Race On Race

Chapter 4 : Internalized Racism

• Internalized Rascim

This type of racism comprises our private beliefs and biases about race and racism, influenced
by our culture. This can take many different forms including: prejudice towards others of a
different race; internalized oppression—the negative beliefs about oneself by people of color;
or internalized privilege—beliefs about superiority or entitlement by white people.

J e r e m i a h . P O V

I couldn't believe what I just heard "Liam , what did you just say!?" , "Jeremiah I believe you heard me" ,I can't believe it . I turned to Nate who was next to Yeri and he had a "I told you" look on his face , there was a possibility that Liam WAS racist "how can you just assume that those guys were black, they had freaking masks on?!" , "Who else would attack innocent people for money , something so petty" he said with his face baring no emotion , I don't think Liam hears himself and how racist he sounds right now , I'm tired of black people being seen in a negative light and being known as "theives" or "thugs" without evidence ,"well if the system catered to black people properly ,we wouldn't need to turn to stealing, also why on earth are you acting like your people have never done the same" The topic wasn't about the race of the those men anymore , it was about how Liam was glamorizing white people.

"There we go again, another black person blaming the system , I've read enough books about how the system is actually FAIR to black people, it's just that you people love to always have something to hate " this idiot "let me guess those books were written by White racists weren't they , you know what , Liam I'm giving you a chance to apologize for what you just said because you're my friend" ,"apologize for what , stating a fact that you know is true!" I've had enough with Liam tonight ,if I keep arguing with him I might end up doing something I'll regret "you know what , I'm going to bed " I turn to the others "night guys"

Y e r i . P O V

Everything had escalated so quickly and two things shocked me , the fact Liam would say such things and that Nate was completely quiet . I turned to him only to find him looking at me "see Yeri , that's what the system does" I'm still not sure what this whole "system" is , Jeremiah and Liam talked about it in their  little argument but neither of them said something that would make me understand and it seems Nate knew I was thinking about it "that was systemic racism, think of it as a machine with a bunch of parts , the part you saw just now was Internalized Racism , based off of ones thinking of a race , mainly brought about by negative stereotypes " it made sense now , the way Liam was making hasty assumptions about the attackers race , it was Based off of black stereotypes .

Soon after , I helped Nate get to his bed , he was still feeling dizzy from the hit so I helped him out ,"thanks Yeri" , "what are friends for" I then helped him into his blankets  "Amitola will check on you tomorrow morning, I have plans so I won't be able to" , "are you going on date?" Nate said with a smirk "I wish , but no , I'm going to protest" , "stop Asian hate?" I nodded as I made my way to the door , "night Nate"I got out of his room and closed the door behind me , I then saw konane and Liam in the living room having a conversation . Konane looked rather angry , which was a sight to see given the fact he's usually very optimistic ,I decided to just seat and listen, I still had to wait for Amitola to get here with some painkillers for Nate "Liam how can you be so insensitive , you know what Jeremiah has gone through, he could hate your guts if he wanted too, do you really want to risk your friendship!" , "What about me?, why are you only defending him! he also made assumptions, saying that the authors of those books were "white racists " you're practically defending his racist remarks . So what , being racist is bad but when it's white people being offended it's okay?!" Konane stayed quiet "you know what , I'm sleeping at Amitola and Yeri's place tonight" Liam said as he stormed out of the apartment , but one thing was on my mind . What did Jeremiah go through?

It was now just me and konane "if you want to know what Jeremiah and the others went through, you can just ask" I looked at Konane confused, it seems konane and Nate have this ability to know what I'm thinking . I was the last one to join the group so I didn't know much about everyone except Amitola because she's my roommate , "if you're willing to tell me" I said as he stood up and went to the kitchen, he got two cups and some juice from the refrigerator and came back to his seat , "so who do you want to know about first" I thought for a minute or two and considering how I knew enough about Nate I thought it would be best to ask about Jeremiah "Jeremiah" I simply replied as he poured himself a glass of juice and sat back as he begun to tell me about Jeremiah.

Some time later.......

Silence. That's how it was. Though Konane tried to make small jokes here and there , it didn't change how I felt , angry , irritated, disappointed and most especially sad , I felt bad for Jeremiah , but there was something else I wanted to know. "What about Nate?" Konane got up from his seat and went to the kitchen once again and come back with a bag of chips and a bowl , he opened the bag of chips and put them in the bowl "you might want a snack" I got some chips and gave konane the green light to tell me about Nate.

After he finished I tried my best to try and process everything, though not as devastating or traumatic as Jeremiah's , Nate still had something to heal from and though I'm glad I know more about the two of them , I felt like it wasn't right for me to learn about their pasts from Konane and not themselves , but Unknowingly I smiled , despite what they've gone through, both Jeremiah and Nate don't let their pasts get the best of them and ruin the lives they have now ."what about you konane, do you have a bad past?" , "We all do Yeri , our traumatic experiences are what make us so close , but as for me , it's not as bad as the others . Yeah I was picked on in my younger years for being Hawaiian but it wasn't that bad. I'm just a normal guy who loves to study languages and cook " he said with a smile on his face , that made me feel happy for some reason . But to think that such stuff actually happens to people, their stories sound so made up but yet they're devastatingly true . I looked at the time and it was already 10 p.m , I wondered what was taking Amitola so long but I guess she'll bring the painkillers tommorow when she checks on Nate "it's getting late , goodnight konane, thanks for telling me about the others even though I should've asked them since it's their stories " ,
"anytime Yeri and it's fine , we trust you enough and I doubt they would be angry with you knowing about their pasts " he replied with a bright smile on his face.

I was now at our apartment door and just when I opened it , everything was in a mess and a bunch of stuff was broken , I ran to Amitola's room and saw her crying on the floor ,anxiety growing within me  "Amy what happened?!" I asked in shock as I approached her and crouched down to her level "we had a fight and , and , and .........." ,"And what Amitola?!" ,"He made me mad and I did this , he left and I have no idea where his gone to" oh no , I held Amitola in my arms as she needed someone right now but I had no idea what to do , Liam and the guys aren't on good terms right now and he just had a fight with his girlfriend, what will I do?!

This all just seemed .......too much