All I Want for Christmas - Marina

Chapter 17: Maya

I wake up pretty early with a small headache. No doubt it's from the alcohol last night. I reach for my phone to the left of me and see it's only 6:30am. Dad should be getting up soon so I decide to get out of bed. As I'm getting up, I see that I slept on the very corner of the bed. Carina is sleeping diagonally hogging up all the space and blanket. I laugh thinking about how many times we fought over the blanket throughout the night.

Once I'm in my workout clothes and ready, I look back one more time at Carina who is still fast asleep. I turn off the fan remembering how she hated having it on last night, and move the blanket from her waist up to her shoulders so she's not cold. She stirs a little in her sleep and then snuggles into the blanket. It takes everything within me to not move the hair away from her face.

TW: Talks of emotional abuse

"MAYA!" I hear my dad call from outside of my room. It frustrates me that he doesn't take into account that Carina and everyone else is asleep. I walk out right away.

"I'm here. Can you please talk quietly so no one wakes up?" My question obviously surprises my dad from the expression I can see on his face.

"Let's go," he says and we walk into the basement where our home gym is. We each get onto the treadmills. I think that if I finish my workout early, I'll hopefully still have time to make Carina breakfast and tell her how I feel. The thought excites me, but my dad disrupts it. "How's your head feeling?" he asks.

"What?"

"I know you all went out for drinks. I heard your plans from your mom." I can hear the disappointment in his voice and it makes me anxious.

"I'm fine."

"Hm. You're changing," he says.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask.

"The Maya I raised doesn't drink alcohol."

"Dad it's nothing. We just got a few drinks. I'm an adult. I know what I'm doing," I say recalling Carina's words from last night.

"Is that you talking or Carina?" He asks catching me off guard.

"Me, dad." I try to hide the anger from my voice.

"I don't think she's good for you." I hate that he has said this because he knows his approval means everything to me. I was waiting for his approval to tell Carina how I feel, but a part of me knows he's so wrong that I don't care.

"I disagree dad," I say timidly. It's one of the first times I've had the guts to say this to him.

"We've worked so hard for you to become captain. Don't throw it away over some girl."

"We? I worked hard to become captain," I say regaining some strength in my voice.

"Don't be silly. If it wasn't for the work ethic I taught you, you would probably just be some ordinary firefighter. Just like your girlfriend is some ordinary doctor. She's not even the head of her department," he scoffs.

I feel an incredible rage building up within me. How dare he call Carina ordinary? How dare he call any firefighter ordinary. Being in these jobs in and of itself are accomplishments. I turn up the speed on the treadmill trying to organize my thoughts. "Maya, she's not the one for you." I keep running because I'm scared that whatever will come out of my mouth will be something I don't mean.

"And do you see the way she sides with your brother? She's letting him believe that his passion for the arts is a good thing. End this before Christmas. I don't want her brought back during the next set of holidays." I repeatedly press the button now to turn down the speed and get off the treadmill.

"Enough," I say through gritted teeth looking at him. He doesn't say anything and just looks at me surprised. He gets off the treadmill himself and stands in front of me.

"What type of tone are you using to talk to me?" He asks with so much anger in his voice.

"I said, enough, Dad." I once again say through gritted teeth. "Carina and Mason and everyone on my team are extraordinary people." There's so much more I want to say, but I'm too conditioned to keep my words to myself around my dad. I turn away, and he grabs me by my hair that's tied up.

"Don't you walk away from me while I'm talking to you," he yells. The yank at my hair is my last thread as I turn around and shove him. At this point the both of us are shocked by my actions. I can't believe I shoved my dad.

I walk away as fast as I can and starting making my way up the stairs to the main floor. I feel so guilty. Not for standing up for Carina and Mason, but for shoving my dad. I pace back and forth in the kitchen and decide to get a drink of water. No matter what I do, I can't find any calm in myself. I hear my dad start to come upstairs and decide to go to Carina. I'll talk to her and will feel better. I walk to the upper floor when I hear Mason and Carina talking in his room.

"That's emotional abuse, Mason." I hear Carina say. "Maya doesn't see it yet and I don't know how to tell her because she's so blinded by her love for your dad. It's not right though. He's incredibly abusive." Me? Abused? No my dad would never do that. He's tough sometimes and doesn't know his boundaries, but he's not abusive.

"I think the only person that can get her to see it is you because you're her girlfriend," I hear Mason say to Carina. I decide to step inside feeling even more angry than I was downstairs.

"No she's not," I say glaring at Mason and Carina. The two of them look worried seeing me.

"Maya," Carina says taking my hand into her own - just like she has been doing the entire trip but for the first time, I don't want her to touch me. I pull my hand away from her and take a couple steps back.

"Abused?" I ask unable to hold back my anger. "I was not abused, Carina. There are people out there that have it much worse than me. Those people are abused."

"Just because there are people out there that have it worse, doesn't mean that your abuse isn't real," Carina replies with care but it only further irritates me. I wanted to come here to tell her everything that happened, but instead I find her and Mason together discussing my relationship with my dad.

"If you thought I'm being abused by my dad, you could've spoken to me about it. Not my brother."

"Maya, at least believe your girlfriend if not me," Mason says.

"She's not my girlfriend, Mason!" I yell. I feel Carina's eyes on me as I look at Mason. Mason looks confused.

"What? What are you talking about?" He asks.

"Maya," Carina says sounding agitated. I bring my eyes to her.

"She's not my girlfriend, Mason," I say this this time looking directly into Carina's eyes feeling angry that she was talking to Mason about me being abused by my dad and not bringing it up with me. "She's not anything to me which is why she needs to take a step back and not talk about our dad like that." And in that moment, I regret what has come out of my mouth because I see the hurt in Carina's eyes. It's quick and fleeting but it was there a second ago. I feel like I'm going to be sick after seeing the impact my words had on Carina.

"She's right," Carina says looking away from me and toward Mason. "This was all fake. An act. But it isn't my place to explain this to you since I'm not anything to Maya. She'll tell you everything," Carina says as she walks past me - not once looking at me. I feel stuck in place. Unable to process everything that just happened.

I don't know how long I stand there, but I feel Mason's hands on my shoulders. I look at him still feeling nauseous from my anxiety.

"I don't know what the heck is happening, but you better go after her," Mason says. I look at him unable to understand what to do next. "Maya, don't let dad ruin your relationship with Carina like he ruined your relationship with me." I feel my eyes sting at those words, and I quickly walk over to my room to find Carina in jeans and a sweatshirt, packing her suitcase.