New Heights

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

I had been moping around the house again, I didn’t know what to do about the text. Did I do as he said and take my stuff or leave it there and hope he comes round? I was surprized when Megan came round the next morning, only she didn’t stay long. Instead she handed me an envelope without saying anything, when I opened it I found it was a one way train ticket to Gloucester that left in two hours.

“Megan! I can’t go he doesn’t want to hear from me” I sighed in exasperation. She gave me one of those firm looks that said she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “Look I know it’s hard, but we all agree that you need to go and make the effort to speak to him, to sort it out. Do you want to be fifty and living with ten cats? No – exactly!” she answered the question without even looking at me, she answered right though. I needed to get back on track, and the only track I could see me going down was the same as Nath’s.

“Fine” I muttered trying not to show I was actually grateful, I felt like I should be annoyed at the fact they had all been talking about me behind my back – but with everything that had gone on that was the least of my worries.

Megan helped me pack a small bag as I had no idea how long I was staying. Hours? A day? Two days? I guess it depended on how well the whole thing with Nathan went.

~

I caught a taxi and arrived at the train station half an hour earlier than the time the train was meant to leave, I went and bought myself a coffee from a cute little café and pondered over at what I would say. I kind of hoped I didn’t see Nathan’s parents, not because I didn’t like them, but because I was scared they would hate me too. That Nathan had told them what I had done, and they would hate me for it.

Time seemed to fly by and before I knew it I was sat on the train moving full speed towards Nathan, I began to get nervous and the butterflies swarmed my stomach. I guess they were there because if anything went wrong this might be the last time I saw him. I hoped, I really did, that he would have cooled down and forgiven me, but I wasn’t going to get too carried away with those thoughts until I had heard from the sloth himself.

The journey seemed to take half the time it normally did and before I knew it I was walking towards the house Nath had grew up in. I’d walked down here a few times but only with Nath, it had been a while but I managed to remember the way. I kept thinking of things that would make me turn away, but my feet carried me forward knowing it was the right thing to do.

Soon enough I was stood at the end of the drive, I kept repeating what I wanted to say in my mind though I knew would probably end up saying something completely different. I took a deep breathe knowing I was up for a fight, before walking the short distance to the door and ringing the bell.

It hardly took any time at all for the door to swing open, in his navy sweats, hoodie and wearing a very scruffy hairstyle, stood Nathan. If I was perfectly honest he looked like he was in a right mess, he had circles under his eyes and he stared at me for a few seconds before any hint of recognition hit him. “What are you doing here?” he demanded, I took another breathe before I got my words out; seeing him face to face was making the whole thing ten times worse, I could see every emotion playing on his face.

“Please can I just talk to you, and then if you still want I’ll go and I’ll take my stuff” I wasn’t sure if I actually would, I just really needed to sort this out and if by saying this meant he would at least hear me out, then I was all for it.

“You have ten minutes” he sighed opening the door a little further and stepping aside so I could come in. I waited for him to shut the door before he led me to the living room, thankfully it seemed like he was home alone. He looked at me waiting to start and what I planned to say in my head earlier now didn’t seem at all appropriate, so I just told him the truth.

“Nath I’m so sorry okay. I’m sorry that I was careless, I should have paid more attention to where I was going and not been texting you. It’s just I was so excited to hear from you that I literally couldn’t wait to text you back. The whole thing is my fault, when I fell over and got back up I felt completely fine, I felt bubba kick and it put my mind to rest that I didn’t really think about it, or feel the need to tell you because I thought… Anyway when I woke up the next morning I knew something was up, I could feel it, and then when I saw the red on the sheets, I – I-“ I paused for a minute and glanced up at him, he looked at me but didn’t show any emotion so I had no idea what was running through his mind or what to think. I ran my hands through my hair before continuing.

“My whole world stopped okay, my stomach dropped, and I knew. I had done that, I’d kill- Killed Bubba” I couldn’t control the sobs that began escaping me, even now it hurt more than anything I’d ever felt. “I feel like I should be locked up in one of those jail cells, and do you know what I thought of when the doctor said I’d had a miscarriage? You, I thought of you. I wanted to be in your arms, I wanted us to comfort each other and work through it together. The only time in this whole freaking nightmare I’ve felt remotely calm and not like a murderer, was when I was with you in my room before you ran out. I understand that you’re mad at me, but we’re both going through the same thing. We’ve both lost our little baby, and I know that it was me that slipped over but it was an accident and accidents happen” I dared to glance up at him and he was biting is lip in the way I loved. His eyebrows furrowed as he thought, and for the first time since I’d began explaining he spoke.

“It hurts like hell Lau, I’ve never felt anything like this before and it’s all I can think about. I don’t like to say it, but all I think about is you slipping over. The fact that you didn’t stop and look where you were going, just for a few seconds when you knew the floor was wet. I don’t know how long it’s going to take me to get over it, one minute we were going to have a beautiful baby girl, and the next she’s been ripped from life” He didn’t meet my gaze when he said it, probably because he knew everything he said cut me like a knife.

“I don’t know what else I can say to show you it’s killing me just as much as you. I guess you’ve made your choice so I’ll just leave. Before I go though I want you to know I loved you so much, I still do. I hate that we’ve ended like this, after all being with you took me to a whole new world and I loved it so much. No-one ever made me feel the way you did, and I don’t blame you for hating me. You’re way too good for me anyway. I’ll miss you Nath, and I love you” I kissed him on the cheek and stood up as quickly as I could, my eyes began to fill with fresh tears and I had to get out of there as fast as I could.

I scurried from the house, closing the door behind me and leaving Nathan still sat on the sofa. I wasn’t just leaving the man I loved, but the memories, all the things that had made me smile – and that was a hell of a lot. As I walked back down the street to the train station tears spilled from my eyes and ran down my cheeks; I had lost the one person I loved the most in the world, and it was all my fault.

A/N – Hope you like it! What do you think?! Let me know, comment, vote, fan! I was about to say I’ll see you next Friday, but then I realized I’m going to a Lawson gig on Wednesday and The Script gig on Friday so I’m not sure when I’ll update! I’ll try my best to update sometime in the next week though! S x

P.S. I love the pic of Nath at the side I just had to put it up!