My Heart Won't Let Me

Scars of Our Past

Chapter 8

'Scars of Our Past'

It was a little past midnight when Ross came back home alone after leaving their sleeping eleven-months-old daughter in the care of her aunt for the night.  He stood gingerly in front of his front door, listened attentively through the door for a sign of a man's voice from inside the apartment. He wasn't sure if Joey had left or not and the least thing Ross wanted was to interrupt a potentially heated argument between them. He stood there for another minute or two before he finally mustered the courage to open the door.

The house was silent, he almost thought that she wasn't home until a figure sitting by the couch near the window caught his attention. That was when he found her, clutching her knee into her chest as she stared aimlessly through the window. The sight of her broke his heart, especially when he noticed she shivered a little probably because of the thin material of her clothing she was still wearing straight from work, but did nothing to fix it. He closed the door behind him and sighed before he reached for a blanket from the couch and enveloped her with it.

The sudden movement seemed to bring her back from her trance and that was when she finally noticed his presence in the room. She smiled weakly at him before murmuring a faint thank you.

"Where's Emma?" She asked after she looked around the room and noticed he was alone. Her voice was weak with a little hint of worries on it, but knowing that Rachel's mind was still fixated on their daughter even after she had been through tonight warmed Ross' heart. She really was a wonderful mom to their daughter, he hoped she could see that.

"She's with her Aunt Monica and Uncle Chandler for the night." Ross said softly and soon he noticed how her facial expression was softened a bit knowing her daughter was safe and sound in the hands of their friends. "She fell asleep soon after we arrived. I didn't have the heart to move her here, I hope you don't mind."

"No, I guess it's alright. We'll just pick her up tomorrow, first thing in the morning." She gave him a smile. "And thank you.." She added shortly. "Uhm, for everything."

Thank you for being here. Thank you for being a great father to our daughter and taking care of her when I needed it. Thank you for being such a great friend. Thank you for being you..

She wanted to thank him for so many things, but she didn't have to, because he understood.

"Of course." He nodded and smiled. His hand went into her shoulder and gave her a squeeze there. "How are you?"

Rachel sighed and she averted her gaze back to the window. Her mind drifted to the talk she just had with Joey a while ago. The talk was both draining and exhausting, but at the same time it was eye-opening. She came to understand where he came from and what caused them to be this way. Joey's confession about how he truly felt about her relationship with Ross managed to shake her to the core. She never would've guessed that Joey would ever think that way about her and Ross. She thought what she was feeling for Ross - as confusing as it was - was secretive, but maybe it wasn't as subtle as she thought it was, because even Joey managed to pick it up rather easily.

Did she give any impressions to anyone else that she was still harboring a feeling over her ex-husband? She wondered briefly before her heart almost skipped a beat when another thought suddenly entered her mind. Did perhaps Ross know it too? Rachel shook that thought aside, she had just broken up with Joey, it wasn't the time to think about it.

"I-I don't know." She breathed almost audibly. She didn't know what to feel right now. She was angry, she was furious, she was heartbroken, she was confused, she was upset, she was even somewhat relieved that it was all over. There were so many emotions going on inside of her right now, she didn't even know what to feel. "I don't know what to feel." She looked up to him, her blue eyes were glassy and looking so vulnerable, Ross had to fight the strongest urge to pull her into his arms and to never let her go again.