Grace (BWWM)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

"How was work?" I ask Grace as I pick her up. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes I drop her off and pick her up from work to take her out. She shrugs, letting out a sigh before reaching for my outstretched hand. I smile, pressing a kiss to her knuckles.

"Work was work."

"From the outside, one would think that you don't enjoy your job," I comment as she buckles up with her other hand. I pull out of the front of the building, and she rolls her eyes.

"That is not true. I am thankful to God for His provision."

"I hear a but coming," I say, and she gives a begrudging smile.

"I am telling you, I enjoy it."

"I'm just saying."

"I mean sure, it's not my dream job," she finally admits.

"And there it is."

"But we cannot all have our dream jobs," she adds quickly. I snort and roll my own eyes.

"Grace."

"Yes?"

"Let's just speak hypothetically for a second here, okay?"

"Hypothetically . . . alright."

"Hypothetically-speaking, would you rather do something else?"

"This job makes a lot of money—"

"Hypothetically, Gracie," I remind her, looking over at her for a moment. She glances at me, and I kiss her hand again before running my thumb along the back of it. "Hypothetically."

She seems to struggle with that for a moment before speaking again.

"Hypothetically." She stresses the word as if to remind me it is just that, then she trails off. "Well . . . yes."

"And what would that be?" I ask, happy she's going along with this. It's been easier to have her talk about her emotions, but there are still places where she's working on it. She's silent for a while.

"A stay-at-home mother and wife." I raise my eyebrows at that. I don't think I could have guessed it. I know that we're both more traditional, but I didn't know about this desire. "I want that," she says with clear longing in her voice.

"I wanted that with Lance, but things just didn't work out. We were different in that way, and I ended up working with the degree I had acquired before I met him. I thought it only made sense as well—after all, I had spent years getting the degree. Even after I paid back my debt for school in just a few years while Lance and I were dating, I still continued to do this job after we married. It helped us to pay off the mortgage as quickly as we did. Yet, even with that, I still kept doing this job.

"There was always a reason. As a single mother, I could not just quit. I mean I had—and have—money saved up, but I can save up more. Maybe Ty and Nova will need it for college." She lets out a breath. "It's easy to speak of dreams, but they can't always come true. One needs to be realistic."

I think over her words before responding.

"While you are right that one needs to be realistic, I would remind you not to let go of this dream. This desire you have is a beautiful one, Gracie." I press my lips to her hand again. "It's definitely countercultural as well. Our culture nowadays is encouraging women to be independent ladies who don't need a man. How many women would give anything to be where you are now, making such a large amount?"

"And feeling unfulfilled," she adds sadly. "Money is not everything, and neither is power. You get to a place in your life where you want more."

"Like family and love."

"Exactly. And I want to take care of whatever the Lord puts in my possession. Or whoever. I want to make a house a home for me and my family. That is such a wonderful thing—it being in my power to make a place a wonderful place to live in. A wonderful place to come back to after a long day. Not only that, but raising children up in the way of the Lord, and teaching them the way to go. That's amazing. A woman still has influence in that way. Sure, it's not some big-name company, but it's something that means so much more."

"That, and you're likely to be more appreciated there. To a company, you're just another number they can easily replace. If it wasn't that we ultimately work for the Lord, and not unto man, and that we do good with what He has placed into our care, I would say that it was silly to work so hard for a place that might not care much about you."

"Honestly."

"With all this being said, hypothetically . . . would you want to pursue this dream?"

She doesn't hesitate.

"I would love to."

"Then how about realistically?" I ask, and she smirks.

"I knew that was where you were going."

"Good, so now you can give me an honest answer."

"Hypothetically," she starts.

"So now you want to talk about hypotheticals? Now that we're talking about reality?"

"Dreams are merely dreams, Joe."

"Grace, are you in a financial pinch?"

"Financial—no. I am doing well."

"And the children are getting older right?"

She sees where I'm going and hesitates.

"Yes."

"Then this is time to put that dream into action. This want of yours that you were never able to put into action—now is a great time."

"Joe."

"Yes?"

"Don't encourage me. The twins still need to go to school—"

"Ty got a full-ride scholarship for all four years, and Nova was offered scholarships and grants that cut the cost of college down to just a quarter of the cost. You're telling me that you can't do anything now?"

She frowns and slips her hand out of mine, turning to look out her window.

"That's not the issue," she says under her breath.

"What is the issue then?"

"This would be such an abrupt change . . . how would I do everything? Will I just rely on my savings? How would this work?"

"Gracie."

"Yes?"

"We're getting married. You're not alone in this anymore, so I don't want you thinking that way." She pauses, but she still shakes her head.

"Even with that."

"Being a stay-at-home mother and wife doesn't mean that you can't have your own side business. If there's something you want to do, you can do that. I know how you and your mother and sister used to talk about owning your own business. Go ahead and do that. Do what you love, Gracie." I take her hand again and she looks at her lap thoughtfully.

"You're in a place where you can do that now. I'd encourage you to do the passion that the Lord has likely placed on your heart. I'd encourage you to do what you know you'll love to do."

She finally looks at me, silent. We don't discuss it further as we go out, but I know she's thinking about it.

The conversation brings another one to my mind. I've been feeling the need to tell her about something else that's been running through my mind for quite some time now. I glance at Grace as I drive. She's going to be surprised for sure. I'm nervous, hoping her response will be positive.