The Art of Moving On

3. Confrontation

     When I arrived home that day, I went straight to my room. I lay on my bed unable to close my eyes. Partially because Jake had seen me at the worst of times, but mostly because the guilt and pain in my heart were eating me alive. Technically, this was all my fault. If I had just told Joy that I liked Joshua I wouldn't have to suffer. I shook that thought out of my head before the thought could grow. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to tell Joy the "truth". Obviously, I didn't want to tell her that Joshua was the one that I liked, so I just won't name who the person is. I grabbed my phone from the other side of my bed and called Joy, hoping that we could talk.

     "Hello?" She answered.

     "Hey, Joy. Do you think you could come to the park? There's something I want to talk to you about," I told her.

     "Yeah, sure. I'll be there." I hung up and rushed down the stairs to the front door. I reached the park in no time. Joy wasn't there yet so I just sat on the swings. When Joy arrived, she spotted me and sat on the swing next to me. We didn't exchange any words but just enjoyed the sight of the starry sky. I could hear several crickets chirping. Their songs filled the silence. It took a few minutes before I heard Joy speak up.

     "Did you wait for long?" I shook my head at her question.

     "So, what did you want to talk about?" Joy asked.

     I took a breath before replying, "If I'm being honest with you, there's someone I like. But this someone doesn't like me and is already in a relationship with someone else. I want to be happy for them and I genuinely am. But It's just that I can't seem to let them go." I looked at Joy to see what she'd say.

     "It looks like you already have the solution to your problem. If you know it's going to hurt you, then you should make the decision. You could let this person go and open your eyes to something new, or you could not let them go and end up hurting yourself. It's your choice to make and I can only guide you and support your decision."

     At that moment, something in me had changed. I was hurting myself by not letting my feelings for Joshua go. And I knew that If I let this continue, that it could also hurt others. It isn't my fault that I liked him, but it'll be my fault if these feelings ruin Joy and Joshua's relationship. And I didn't want that to happen. It's okay to want to know what love is and how it feels. But if it repeatedly harms you or others, then that's not love, it's toxicity. I realized that holding on was not only hurting me but jeopardizing my relationship with others. It was keeping me from seeing the most beautiful moments in life. So I learned to let go.

     It felt much more relieving now that I had come to my senses and somewhat gotten over Joshua. After all, he was my first love. Joy and I bid each other goodbye and headed back to our houses. On my way home, my mind couldn't help but wander back to Joshua's best friend - Jake. That wasn't my first interaction with him, and something tells me that it won't be my last. Before Joshua and Joy started to date, I did talk to Jake. But only because Joy and Joshua would constantly flirt with each other. To say that Jake is good-looking is an understatement. He's so attractive that modeling agencies wait for school to get out just so that they can scout him. Okay, that's not completely true. But that has happened once or twice. I still find it weird that he came up to me - all by himself - and conversed with me. Even more so, I'm extremely embarrassed because he saw me completely break down. Hopefully, he forgets about that. If he doesn't, then I hope he won't tease me about it.

     I reach my house and before I could go up to my room, my mom emerged from the kitchen. "Oh, your back. I was just about to call you cause it was getting late," She said as soon as she saw me, "Did you have fun with Joy? I mean you did look a little out of it when you left."

     "Ah yeah, I guess I was just missing my best friend. And plus, I had a little bit of boy trouble," I replied with a genuine smile on my face. 

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Happy New Year! I can't believe that it's already the end of 2021! This year has defiantly been something; nonetheless, I still enjoyed it. See you guys next year (and once again, thank you to all those who are reading this story)!

-PlanetAtom <3