Light My Way Back Home •Patrick Stump+Fall Out Boy•

Chapter Fourteen: Confiding And Throwing High Fives When Everything Is Disturbed

||Cole Wentz|| First Person||

My hands are clammy, trembling inconsistently in little bursts of shakes, so I jam them in between my thighs to keep them still. My leg bounces up and down in place, my bottom lip clamped tightly between my teeth. My nerves were getting the best of me, but who could blame me when Derek Skinner was threatening the life of my best friend, Hayley Williams? My mind races a mile per minute, remembering the way he killed Elisa, remembering the dead body that belonged to Katherine. My gaze flicks down to the bandages around my wrist, a tear leaking down my cheek when I remember remember remember that his initials are carved into my wrist. I could feel myself jolting in the seat, my feet twisting and moving around until I finally just settle on leaning forward and trying not to vomit. I needed to tell someone. I can't hide this, no, I can't. Dead eyes, dead, dead eyes is the only thing I can remember looking at then. Patrick pulls the car into a parking spot, taking hold of the gearshift and putting the car in Park, He twists the key in the ignition, the soft rock ballad from some random radio station slowly dying out and leaving us in the silence that is only disrupted by the sounds of our breaths and what would have been Maya's snores if my mom hadn't come to the hospital earlier today and sworn that she could take care of the baby for the day, especially with my condition. It took the both of us(me and Patrick) some time to finally agree and let her take care of Maya for the rest of the day and overnight.

"Cole," Patrick whispers, turning his head to face me. I jump up and glance at him through my peripherals, turning my head and keeping my gaze locked on the passenger's side window. A plastic bag to the grocery store a few blocks down tumbles in the wind, jumping up and skipping until it smacks into the bumper of a car. "I think we should talk."

"What's there to talk about?" I say under my breath, my words smooth and enunciated. It's a wonder that I even managed to speak without screaming. "I'm fine, just fine. Peachy. Doctor Katherine is dead."

"C-Cole, you know what I mean. You've just been hiding things from us, and you should know from experience that it doesn't ever help." Patrick tells me, and he's reaching out for my hand before I jerk away from him and keep it closer to me. "Stop distancing yourself."

"I figured out recently that all of this is my fault." I reveal, focusing my breathing before turning my head to him. Patrick looks defeated almost, but there's a hint of determination in his eyes. "Patrick, I love you, but if you had stayed with Elisa and not me, she wouldn't have gotten involved with Derek. You two would have a beautiful kid and you'd cherish the moments when she truly was herself."

"What does that have to-" I hold up my red palm regardless of it shaking and stop him.

"Brendon told me he used to really like me back in high school. If I had liked him the same way, I wouldn't have dated Derek." I say carefully. "I wouldn't have been attacked, I wouldn't have been harassed, and Doctor Katherine wouldn't be dead just because I hung up on him."

"What?" Patrick gasps.

"He called me a few days before the meeting and he was talking and he- he, uh, he..." I trail off because a violent sob makes me gasp for air and pull my knees up to my chest in the tight space. "He knows about Maya and he said if I hung up he would kill someone else. I didn't know,"

"Hey, hey, hey." Patrick says, reaching out for me. I let him take my icy hand in his warm ones, trying to give me some comfort. "You didn't know."

"Well, now she's dead because of me not listening, and I can't let it happen again." I say sharply, yanking my wrist from his loose grasp.

"What do you mean 'again'? Did he contact you?" Patrick asks.

"Something like that," I say, leaning back into the car seat, letting the spongey leather cushion my back. I close my eyes and try to make my teeth stop chattering, but they won't. I need out of this car before something happens.