What Is Life? - A George Harrison FanFic

Chapter 13

A few months later:

Being married to George has its pros and cons. The pro is that I have someone who loves and protects me unconditionally no matter the circumstances. I have seen him go out of his way on many occasions to pick me up when I am down and to him it never is a burden.

The con to being married is that there are going to be times when you feel alone. George spent so much time working at the studio recording and making music. Whether it was down in London or here at home and it gets lonely.

I never impede on his creative process and so there are nights that I end up sleeping alone without George. At first he would kind of gently slip into bed in the middle of the night but lately he has been sleeping in another room so he doesn't wake me up.

There are some nights that we do get to spend time together and be romantic and those have been the nights that I live for. After the stress of my days and working as hard as I do, it's nice to be able to be loved by my husband.

Jenna was back in America working but promised to come back and visit as soon as she could. My days consisted of work, and having tea with Cynthia Lennon. She stopped by often; sometimes with Julian and sometimes without.

After waking up, deciding not to be upset with George for something he thinks is a benefit to me and my rest, we got ready for the day. I showered and got dressed in something I was able to throw together and George meditated for around 20 minutes straight in complete silence. Then I sent George off to London with a healthy meal in his stomach, hoping he knows how much I care about his well being and that I support his creative process. I got some work done and then Cynthia stopped by.

Today she was without Julian and she was visibly upset.

"Cyn," I tried to console her, "what is wrong?"

"John is a no good, dirty, rotten, cheater," she cried.

My heart pounded in my chest. I grew angry and didn't believe that it could be true. I knew John and he has always seemed like a stand up guy. He was always the first one in the group to be joking around but he always was kind and gentle. Not the type to cheat on his wife.

Then again, he was a "rockstar." He is constantly pressured by the outside influences of the world. The very things my dad had warned me about. I grew concerned for a moment that there are things going on that George hasn't told me about.

"How do you know?" I said unable to believe it.

"I caught them," she said. She had now composed herself and reached for some tea. She looked like she was numb to the whole situation now and had no emotion on her face. She was just talking.

"In your house?" I asked her. That would be a very upsetting thing to have to see.

"I was away with Julian visiting my mother and we made the mistake of coming back early," she said, "I packed up what things I could and we left. That's where Julian is now."

"I am so sorry, Cyn." I said to her, not knowing what to say. I was angry, I was upset right with her. He has a son and a lovely wife that just wants him to be with her. If he cannot handle it he needs to be honest with her.

"I have had my suspicions before. When they were on tours in America or across the world," she thought back, "all the guys were with women every night. I never wanted to believe that John was and of course he never would admit it either way."

"George would have told you," I thought, he was a kind soul.

"Are you kidding?" She said, "there's a code and a bond between them all, what happens between them is sacred."

Was she right? If George did something he didn't want me to know about would the other guys cover for him and not tell me. It made sense. However I was pretty confident that George was faithful to me since our marriage and anything else I knew I could understand and forgive. His meditation has given him an outlet to cope with the stress he's been going through.

"You may be right," I said just as upset as she, "I'm sorry that George hasn't told me about John being with other women."

"How's your marriage been?" She then asked me. I didn't want to be fully honest and tell her that we've already been sleeping apart most nights as of late. It wasn't because of infidelity. It was because he cared deeply about me.

"The honeymoon phase has ended and work has been hard, the hours long."

"You better watch," she said "pay attention to where George is and at what hour he crawls into bed."

Whether it was her intention or not, she was causing me to second guess myself and to think of my husband as someone who could sneak around behind my back. Her and John had been married for 4 years or so, George and I almost 4 months. There was no way we could grow bored and hurt me this fast. He made a promise to me.

"Cyn," I said, "you don't know George if you think he's capable of being unfaithful."

"I'm not saying he has been, but I know how he was before he met you," she continued to entertain the idea.

"I am aware. But I don't care how he was before he met me. He asked me to marry him for a reason. He wants me and only me."

She then started to sob again and I knew what I had said came across as though John didn't want that with her. She was sensitive right now.

"All I am saying," she said in between tears, "...you better watch. He is going to get you pregnant and you're not going to be able to model... or fit into your clothes anymore. Then when the baby is older he's going to leave you as a single parent."

"I am sorry that this is happening to you," I said gently to her, ignoring her ill wishes on me, "but those things aren't going to happen to me."

I thought briefly about how George and I weren't really being intimate that often. I would know if I was to get pregnant and that currently wasn't going to happen. We also haven't discussed children yet. Everything in our relationship started in overdrive and we have been taking things much slower now.

With that our own friendship now felt strained as she excused herself. I immediately called up Maureen who was now engaged to Ringo and begged her to come over.

When she got there she couldn't believe what had been said between Cynthia and I. However, she did know about John's infidelity. Ringo had told her and she still hadn't told Cynthia.

"It is not my business," she said "we're in a relationship and he tells me things with the understanding that it's not my business to tell."

"I understand that," I said "but George..."

"He hasn't been unfaithful, has he?" She looked shocked.

"Well, no," I said simply, "I don't think he would ever do that to me. I just mean that he doesn't tell me things like that."

"Well ask him," she said. Then we sat and chatted about my modeling and then about the new Beatles album the men were busy finishing up all day every day in the studio. We didn't know what would now happen with John and Cynthia.

In the evening I made dinner and then put the leftovers in the fridge in case George was hungry when he got home. I didn't know what time that would be but I wanted to stay up and wait for him. I put on something sexy and then my robe. Then I started a fire in the fireplace and laid on the sofa.

I thought about how George was so delicate with me when we began to see each other. He slept out here in order to make sure he didn't step out of bounds with me. He was no longer sleeping with women and he was present for me and only me.

I felt my eyes grow heavy after I saw the sparks go out slowly. The fire was gone and I didn't want to feed it or start it up again. I also didn't fight my eyelids from closing.

A little later I felt arms picking me up and carrying me up the stairs.

"George?" I asked softly.

"It's me," he said in response, "what are you doing down here? You're going to catch a cold!"

I realized that I had been freezing. We reached the bedroom and he set me on the bed and wrapped me in a blanket.

"Come to bed," I stopped him from walking away.

"I'm just tired," he said shaking his head.

"Beds are for sleeping," I said to him in response, pulling him to me.

"I am afraid," he said choosing his words carefully and looking unsure of how I will react to what he is saying, "If I lay next to you then I feel as though I am a bad husband. I am never home because of work and I... do want you. But this hour isn't a good hour to want your wife... your wife who has also worked all day and needs her rest."

He finished babbling and I jumped up to hold him. He was going through something mentally. Maybe it was the pressures of work and of being someone's husband so quickly.

"It's partly my fault for not talking about this sooner," I said softly, "but I want you. Any time of day, even at this hour. You don't have to sleep in another room.."

"I don't doubt that you want me, Lo," he said kissing the top of my head as I squeezed his body against mine, "I just feel the world around me differently with my meditations, and I have lots of time to think about the man I need to be for you. When we have time off I am going to be present for you, I will be the man that you need."

I now had my answer, he wasn't having an affair with anyone else if he wouldn't even rest in the same bed as me when I want him to. He seemed to want to be abstinent all of a sudden and why should I get upset with him for that.

"Can you make a promise?" I said to him.

"Anything," he said in response.

"Can we be present in each other's lives right now... while we are both working," I stated, "not just when work ends."

He nodded.

"I will be better about that," he promised, "it's just hard right now, but I do feel guilty about leaving you here in this big house alone everyday, and then there's the hour drive home that gets to me as well."

A few moments passed as I contemplated bringing up what Cynthia told me today. Then I spoke.

"I had a visit from Cynthia this afternoon," I said to him, catching him off guard. He seemed to know what I knew. John must have told the guys she caught him cheating.

He then sat down on the bed and pulled me into his lap and held me. He nestled his face into my neck and breathed gently.

"That is John," he finally said, "I don't have any say in how he conducts his private life."

"I don't doubt you," I said to him, "but how could you know about it and not tell me."

"John has been sleeping with other women their entire marriage," he then admitted, sounding frustrated, "long before I met you. And you are aware of my behavior before I met you. It was what came with this lifestyle."

I was aware and I am also aware that he chose me and has been faithful to me ever since. For that I am a lucky woman. I merely stare into his eyes and I feel comfort, love and warmth as though I've known him all my life.

George could sense my growing anxieties and held me tighter, for comfort. He was holding me together, in a way. i was deeply affected by the possible end of their marriage.

My entire view on who the Beatles were was quickly changing. 

"Are you mad then that I never told you about it?" George then asked me.

"No," I said calmly, "I'm not mad, just upset. I considered John a friend, and Cynthia my best friend and now I'm just upset."

"Don't be upset, Lo," he urged me, "we cannot change what has happened or what will happen. What I can assure you is that you are my whole world, you are my muse...my sunshine. Without you I wouldn't know what my life is."

"Oh, George," I turned around and stood between his legs as he stayed put, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"What plans do you have tomorrow?" He asked me, suddenly. I was happy he wanted to know.

"My next photo shoot is in 3 days," I smiled at him, "so I have nothing that I am really working on at the moment."

I began caressing his head in my hands and he in turn pulled me close to him and then I ran my fingers through his thick, growing brown hair. I dragged my fingertips down the stubble growing on his face and felt my whole world in my hands.

He then grabbed my  hands and held them in his.

"Then you are coming to London" he said and brought his face to mine, kissing me passionately and pulling me into our bed.