Sanscest Oneshots

Springtime shitposts

Almost summertimeeeeeeee woohoooooooooo
Sorry I'm never really actively updating this anymore. I just kinda write when I get bored and I'm usually not proud of it enough to post it
———

Dream, sighing, "Sometimes I drink milk right out of the container."

Dust leans through the doorway from the other room. "The cow?"

Dream looks over at him. "What?"

—

Reaper, floating over, "How's the sexiest man alive doing?~"

Geno sighs and looks up at him. "...I don't know, how is he?"

Reaper stutters, and Ink looks up from the other side of the room. "I'm doing great, thanks!"

—

Horror, walking into the living room looking concerned, "Hey, uh, is Dream dead or sleeping?"

Nightmare doesn't look up from his book. "Hopefully dead. I hated that guy's guts."

Error nods, "Yeah, me too."

Dream shouts from the other room, "FIRST OF ALL, FUCK YOU GUYS-"

—

Nightmare, matter-of-factly, "When someone Harasses me about wearing all black by saying "who's funeral is it?" I typically respond "haven't decided yet" and they usually shut up."

—

Lust walks into the living room while everyone is playing a card game. He swipes everything off the table, sits down on it, and says, "Your Christmas gift this year is me. Congratulations. Your annual friendship membership has been renewed, enjoy it."

—

Killer, quietly, "So apparently the "bad vibes" I've been feeling is severe physiological distress."

Cross looks over at him. "You didn't know that?"

—

Nightmare, writing in a book; "Bitches are all like 'lol I'm baby' like no you aren't you have awful childhood trauma that forced you to grow up from a young age so you don't even know what being baby is like."

He puts down his pen and sits for a moment before muttering, "oh my god. I'm bitches."

—

Error sighs. "All I can say is that Jail is no fun, dude."

Ink looks over at him, a little surprised. "You've been to Jail?"

Error nods. "Once. In monopoly."

—

"Oh god. Okay, Geno, how would you rate the pain on a scale of 1-10?"

"0 stars, would not recommend."

—

Killer puts his hands up. "Dude, in my defense. I was left unsupervised."

Nightmare frowns. "But Cross was literally with you."

Cross looks over from the couch. "I was also left unsupervised."

—

Error, holding a ball python, "Guys I impulsively bought a snake what do I name him?"

Geno sits up from where we was laying on the couch. "You  w h a t ?"

Fresh pops out of nowhere. "William Snakespeare."

—

Dust and Horror, sitting in a jail cell. Horror looks over at Dust, and mutters; "Who... uh, who do we call?"

"I would call Nightmare, but I feel safer in jail."

—

Killer, sighing. "Nightmare, does the whole 'good guy, bad guy' routine you and Dream have going ever get tiring?"

Nightmare looks over at him. "Oh, it's not a routine. I'm just a dickhead and Dream isn't."

—

Lust, groggily, "Ugh, what time is it?"

Ink shrugs. "I don't know, pass me that saxophone and we'll find out."

Lust hands him the saxophone and Ink proceeds to blow into it as hard as it can, and the resulting noise is so horrendous you could probably hear it from the upper atmosphere.

"WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT THREE IN THE FUCKING MORNING?!"

Ink puts down the saxophone and turns back to Lust. "It's Three in the morning."