8 months later
"Newt! Up!" Alby shouted as he pounded on the wall near Newt's hammock. Carter jumped from her spot near him, making the tall blonde boy jump as well. "Alright!" Newt shouted back as he got up and strapped his things to his shirt. "Sup Blondie," Jesse winked as she walked past with Minho who just waved. Newt just rolled his eyes and turned to Carter who was waving at Jesse. "We don't like her," he stated firmly. "I do, she's nice and she takes care of us," Carter hummed softly. "She doesn't do that much," he scoffed. Carter opened her mouth to respond but she was cut off by the Maze doors opening. "Newt?" Carter asked in a soft, emotionally pained tone forcing Newt to spin and offer them his full attention. They got like this every day. "It's gonna be okay, I'm gonna come back and I'm going to talk shit about Jesse to you for hours like always and you're going to say...?" He trailed off, placing both his calloused hands on her shoulders, trying to comfort her. "She's one of my best friends, shut up you shank," Carter chuckled, sniffling as they recalled every night when Newt would need to rant about the ginger he spends the entire day with. "I l- I'll be back I promise. Like always," Newt hummed, the lie and shakiness in his voice not registering to his best friend. Carter took notice of the phrase he was about to utter. Three words that Newt has never been able to say to anyone. The tall black haired girl wrapped her arms around his neck, him being one of the few Gladers taller than her. He placed his hands firmly around her back and then Minho called. "They're open!" He shouted.
"Coming!" Newt yelled, looking down at Carter as they waved at the other Runners, he tried to memorise her face and all of her features. He took her hands in his and squeezed them. "See you later, ya shank," his voice cracked as he fought back all the emotion he could and then ran off towards Jesse, Minho and Ben. He and Jesse were paired together while Minho and Ben were together. They always rotated so everyone went with a different partner every time. "I forgot it was Wednesday," Newt said, masking his emotions with sarcasm and distaste like always. "Hahaha, come on," the ginger laughed sarcastically before taking off, leaving Newt to catch up. "Together J!" Minho shouted as he saw her go off. "I know!" She shouted back, slowing down for her partner.
After a while of running Jesse spotted something unusual around the corner, a wall they'd never seen before. "Newt, check that out, then meet me over there to the left alright?" Jesse asked, as she had to continue but didn't want to leave that new discovery unexplored. "Whatever matchstick," Newt said, immediately doing what she had told him. As he stared up at the wall he realised it was higher than most other walls in the Maze. He drew in a breath and reached one hand out to the ivy that covered the stone wall. He shut his eyes to stop the tears from falling but it was no use. "Fuck," he muttered under his breath.
He couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't pretend everything was okay anymore. It wasn't. He didn't know who he was, where he was from, anything about himself or his family. Did he even have a family? He couldn't help but feel like something was missing, well, everything was missing. He couldn't stand being the guy everyone leaned on anymore, he couldn't show one moment of weakness or it sent the Glade into a frenzy of fear and anxiety. But that was exactly what was happening inside Newt's head all the time. He was scared. Scared of never realising who he was before this fucking place. This fucking place, it all comes back to WCKD. He had no idea who they were but he fucking hated them. Then, one hand moved after the other and he was climbing the ivy covered wall. There was no way out. People were dying. Those were the only phrases replaying over and over again in his mind. Every movement made another tear fall down his cheek because he knew there was no turning back from this. He pushed Carter, Minho and Alby's reactions to the back of his mind. He couldn't think about how they'd react to this when they found out or he'd have second thoughts about doing it. And he's been second guessing himself for eight months. Then he thought of Jesse. He cursed himself for thinking of her in his last moments. He found himself imagining her blue eyes narrowing at him every time he spoke to her, her red hair swaying as she ran in front of him. No, no. Newt, you can't do this now okay? Just focus. He drew in a deep shaky breath and made his last stretch, pulling himself to the top of the wall and standing up. Shit this was high. He wondered what it would feel like. If it was just eternal peace or if that was all just bullshit that Alby made up to make them all feel better when a Glader died. He squinted his eyes shut and ran a hand through his long blonde hair. No more waiting. He was doing this now.
Then, just as he came into the Glade, one foot at a time and scared out of his fucking mind, Newt jumped. The fall felt like hours. He didn't open his eyes the whole time. Until his foot was caught in the ivy and his head smacked against the stone wall, sending his vision into tunnels and then, all at once, nothingness.
