Rule #1: Don't fall in love

Part 14

Now, here I am hiding under a tree; wishing the world would just open up and take me alive. Why, why did I have to be so careless and give in. As much as I hope it doesn't change anything, I know that this will honestly change everything.

"T, T, where the fuck did you go? T, seriously we aren't children. GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!!"

"Kat?"

"Who else do you think it would be? Get out here"

I slowly saunter from out behind the tree that I was using as coverage from my enemies.

"I am not going back in there, I don't care what you say."

"Nobody cares, and my brother knows it was a in the heat of the moment type of thing"

All I can see is that look that Xavier had in this eyes. It was a look of admiration, the look of a man thinking a woman loves him back, a woman that I can never be for him.

"You didn't see the look in his eyes Kat. Even it was just a fleeting moment, the look was still there."

I'm disappointed in myself, I can't even say disappointed, I'm ashamed of myself. I see the look on Kats face and it's the same look I know was on my face when I looked into Xavs eyes. She saw it. As if knowing what I was just thinking, she slowly nods her head. Fuck.

"You know just as well as I do and you expect me to go back in there, look him in the face and tell him it was nothing? How, how can I do that Kat, please tell me"

Kat drops her head and in a whisper says "Tell him the truth"

"You really want me to hurt him Kat?"

"No, tell him the actual truth T, the truth is you love him and you've loved him since the first time you saw him in the parking lot. I know that you have your reasons to be cautious but babe you aren't your sister"

I just stare in shock, how does she know.

"Everyone knows T, everyone including Xavier know that you love him. All of us have been waiting for you to admit it to yourself and the rest of us. You can't run from this forever and you know that. Xavier will wait until you're ready and I truly hope you don't make him wait a life time"

With that Kat turned and walked back in to the hall. As I stand here in shock there's a million different things running through my head. How could they know, how can anyone know. I've been careful, so fucking careful.

"Sweetie"

I turn to find my dad standing before me with a sympathetic smile. He knows.

"Hi daddy." I begin kicking the loose dirt, unable to make eye contact.

I see him cautiously approach me, wrap his arms around me and give me the dad hug I've been needing since my incident with Xav. I cry, not a whimper but an ugly cry. You know that type of cry? The one where you just release every ounce of pain and hurt that you've been holding in. The type of cry that makes birds fly off and the wind howl. That, that is the cry that comes out of me.

"It's ok baby girl, it's ok. Let it out, let all of it out sweetie". He squeezes me tighter, I'm not sure if he thinks it will help me stop crying but it does the opposite. I begin crying to the point that sound can no longer come from my lips.

After about a half hour I have cried all the tears that my body can produce and I feel as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. You know that saying "girls need their father to teach them how to love"? My father just taught me without having to utter a single word.

He steps back, looks me in my eyes and smiles.

"Are you ready to go back in?"

"Dad I look a whole mess and a half, how can I go back in there? I've embarrassed you, mom and our family. I had one job today, one and that was to keep things together and I've accomplished everything but that"

"Tam, look at me" he brings my low hanging head back up to ensure that I'm looking him in the eyes.

"You haven't let a single person down other than yourself"

I stare at him with an arched eyebrow, requesting him to proceed.

"You've let yourself down by forcing yourself to stay alone. Tam, you have a bigger heart that anyone I have ever met. You don't need to pay for the sins of others sweetie, you deserve to be happy and to experience the love that that young man can give you."

I've only ever seen my father cry a handful of times and today is one of them. I see the pain that he's been holding in for me, the pain of seeing me alone and disbelieving anyone that says they love me.

"It's not that, it's just"

"Just what Tam? I'm not telling you to go and marry the man tomorrow but I m telling you to give him a chance."

"But what if..."

"What if he makes you happy? What if he marries you and fathers your children? Loves you more than any an aside from myself can love you?"

"No, what if he hurts me, what if he completely destroys me, my hopes, my dreams, my will to live. I refuse to end up like KK dad, I refuse"

"You aren't your sister and you need to quit using her as your excuse. You think your mother and I don't know what really happened to your sister? You think we didn't hire investigators to find out what happened that night? You think that we have discovered that she will never be able to have children because of that man?"

My stomach dropped. I had no idea that she was injured so badly. I had no idea that my parents have know everything for this long.

"Does everyone know?" my typical loud voice is smaller than I ever imagined it could ever be.

"No Tam, only your mother and I know. Do you really think we would be able to stop your brothers if they knew how bad things really were?"

"Ya you're right" I say with a low chuckle.

"Now that you've gotten yourself together, we need to go back inside before your mother comes out here and drags us both in by our ears."

My father isn't afraid of anyone except that little monster we all call mum.

I reluctantly take his outstretched hand and re -enter the hall.