One of The Guys

Tainted

"So as you can tell our dear Choso is not the most emotional being. But you do something to him. Our viewers would freak if you get him to smile." Kole had pulled you to the side when you both were getting ready to play. He had his arm around you whispering into your ear. You glance over at Choso who was now shooting daggers at his friend.

"I think I can do that." You laugh and he pats your shoulder. You greet the group and take a seat beside Choso, who suddenly wraps his hand around your thigh. You glare at him and he reluctantly pulls it away. You look away from him and admire the new dice set you had ordered especially for today, smiling like a child with a brand new toy.

"If you don't want to be called cute refrain from making such adorable faces over a piece of metal." Choso leans over and you laugh.

"The nostalgia gets me every time!" You grin and he chuckles. The whole table falls silent and everyone of the groups eyes were wide with shock.

"O my god! Fuck all of you!" Choso shouts irritated but that faint smirk still present. You frown and look down at the table. You pull your phone from your pocket. You glance at the two texts that you had received.

Kick some mythological creature butt! I can't watch but I'll listen. I miss you! -Satoru

I can't believe you are making me watch some nerdy shit. But you know I will do anything for you. Good luck! -Suguru

That familiar ache coming back to the surface. You knew Choso was falling for you. But the love you had for your best friends was irreplaceable. You made a huge mistake once again. You felt like a horrible person. The small bit of possessiveness you felt a few minutes ago from Choso was dangerous.

Dread started to overtake your mind. Your stomach churning with unease. If you had the power to go back in time you kept telling yourself you would have made a different decision. A decision to go back to how things were before. But Somewhere in your heart you enjoyed the thought of being more than a friend to them. No matter how hard you denied it. 

"Y/N!" You we're shaken out of your thoughts by Kole who looked at you with concern. "You good?" He asks as he finishes setting up. You nod and give him your best fake smile. He returns it and then begins the countdown to start the stream.

You really did not have to try to hard to get Choso to grin at you. He was used to your quirky personality and it amused him. The group was eating it up for all it was worth. The chat was losing their minds. But you just felt like a bitch. You were so excited about playing again but it was tainted by your overwhelming emotions and you felt like you were manipulating Choso for views.

When the stream ended everyone laughed and joked around. They all patted you on the back and complimented how you portrayed your character. You tried your best at showing mock happiness and it seemed to have fooled them all. "Hey! I have to work tomorrow. I'll see you all next weekend!" You say as your Uber pulls up, you were thankful for the excuse to leave.

As you make your way outside your arm is tugged back. You are pinned against the hallway wall. "Stop. I know your upset. I know it's because of me. I am sorry for making things more complicated." Choso stares down at you and you bite your lip nervously. You are unsure of what to say. "Do you have feelings for them?" He asks straightforward.

Your nails dig into the palm of your hand. You could not deny the feelings anymore. You know it would only hurt him more. You nod your head ashamed. You feel him take in a deep breath. "Fuck!" Choso shouts and you flinch when he hits the wall beside you. When he goes to grab your chin you pull back. You see the hurt register on his face.

"I'm sorry... look take time for yourself. I'll be here. Even if you don't want me I will still listen." With each word you hear how much pain was in his voice. You caused that and it was breaking you.