Two Faced

Chapter Seventeen: Thinking Of You

Chapter seventeen: Thinking Of You
Nick's POV

"How was your dinner?" Aisha asked when I got back.

I smiled, "Good. How was hanging with Maddy?"

"She called Ally at some point. Talked to her for awhile about their uh situations."

I snickered, adjusting my sweatshirt on my shoulders. "She's something, that's for sure." I hummed, "How do you even get yourself into that situation. I mean, at 5?"

"I know. Kinda had it coming."

I nodded, "Exactly. Exactly."

She ruffled my hair, pressing a kiss to my hairline, "Oh, you smell good. What's you guys eat?"

I shrugged, "Pasta. It was some sort of... mushroom creamy pasta thing. It had Alfredo noodles."

She tilted her head, "How come your friend invites you over?"

"He makes a lot of food and since I'm by myself I don't really make dinner often. So he does it to be nice." I shrugged, "I think anyways."

She didnt say anything else and slightly awkward and tense silence grew over us, "Well." She said, "I'll go shower and then head to bed. I'll be leaving by tomorrow sometimes."

"So soon?"

"I just came to check up on you." She smiled, "Make sure my little brother is still breathing. It'd kinda suck if you weren't."

"A little bit yeah." I grinned, "But hey, if I died, maybe mom and dad would come back for the funeral and finally meet their grandkids?"

She gave a sad smile, "Yeah. But let's not let that be the reason. Not looking forward to burying my brother." She gently shoved my shoulder.

The guilt hit my look a train. Flooded its way into my stomach, rotten and twisted — I felt like crying.

I felt guilty because Leozy kissed me and instantly regretted it, I felt guilty because my sister didn't want to bury her brother and yet I was living the life I did.

What was I?

Nothing.

Things would never change.

I wouldn't change, I couldn't.

Racing was a habit, bitter and bad or not, and I couldn't let it go.

Like a drug addict stuck on the high, I thrived on the adrenaline.

My own high.

So I knew I was selfish and I knew I was a fucking moron and I knew that I'd end up hurting the only family that did care for me.

But I also couldn't let it go.

"Don't worry," I said with an eye roll, "You won't have to."

~~~

I was wide awake staring at the ceiling and almost laughing at how weird it felt to sleep in my own room through the night again.