A little reminder

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Back story (4) 

November 03, dadi's 3rd death anniv.   I'm sure he thinks na buong araw akong down, which is true naman. Hindi niya muna pinabasa sa akin yung letter and pinasindi yung candle from 31-2. He wanted na sa 3 na para death anniv ni dadi. Para daw macheer up ako. 

Sinindihan namin ni Jaz, kapatid ko, yung candle kasi pag natunaw yun daw may lalabas na letter. And so I waited. It smelled like coffee! Hindi ko daw pwede basahin yung letter kasi connected yun sa scented candle. Nung natunaw na yung candle, there were letter beads na nakaarrange doon. Showing a complete 'Thank You' . It surely did put a smile on my face. Agad naman ako bumalik sa kwarto para basahin yung letter. 

Mali ka, thank you. You deserve that 'thank you' the most. Thank you for this day. Thank you for the past few days. You deserve a thank you since the day I met you. 

Weeks have passed. We haven't seen each other ata for like 2-3 weeks. I told you, I get those days when I don't want nobody else, just me. November 22, we saw each other again. Magpapasa kasi ng modules and nagpavaccine ako. Nagsamgyup din kami kasi I was craving na talaga non that time then kailangan ko uminom ng gamot, e tinutunaw ko pa. Gusto ni mama umuwi ako agad kasi kakavaccine ko lang. Expected na sasama ang pakiramdam ko. However, ginabi pa din ako ng uwi. 

After samgyup, dumiretso kami sa rooftop kasi nakukulangan ako sa oras na kasama ko siya. Gusto ko pa siya kasama. Kaya we stayed there until gabihin na naman ako for whoever knows what we were doing. Something happened na it was not a small thing but also wasn't a big deal. Kinda, because duda me sakanya. Because of that 'something', I had to trust him even more. 

And so, later that night after we got home, nagcall kami. I told him kami na.  It wasn't a joke tulad ng pagbiro ko sakaniya palagi. I needed that. Matagal ko naman na pinag-iisipan. Edi kung tarantado siya, mas tarantado ako pero bakit ko iisipin yung kung ano pwede niya gawin? Bakit mas titignan ko yung pwede niyang magawa kung pwede ko naman tignan kung ginagawa niya ngayon? CHARIZ ANG TOTOO KASI NIYAN NAPAMAHAL NA DIN AKO HAHAHAHAHA. 

Kahit ano pang maldita ko, o parang ang dali para sa akin umalis, I can never deny the fact that each of those days passing by, napamahal na din ako. And I would love to do that everyday of my life. 

Kaya sinagot ko ng totoo na HAHAHAHAHA. No more walls for Jib, I guess? Hindi naman ako nagsisi, hindi din kabado. Ang kaso nga lang, kapag nag-aaway kami, nasasabi ko na what if hindi ko sinagot? Mga ganun hehe. Na parang "sabi na, e. wag muna."  Pero hindi ko naman pinagsisisihan, e. Wag mo lang ako ginagalit o tinitigger. December came, we decided to attend Misa De Gallo. Which means together everyday at 4am straight. Kilig ako. I get to attend Misa De Gallo with my boyfriend plus the effort he puts in. Duh! Ang hirap kaya gumising at maligo ng ganun oras! Ang layo pa niya sa akin, susunduin niya pa ako sa bahay! 

And while sitting down at mass, I often wanna come near him and wrap mg arms around his. Maybe because I am sleepy and cold but I am sure that it was because I am thankful and happy that he manages to do things I wanna do even if it costs him efforts. Plus, para naman kay Jesus yun 'no! Gusto din talaga namin magsimba. I've always pictured seeing him early in the morning. Taray, 4:00 am. 

After simba, we would eat lang then spend time with each other tapos uuwi na. Feeling ko those everyday was our pinakasimple yet dami namin napag-usapan and nagawa. We talked, we walked, and ate! Even the simple things excites me because it was with him. I knew and was sure of it that he became part of my prayers too. 

It wasn't easy for me, life before and life ahead. But I asked God to help daddy, and maybe that was His help. Maybe dadi was really tired and needed saving. It wasn't easy for me. Everyday since that day was never easy. Alam kong ganun din si Jib. I was asking God to help me help myself naman because I was hurting too much. He removed a lot in my life and so I founded me. I was my own angel. I was my own mahiwaga. And when God saw that, maybe He planned it all. Then He sent me an angel named Gabriel. 

I am an angel myself! Dadi's an angel too! Maybe God thought I was being too matigas na that He sent me another reason to never look at life like it's hard and sad. God-willingly. Tamang oras ni Lord. 

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