The|MULTIVERSE

[2021 BONUS] CANCEL CHRISTMAS!: EPISODE 2: THE REALMS OF WINTER!

THE REALMS OF WINTER
Santa's Plane
Temperature: Cold as Frosty's balls!

The fate of every whiney-ass child in existence rested on Ricven's shoulders. Our whimsical hero wasted no time arriving at someplace that reminded one of the North Pole, for the lands were white with snow.

With three squealing elves clinging for dear life, Ricven crossed the multiverse and plunged into the Realms of Winter, surfing on his giant crystal sword, the Aethra Exalt. Until stylishness forced him to grind Aethra Exalt on one of the candy cane railings, found all over the incredible St. Nick Citadel. Kick-flipping off of his sword. The whole stunt was remarkable for only a second until he twirled off of his blade, and the three elves somehow lost their grip. The squalling trio hurled through the air and slammed into Santa's large green door with a quirky yelp and violent jingle, all while Ricven perfectly landed onto Santa's great patio, ridding Aethra Exalt as it shrunk into an icy blue crystal shard.

He stashed the shard in his coat and shoved those fabulously thick festive doors open, where the cozy scent of peppermint invited him and bustling elves panicking as if the Book of Revelations just unfolded before them.

The three elves hurriedly guided Ricven to the shop's top floor, where Santa was last seen. There, Mrs. Claus, in all her voluptuous glory, paced about with concern all over her fine-ass face. Her thick cloak swayed madly behind her.

Those little details mattered not to Ricven. Still baked off of that Dragon Weed, his eyes were too concerned over how Mrs. Claus jiggled like gelatin as she walked.

Hot damn! Ricven's mind drooled. Mrs. Claus was thicker than Jell-O pudding.

She stopped the second that Ricven and the three elves walked in. She spun on her heels to greet them. "Oh! Ricven McQueen!" Her startled voice became soft and inviting as she calmed down. "I didn't think you would come."

Ricven palmed his hip and gestured an easy-going hand. "Neither did I. But I'm here. How do you even know me, anyway? I'm not from earth. Whichever earth y'all claim." He gestured a thumb behind him. "Still thinking I'm cooped up back at the Crux, however. How in the multiverse did you folks even find me?"

"Well, it is the multiverse, after all," said Mrs. Claus. "You're not the only one who knows a thing or two about extra-dimensional travel. How else does my husband deliver presents? And how else would we know you?"

Ricven blinked a few times. He was either confused or amused or both. "I'd ask for enlightenment—but I feel that would be too much, and we're on a time clock here."

"You're absolutely right." Mrs. Claus turned towards Santa's table of gadgets, doodads, and a large plate of half-eaten cookies to wave her hand in the air, summoning magic. A large map projected itself into view, giving Ricven and the elves a complete visual of the Realms of Winter and where Mrs. Claus believed Santa remained imprisoned.

"Krampus' fortress lies beneath the mountains west from here. Just over the Plains of Algor where the coal-infested Blackgloom Peak dwell. You will know them well, for the peaks themselves resemble the black horns of Krampus, himself."

"Lovely," said Ricven. "I get to play in coal."

"As naughty as you have been," said Mrs. Claus with a naughty grin. "Venturing into Krampus' char-infested hole in the ground suits you."

Ricven snickered with pride in his voice. "Every day's a struggle to impress myself." He then pointed to himself. "But ya' boy here has been out of commission for a long while. These bonus chapters was a spur of the moment type deal." He gave you a sly look next. "Had to let the haters know I still exist." His cosmic eyes reached Mrs. Claus again. "Any reason as to why Krampus would want to man-nap the big guy? Deal gone wrong? Bad blood? Krampus jealous because he can't get jiggy with you?"

Mrs. Claus clutched her shiny pendant that sat on top of her fat chest. "Heavens! Krampus would never have a chance in the stocking with me. As for a deal gone wrong, that could be the case."

"Is that so?"

"Very. In exchange for peace, Krampus demanded that the naughtiest be sent his special coal stones of misfortune. Those who have misbehaved were met with bad luck on Christmas. Nothing out of the range of lack of presents or a very sour holiday. The kids were never harmed."

Ricven couldn't argue that. "Sounds reasonable."

"Only that Santa has been shirking the deal." Mrs. Claus sat in Santa's chair, recalling events that just might help. "The naughty has been gaining more blessings than curses. He believes that every child should have a good Christmas. Naughty or nice."

"Sounds like Santa got in his feelings." Ricven scoffed a little. "Wish I was treated that way. Do you know what my mother did for me when I acted up? She forced me to crouch on my tippy toes with a stack of books on my head for about thirty minutes. If one book fell, five minutes were added, and if I said fuck it and ran, she'd throw a book at my ass, then proceed to whoop my ass with said book."

Mrs. Claus' eyes widened. The three elves were also stunned by what they were just told. "That sounds nuts!" The bling-bling one exclaimed for them.

"Tell that to my mother," said Ricven. "She'll stuff you in a barrel with no remorse and dragged across the fields by a horse. And Mojo was pretty damn fast." He looked at Mrs. Claus again. "Say no more, Mrs. Claus. I'll have your ole Pelznickel back before Christmas. Heroes' honor."

Mrs. Claus' smile beamed a pearly white. "Call me Carol! And thank you for taking on this important task."

"Yeah. You better!" the dark elf with the bling shouted at Ricven. "Or you will go down in history as the man who fucked Christmas!"

Ricven thinned his eyes, completing his cunning and mischievous grin. "Careful. You speak that into existence, and I just might fuck her good." He quickly regarded Mrs. Claus, ensuring she wasn't offended. "No offense to you, mam."

But little that Ricven knew until now, Mrs. Claus immensely enjoyed Ricven's crude banter and gave him her plump-lipped witty smile. "None taken." She chuckled.

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