frozen orgasm

[choice]

there are a million
different realities;
a million
stars embedded in the dark sheet wrapped
wrapped around my small insignifant world

i am afloat
the water black and opaque
i could allow myself
let myself sink

or instead i could
paddle in defiance
resist against the hostility
of the vast waters

an island in the distance
beautiful, refreshing, elegant,
tall and handsome
warm despite the frost lingering in the air
if i go there is no return
will she accept me?

the callous ocean
knows the grass is greener
recognises the temptation
a bestial roar reverberates
bouncing around my skull

it's trivial
how did i get here?
the forceful push of lust?
the desperation of isolation?

i want an out
but i'm afraid

so i let it be
so i'm stuck

because i have already made too many decisions of my own