Forever...?

Chapter 34

(Daylight By Maroon 5)

I have to leave soon. I don't want to leave. He is asleep next to me. The sun isn't even up yet. It's around 3am, and I can't sleep.

His arms are wrapped around me, I'm wearing one of his shirts and a pair of his boxers, he's wearing just a pair of boxers. His face was in the crook of my neck and he was holding me like I was going to disappear.

I should probably say I regret it all, but I don't regret a single thing. I've always wished I would find my peace, and with him I did, but now... Now I never will again.

I want nobody but him.

No one has ever touched my heart the way he has. No one has ever made me smile the way he has. No one has made me fall in love the way he has. It wasn't love at first sight, but it was familiarity.

Something like, it's you, it's going to be you, it's always going to be you.

As my dad used to say "you're allowed to be excited for the next chapter of your life while simultaneously being scared to leave the previous one behind."

I was terrified yet excited to see what else the world had to offer me.

"This is goodbye. I need to see what the world has to offer me. If that's you, that's great, but I need to see what else the world has to offer, and this is a perfect yet horrible opportunity." I whispered, this is the time I could get all my emotions out and have no feedback.

I needed to, I don't know why, but I did. Maybe it would give me closure.

I believed I had a future, but I don't know if I'm strong enough to fight for it. In the end I know these scars will never completely heal and I will be brought back to all of these memories.

My heart will still be broken, but I can put a smile on my face everyday and fool everyone. It doesn't matter anymore, I will make it, I will accomplish every dream I want to. I can and will make it.

"Break my heart Nicholas, break it a thousand times. It was only ever yours to break anyways." This felt very therapeutic, and I have no idea why.

I felt my eyes start to close but I made sure they stayed open. This is my last night, I'm trying not to fall asleep because I don't want to miss a thing.

When I wake up, I don't want to have to slip away. I slowly turned around to face him, he looked so peaceful. I looked at him with a sad smile on my face.

Maybe I should've taken my sleeping meds tonight, but I didn't want to sleep through the last night. I will be with him for a long time.

The sun was starting to rise which made my heartbeat increase. It needed to slow down, time needed to stop.

I heard the front door open, and heard George, Dream, Skylar, and Ranboo walk in. I heard a female and another male as well.

I'm trying to keep my gaze on him because I know that when I leave all I'll be left with is a memory.
I slowly got up, not wanting to wake him and got dressed.

I went to the bathroom and once I walked back into his room he was awake and dressed. He smiled sadly at me before coming over and hugging me.

"I thought you left without saying anything..." He mumbled, causing me to stare at the ceiling trying to stop my tears.

I gathered all of my things and we walked out of the room. I put my things by the front door before going to the kitchen where everyone else was. Two faces I did not recognize stared back at me.