My Heart Won't Let Me

This Feels Like Goodbye

Chapter 11

‘This Feels Like Goodbye’

Today felt like any normal day for Ross except for the fact that he was now sitting next to his best friend, but yet they hadn’t even exchanged a single word for the whole ten minutes they were there except for a simple ‘hello’.

Ross’ throat felt dry and he found himself fidgeting in his seat. This is so awkward. He hadn’t felt so awkward around anyone probably since college – when he used to feel overly insecure about himself and he seemed to lose his ability to speak around people.

“Here’s your order. One hot Americano - extra shots and a blueberry muffin.” Gunther’s voice broke their silence and as Ross eyed the bright haired man - for the first time in his life, he felt grateful for his presence.

“Thanks Gunther.” Ross smiled at the man.

Gunther gave him a half-hearted smile and quickly averted his attention to the other occupant of the orange couch. “Can I get you anything, Joey?”

“Uh yeah. A cappuccino and do you still have another blueberry muffin?”

“Uh.” Gunther eyed Ross’ plate of muffin before turning back to Joey with an apology. “I’m sorry, that’s our last one.”

“Oh.” Joey frowned. He really wanted to eat a muffin right now, that was too bad.

“Here, you can take mine.” Ross shoved his plate toward Joey – a small smile on his face, secretly offering it as some sort of an olive branch. After the talk he had with Monica, he felt really bad for treating Joey the way he did that night. He knew he was treating Joey unfairly no matter what the excuses he might’ve had before. Joey was his best friend too and he was there for him when he needed him before, Ross had to keep reminding himself that.

Joey eyed Ross skeptically, feeling a little bit unsure about how different Ross was treating him compared to the week prior. “Uh, are you sure?”

“Yeah, sure. I’m kind of full anyway.” Ross flashed him a small smile, encouraging Joey to take the offer.

“O-okay, thanks.” Joey accepted the offer and as Gunther left to make the order, he quietly ate the muffin.

Ross kept eyeing Joey nervously as they once again basked in an awkward silence. Ross kicked himself mentally for letting their relationship become this bad, but a part of him was still mad for what Joey did to Rachel. He found it really hard to forgive Joey even when he knew Joey did nothing directly to him. Joey hurt Rachel. He hurt her and Ross had to watch her breaking down in front of him that night – blaming herself for what had happened. The memory of that night wouldn’t seem to stop nagging on the back of his mind every time Ross tried to be neutral about the whole situation. He clenched his fist tightly and forced himself not to get it into his head. Once again he reminded himself, he had no business of being angry with Joey.

“So uh.” Ross cleared his throat, making an effort to start the conversation first soon after Gunther left after dropping Joey’s order. “I haven’t seen you around lately. I heard you went back to your parent’s house.”

“Yeah, actually I am. My sister and my nephew are in town, so I spent a few days in Queens to see them.”

“Oh, that must be nice.”

Joey gave Ross a tiny smile, albeit it was a little awkward still. “Yeah, it was nice.”

Their conversation died soon after and Ross felt like he wanted to just go home and watch TV or something because the silence was starting to make him uncomfortable. But again, Ross knew he owed Joey an apology.