What Happened to Romance?

1: A Letter From the Dead

A Letter From the Dead

To:  Luke

By the time you’ve read this, I’m probably dead or we’re about to celebrate your 18th birthday… To be completely honest, I prefer the latter. This is my first letter to you, and obviously my last, because I am in the verge of dying as I’m writing this. Well, who said letters were out of style?

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s how my father broke his teeth on cigarettes and vodka, because he still loves my mother after years of getting a divorce. Every second Saturday of the month, my siblings and I would visit him, and that’s the only time he would sober up. He would laugh with us, but you could still see the pain in his eyes as my siblings mention stories about my mother. Maybe he thought leaving would mend his heart, but it just broke completely as he departed.

It’s not that I don’t love you. Its how broken my mother was. I swear she was hurting so much because of the divorce; she even took some pills before she slept to numb the pain. She dated a lot of men over the years, but on rare occasions, she cried, clutching a picture frame to her chest – a picture frame of my father, the only memorabilia of him that she didn’t burn into ashes. Maybe we try to love someone else because we are still hung up to the person we really love but then we realize that it’s no use, because love cannot and will never be transferable. 

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s how my brother cried silently at night because the only girl he’d ever loved is in love with someone better than him. At school, he would laugh with his buddies, making fun of the girl; but sometimes, he would tell me how stupid he was to let someone like her go. He convinced himself that he has moved on, but whenever he sees that girl kissing that guy at the school corridors, he knew he hasn’t. Maybe we’re all waiting for the one who got away to come back to us.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s how my sister ran to my room at 2AM because he saw her boyfriend kissing his best friend. She cried a lot that night, and all I did was hold her and convince her that everything will turn out right. The next day, her boyfriend came crawling back to her, and the stupid thing was that she accepted him back and she ended her 12-year friendship with her best friend. Maybe we’re blinded by the idea of love, blinded by the idea that only love can heal our brokenness, even though the person you love is the reason why you are damaged.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s how my best friend broke her heart because the guy she loves is in love with somebody else. She loved the guy first, but she never said anything because she was afraid that the guy will laugh at her and end their friendship. She saw the way the guy he loves look at the girl he loves, and she felt her heart breaking into a thousand pieces. Maybe we always fall for the ones we can never have, and we don’t do anything about it but fall for that person even more.

It’s not that I don’t love you; it’s that I do, even though I’ve witnessed how the people I love get their hearts broken, I am still willing to put my heart on par despite in a few days, I will be buried under the ground and you will still breathe the same air and see the same scenery. 

I love you even though we’re on the road to getting our hearts broken, but I guess that love can hurt you, yet it can also heal broken hearts, and maybe that’s what I need before leaving this earth completely; my heart to be healed, and surprisingly, I fell for you, and we shared a love that made me feel infinite for a short period. You healed me, and that’s why I love you so.

Thank you, Luke.

-C

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Hooray for the first upload! :) Hoping to get more readers hehe xx 

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