? She cannot fathom it. "I don't do what I do because I don't care, Lou," she feels the need to say. Lou smiles at her. "I know that. You are in love with him anyone can see that. Like I said, M, love is blind," she says softly. Marli can't hide her tears and Lou pulls her in for a hug shushing her till she falls asleep.

~

June is summer in Utah and the days are hot, very hot, so Marli and Lou along with the three dogs spend most days by the pool. There is also a creek about 20 miles down the road that the girls take the dogs to for a bit of fun and a splash around almost every day. Lou also convinces Marli that a good hike is food for the soul so they have been on two five-hour hikes up the mountain behind the house. Charlie showed up in the first week they were back in Utah saying he wanted to make sure his girls were eating right. By the second-week Colts limp had all but cleared up and he was running around like a puppy. Marli chooses to sleep in Austin's bed. She has her own room, but she nor the dogs seemed to be able to settle in there on the first night so they wandered around the house until, sleep-depraved, they all wandered into Austin's room. Marli found a photo of Austin from Christmas on her phone, it's one of her favorites so she had it printed and framed and now keeps it on her nightstand - he looks so happy. It's been so long since she had seen him smile like that. She keeps her normal routine of always getting up at 5:15 am each morning with her dogs, it's healthy. But she wakes up at 5:10 am each morning to a phone call from Austin and that's not healthy. It's been almost three weeks since she has seen Austin and with each phone call he seems a little worse and Marli breaks a little more. He is never sober, never coherent and his words melt into each other. But he calls and Marli clings to that. He is searching for her in his darkest moments.

~

It's a Sunday afternoon, a week before the tour is due to start again, Marli and Lou have just arrived back from having taken the dogs to the creek. Charlie is bringing out a bunch of cold fruit and icy cocktails, Lou is lounging near the pool while reading a book in one of the pool chairs and Marli has the dogs lined up as she sprays the mud off them before they all jump in the pool with her.