New Heights

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

All good things come to an end, when I woke up the next morning I instantly knew something was wrong. The first thing was that I felt sick, it wasn’t like I was about to throw up but I just felt completely off. The second thing that made me know things had changed for the worst was when I got up and saw a blood stain on the white bed sheets. I stood staring at the patch feeling numb, two people flashed through my mind, the first being buba the second being Nathan.

I called for Megan and she rushed in obviously hearing the despair in my voice, her face fell when she saw the stain. She ran her hand threw her hair but I could tell she knew what was happening just as I did. “Alright, don’t panic. Put some clothes on and I’ll drive you to the hospital” I nodded unable to say anything, she left me alone and I threw one of Nathan’s over-sized jumpers over a white vest and pulled some black leggings on. When I got to the kitchen Megan had her coat on and keys in her hand ready to go, none of the other girls were around which I was kind of grateful for. As much as I loved them, and I really did, I couldn’t face anyone else right now. I just wanted Nathan, I wanted him by my side telling me everything was going to be okay even though I knew the worst had happened.

It didn’t take us long to get to the hospital, Megan signed me in as I still hadn’t found my voice. The car ride had been silent and I was glad she knew me so well to know my limits. “The doctor will see you in a minute, if you would like to take a seat while you wait” the lady behind the desk said, she tried to give me a sympathetic look but that just made me feel worse.

True to her words a few minutes later the doctor came out and called my name, I stood up gripping Megan and walked in still numb. “If you would like to lay down on the bed” he said to me while he looked through my notes. I did as he said and waited like my life depended on it, even though it only took him a minute to browse through the files it seemed to take so much longer. “Can you tell what happened?” he asked, I nodded licking my lips to find an ounce of moisture, Megan took my hand and I cleared my throat before speaking. “I fell over yesterday in a shopping centre because the floor was wet, everything was fine until I woke up this morning and there was blood on the bed sheets” he nodded and I could see Megan taking it in. She was probably mad that I hadn’t told her about falling over, but with everything happening right now she wasn’t going to say anything.

“Alright, I’ll just run a few tests” he said though not sounding positive at all, I couldn’t meet anyone’s gaze, it was like I was watching from someone else’s point of view. He came back with various pieces of equipment and one by one ran the tests, by the final one all the hope I had managed to find had vanished. “Alright, after running all the tests I’m afraid all I have is bad news. It seems the fall you had yesterday disrupted the growth of the foetus and as a result you’ve had a miscarriage” and at his words my world fell apart, all the hope and happiness I had since finding out about Bubba was gone, and replacing it was numbness. “But I felt the baby move after I fell” I said looking back up at him, I didn’t understand how everything could be fine one minute and such a disaster the next. He sat down on a chair next to the bed before beginning to talk. “From the scan it seems that the foetus had a lack of oxygen supply and therefore it took longer than a few seconds for it all to happen” at those few words I couldn’t take it any longer, I got up from the bed and ran out the room ignoring the shouts from him and Megan. As I ran tears blurred my vision making it hard to see where I was going, I stumbled my way out the hospital until I found a bench and collapsed on that. Sobs escaped me and I couldn’t help but blame myself. If I hadn’t been such an idiot maybe this wouldn’t have happened, If I’d looked what I was doing and not been glued to my phone, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Bubba had gone and it was all my fault.

I fumbled in my pockets finding my phone, when I did I dialled the very familiar number and put it to my ears wanting to speak to the one person I needed right now. My sobs muffled as I tried to regain my composure, it rang and rang until eventually it went through to voice-mail. I knew that he was either asleep or doing some promotional work so I left a message. “Hey Nath it’s me” my voice wobbled as I began, “I just really needed to talk to you, it’s really urgent. Something’s happened and I just need you right now. Call me as soon as you get this, please. I- I-“ I was about to say I was sorry but I thought better of it as I hadn’t explained anything yet. “Love you, Lauren” I ended the message and lets the sobs erupt again, I couldn’t get over the fact I had killed an innocent life. I knew Bubba hadn’t been born yet but it was my baby, my child and I’d killed them.

“Lauren, thank goodness I found you I was so worried. Come here” Megan cried running over to me, she enveloped me in a hug while tears streamed down my cheeks. “It’s all my fault Megan, I killed Bubba” I began but she cut me off. “It wasn’t, don’t blame yourself” I could feel emotions swirling inside of me like a volcano about to erupt. “Who else’s fault is it then? Of course it’s mine! I’ll never get to watch them grow up, see their first steps, hear their first word. Heck I don’t even know if it was a boy or girl or even if it’m going to be able to have a baby again. It’s my fault, it’s-“ but she held me tighter, not letting me escape or run away from the situation. “Listen to me, when you went I spoke to the doctor. He said you should be fine to try for another child as it was just a freak accident no-one could have predicted, it wasn’t your fault okay. You’re probably going to hate me for asking and even for telling you but I asked what the sex of the baby was and he said, he said you were going to have a little girl” If she was trying to make me feel better the last bit only made me feel so much worse. A little girl, my little girl. Nathan would have won the bet. Just thinking about all these things made me hysterical, my face hurt from crying so much, I probably looked a right state and a headache was forming but I couldn’t care less about that right now, my mind was focused on Bubba or Ella. When Nathan and I had been talking we’d come up with two names, one for if Bubba was a boy the other if it was a girl. We would have had a girl, Ella – Rose Sykes, but she was gone along with the name, though she would be forever etched in my mind.

I don’t know how long we were sat on the bench for, even though the wind blew around us I didn’t feel it. I wasn’t bothered about getting cold or sick because I probably deserved it, I deserved all the bad things that were happening to me. A car pulled up close to us and when I looked up I saw the other three girls piling out and rushing over to me, obviously Megan had filled them in on what had happened. It would normally annoy me that Megan told them before me, but I was in no way ready to speak about it yet. “C’mon let’s get you home” Michelle said taking my hands and pulling me up, Megan guided me and before I knew it we were jetting off down the duel carridgeway back to Michelle’s flat. I don’t know what I would do when I went back home, the crib and everything was set up and I knew it would be a painful reminder of what happened.

We neared her house and I pulled out my phone again to see if I had anything from Nathan but I hadn’t, I really needed to speak to him at least but even those odds were against me. Still in a numb shell I made my way over to the sofa once we had arrived, the other girls moved around me making me cups of tea or bringing me a piece of chocolate cake to try and lighten my mood, but even food wouldn’t make me happy right now.

I could hear Kelsey on the phone and I eavesdropped even though I knew I shouldn’t, “Hey baby sorry to wake you up, I need you to find Nathan and tell him to ring Lauren, something’s happened. No- it’s not my business to tell but it’s bad okay, listen Tomtom get Nathan okay-“ I couldn’t listen anymore, I just clutched my phone tighter waiting for it to ring, to tell him the news that would ruin his trip, if not cause him to have some sort of heart attack. I hoped the others would be there to comfort him, I wouldn’t want them to be asleep when he found out, hopefully Tom would tell the others and they would stay up, especially if he told them it was bad news. After-all they were brothers, they would stick together no matter what.

I felt physically sick when my phone rang, I didn’t want to tell him the news like this but there was no other way. I answered with a shaky voice and I could tell he’d heard my voice-mail because he darted questions at me. “Lauren are you okay? What’s wrong? What was the voice-mail about? Is it to do with the baby?” I took a deep breath, I knew the other girls were watching me but I didn’t dare look at them, it was hard enough as it was. “yes” I said, he paused before replying. “Yes to what Lau? Come on please tell me” I knew Nathan was probably pacing round the  hotel room frantically right now, I could picture him in my head which didn’t help either. “It’s about the baby, I –I-Bubba-She-I” I couldn’t get my words out, I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. “What? She? Lauren what’s going on?” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes breathing out the words that would no doubt stop his world like it had stopped mine. “I've had a miscarriage Nath” I held my breath waiting for his reply.

A/N – Shocking turn of events right? And I think I should do an evil Mwhahaha for leaving it on a cliffhanger. I’ll see you guys next Friday so you’ll find out what Nathan said, comment, vote, fan (or follow, whatever that's about!) I wrote this chapter really quickly which is pretty impressive for me! Haha. Anyway, byeee S x