Red vs blue and purple

Down, but not out

Grif: (heard in distance) Sim- Where'd he go? Don't kill me, I'm too good looking to die!

Fade in to Blue Base. Caboose is looking through the sniper rifle.

Caboose: Man... He is really kicking their asses.

Behind was Tucker looking very annoyed.

Tucker: How come I never get the freaking sniper rifle?

Caboose: (lowers the rifle) I'm really glad Tex is on our team and not theirs.

Tucker: Sure makes things a lot easier on us.

Caboose: Yeah. I think switching Tex for Church was a good trade.

Tucker: It definitely seems like your killing Church is starting to work out for us.

Caboose: Ya know, ya think so? You know, I was gonna say something but, uh, well you know, uh... nuh...

Tucker: Did Tex get in the base?

Caboose: (raises the rifle and watches Tex enter the base) Yeah.

Tex gets in and touches the flag as the camera Cuts to the flag stand in the Blue Base. The flag reappears.

Male Game Voice: Blue Team, flag returned.

Tucker gets started by this.

Tucker: What the...? Who said that?

He turns around to see Church behind them.

Church: (clears throat) Sorry, that was me. I, uh, I guess I had something stuck in my throat. Your flag is back, by the way.

Caboose: Hey, it's Church!

Church: Yeah, it's me. Hey, Caboose.

Caboose: (peppy) Hey, Church, what're you up to?

Church: Caboose, (laughs) ah-huh-huh, I'm not really here to make small-talk, okay? How'd you guys manage to get your flag back?

Tucker steamers as he comes up with an excuse.

Tucker: Wh-What? Oh, th-that flag? We've always had that.

Church: Tucker, who do you think you're trying to fool? Hey, wait a second... Where's Tex?

Tucker: I'm not really sure, he said he was gonna go to the store, something about uh, elbow grease.

Church throws his hands up in anger.

Church: Oh great. This is so typical! What was the one thing I told you guys the last time I appeared?

Caboose: (clueless) That Sidewinder is cold..!?

Church: (grunts) What was the OTHER one thing I told you?

Tucker: Not to let him get involved?

Church: Right. And what did you do?

Tucker: ..We let him get involved.

Church: And not just a little involved. How involved?

Caboose lowers his head.

Caboose: Very, very involved.

Cut to Tex in the Red Base.

Sarge: (emerging from the left) Freeze.

Lopez emerges from the right, trapping Tex in.

Sarge: Drop your weapon.

Tex: (drops the gun) Hey, buddy.

Sarge: What.

Tex: You really better hope the first one knocks me out.

Sarge: You know what? I think I'll let Sabine do that.

Tex: Wait? Did you say-

Tex gets hit in the back of the head, conveniently knocking Tex out holding a pistol. Behind him was Sabine, her arm still In a sling. Cut to Grif on the Red Base getting to his feet holding his head.

Grif: Ow, what the... My freakin' head. Jesus.

Simmons: (stands up from tending to Donut) He's hurt, Grif. He'll make it, but we need to get him some help fast.

Grif: Yeah, yeah, hold on one second. What happened here? W- First Donut's head exploded, and then you fainted, and then some black thing showed up and started-

Simmons: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. I did not faint, something knocked me out.

Grif: Okay fine, keep lying to yourself. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Simmons: Man, just go find Sarge, we need to get Donut outta here.

Grif: Yeah, sure. Oh, and uh, I'm fine by the way. Thanks for asking. (runs down the ramp)

Simmons: Whatever, no one likes you anyway.

Cut to Caboose looking through the sniper rifle at Grif entering the Red Base.

Caboose: Yep, he's definitely captured... Or dead... Captured or dead. ... (inhales sharply as he has an epiphany) Or captured AND dead!

Church: (sarcastic) Oh, well that's just PERFECT!

Tucker: What!? What is your problem!? Why do you even care if he's captured? I thought you hated that guy anyway for stealing your girlfriend.

Church: I never said I hated Tex. I just said that she was the reason why we never got married.

Caboose turns around and looks at Church confused.

Caboose: She?

Cut to inside Red Base with everyone but Donut present.

Simmons: Sarge, we need to get Donut air-lifted outta here.

Sarge: Could you put that in a memo and entitle it "Shit I already know!" Get on the horn with Command! (turns to Tex) Well, look who's up. Rise 'n' shine, buttercup.

Tex is standing, sparks flying from the right shoulder, jerking it back. There's a brief sound like a distorted voice.

Tex: (now sounding female) Oh great... You broke my voice filter. You slimo bastards!

Grif: Ah-ha! I knew it! Only a chick could give me a headache this big! Ow!

Sabine punch's Grif in the back of the head.

Sabine: Shut up.

Fade to black. There's a moment of silence.

Tex: ...What's the matter? You never seen a girl before? How long have you guys been out here?

Sabine: I'm the only girl here and their idiots.

Tex: That voice, it can't be. Alaska?