The ending everyone really wanted...
Year: August 19th, 2005
Canonicity: not canon to anything
Point-of-view: first person, Lainey Fitzroy
Notes: This is part of the last chapter rewritten. It starts at Harmony and Harper's wedding, before the ceremony begins, when Ryan and Lainey are talking.
*This is a little raunchier than usual, just as a warning, haha.
After gifting Rookwood with the sight of my middle finger, I turned back to Ryan Harper, who was concealing laughter where he stood beneath his wedding arch. I had, in fact, performed the crude gesture in front of half of his wedding guests.
"I should go join Dennis in the back before your relatives start throwing rotten vegetables at me..." I took a step but then saw a few familiar faces in the crowd—Ginny, smiling at me, Carl Vaisey and Noah Palmer, looking particularly grumpy, and Ashley and Greg, the former babbling while the latter munched on a hidden cupcake—
"You didn't invite...Malfoy, did you?" I asked Harper, eyeing Draco's old friend with unease.
Ryan stared up at the ceiling. "No...not directly..."
"What do you—" I started to ask, but my question was answered a moment later when the person in question arrived on the second floor.
My body went rigid at the sight of him—of his flawless white-blond hair, his cool grey eyes, and that smile on his face, as if he were genuinely pleased to be here...with...
"What the fuck?" I blurted, loud enough to hush some of the chatter throughout the room. People were definitely staring at me now, clearly more affronted by my verbal profanity than my gestural profanity, but I didn't care. Draco Malfoy had just walked into my best friend's wedding, arm in arm with Harry Potter.
Anderson's giggles chorused with Harper's as he joined us by the arch. "Oh shit, Mud. Mal's banging your brother."
I was unable to produce a response. My mouth was gaping wider than it ever had. Harry and I had never been the closest of siblings, but we were friends, and now...and now...oh God...
As if hearing my thoughts from across the room, Harry locked eyes with me, and he immediately tried to wiggle out of Malfoy's grasp. Instead of complying, Malfoy followed his gaze, found me gawking, and then had the audacity to smirk.
"Fitzroy," he greeted, leading Harry down the aisle toward us. "Or do you go by Potter now? Or should I just call you sister?"
I started retching.
"Draco, don't be so cruel," Harry scolded quietly. His eyes kept darting around self-consciously, and he refused to really look at any of us. Not that I really cared, since I was hyperventilating and gagging and panicking and—
"DRACO!"I repeated, high-pitched and wheezy. "YOU CALLED HIM DRACO?"
"Uh...yeah..." Harry replied through a wince. "I don't call him 'Malfoy' anymore because...he's my husband. And we're both Malfoys now."
"Oh, shut up," Anderson scoffed over the sounds of my death. "Next you're gonna tell us that you're pregnant."
He and Harper laughed, but Malfoy's face was set in contemplation.
"We were actually going to see if Fitzroy wanted to be our surrogate mother, being that she shares Harry's genes and all," Malfoy said, jumping his eyebrows at me.
"Holy shit, Lay—You're gonna be the mother of Mal's child, just like you always wanted!" Harper exclaimed.
"What—no—"
"You can't say no, Lay," Anderson stated, as if it were a fact. "Your brother's asking you to have his child for him. What a bitch you'd be if you said no."
"Yeah, what a bitch," Malfoy agreed with a complacent smile. "No need to fret over the details, Fitzroy. We've got it all planned."
"Planned," I breathed, nearly fainting.
"I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner, Lainey," Harry said sincerely. "We've been trying to keep it quiet since we know Lucius won't approve of the non-pureblood marriage. But I'm so glad you approve. I reckoned you'd be happy to have Draco as a brother, since you two were always friends."
"Always friends?" I repeated in disbelief. "In what universe?"
Harry's brows furrowed as he glanced between the two of us. For the first time, Malfoy appeared unsettled. "I mean...you were both Death Eaters together... If you weren't friends..." He looked between us again, eyes widening. "Hang on...did you—were you—have you—do you—"
"The Chosen Prat is malfunctioning," Anderson said as Harry began to twitch. "Well—" he took a swig of a drink I hadn't realized he'd been holding "—since this is a thing, I suppose I can go find Weasels and bonk her in the storage closet."
"Go do it in someone else's storage closet!" Harper yelled after him as he made his way toward solo Ginny. "I don't want your penis pudding on my musical instruments!" Shaking his head, he turned back and saw that all three of us wore revolted expressions. "What? You all know how gross penis pudding can get. You've all seen it. Or—I should say you've all seen Mal's..."
And that was the fate of Lainey Fitzroy.
