A Lovely Contrast.||• BTS •||

3. Never thought my first...

3. Never thought my first time would be like this.

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Sitting under the Banyan tree, closing my eyes, I enjoy the cool breeze of soon arriving Autumn caressing my face softly. It's all magical in this season and I can never get tired of it.
I slowly open my eyelids and adjust to the sun glaring at me strongly.

I look around to witness Abhay looking at me with his doe eyes, his brown orbs staring at me with so much warmth, and I just don't ever want to look away. He continues staring at me and I want to...

Wait.
What am I doing?
Why am I thinking about him in this way?
What the hell?
What are you thinking Radha?

I look at the front again and found him walking away swiftly while ignoring me. I stood up in a way to stop him and ask about his stares all the time but he came out to be quite fast and ran away.
He always does this. Whenever I am alone or should I say, whenever he is alone, he stares at me with those brown endearing eyes as he has never seen me. Like no one will ever see me with so much tenderness.
But what the heck?
Then why does he fights with me so much?
Why does he fucking provoke me all the time?
Why am I thinking about him like this?
What am I going to do with myself?
Oh, God. I want to spend my recess in silence and peace not thinking about someone worthless of my thoughts.

I stroll around looking at my school building, the light blue painted building in which I've spent 13 years of my life. Playing, jumping, and studying. I explore more of this area with my wide eyes, the area I know by heart now. The dark blue painted entrance gate, the playground just beside that full of mud, the basketball court, and the whole Bus-parking space.
It all feels like yesterday when my parents helped me carry my small school bag on my fragile shoulders.
When the first time I won a medal in an inter-school dance competition and ran into my teacher's arms.
When I played basketball championship on the court ending up winning.
It all feels like a long and pleasant dream.

Suddenly, I see a shadow beside the second entrance. Our school has three entrances - one on the front, the second on the left corner, and the third at the back.
I walk toward that shadow releasing some kind of steam or smoke, I don't know. As I get closer, the body pattern becomes familiar, and reaching just a few steps further from the fuming figure, I recognize her.
School's low-key philosopher, Mahi.

She is a beautiful, polite, studious, fun, and all in all perfect person.
Her words are so philosophical and relatable that you can get lost in her talks or maybe get relaxed after listening to her.
I sit beside her slowly to not interrupt her in her moment and I am surprised to see she's smoking. Although, she's 17, still not a legal adult to drink or smoke.

"Are you astonished by my act?" She asks suddenly pulling me out of my trance. I flinched a bit by the sudden voice but calmed myself soon.
"W-W-What?," I asked stuttering not understanding what she's implying.

"You're shocked to see me smoking and that too in the back of the school, aren't you?" She takes another puff of the burning stick in between her fingers and releases a long choir of smoke. I sometimes, wonder what it would be like smoking but never tried it. The opportunity never came. Nobody in my family or surrounding has the habit of smoking or even drinking. I want to try drinking too. Not to make it an everlasting habit or routine but just to try it with someone I trust.

"I-I am not.!" I say raising my voice a bit to prove my lie that I know she can see through.
Her facial expression doesn't change nor she replies anything in return. Sometimes, it is difficult to know what she is thinking or feeling because of the neutral expression she always possesses. I always get lost in my thoughts thinking about her and her life that she never shares with us. She's always the quiet nerd in the class but also gorgeous and fun to be with. She jokes around when not in class and curses a lot too much to handle but it all dissolves when she smiles.
The infamous charming smile of Mahi.

I sense gas moving in front of my eyes and focus to see the cigarette she is waving literally on my face.
I look at her confused and she gestures me to hold it and ask, "Try?"

I'm out of my mind. I think of so many things in just one second. Would it be wrong if I try it at this age? What if my parents get to know about this? What if someone catches us? What if that devil Abhay sneak on me?

But I want to try it. Right now!

And this desire takes over and I snatch the cigarette from her hand to take a puff quickly not to be seen by anyone. Smoke burns every corner of my lungs and I cough hard to get that feeling out and I almost cough my diaphragm out. It was so burning and irritating. I feel uneasy and rub one hand on the front of my chest and feel another hand rubbing my back, that is I know of Mahi.

This was not at all what I expected for my first time smoking.

Do all the people who smoke have this feeling like their lungs are on fire every single time? It's so fucking bad.

"Take it easy. It's not going anywhere." Mahi said chuckling after witnessing my act of adrenaline rush. She took the burning stick from my fingers whose flame was just about to touch my thumb and threw it on the ground, crushing it with her sneakers.

I continued coughing and rubbing my chest to calm the burn down but to no help. Then, a mint chewing-gum was offered to me by the long beautiful fingers with no sign of nail polish or any girly accessories. I looked up to see a genuinely-smiling Mahi nodding at me.
"It'll help." She said so simply yet magically. Now I know why everyone gets so hypnotized by her smile. Her smile contains all the tenderness and warmth in the world. If she ever smiles at you, it's always genuine and caring. She's a person not to mess up with but caring towards good people.

"Thanks," I said while taking the gum in my mouth chewing it fastly to get rid of this feeling of flame.

"What are you so confused about?" She asks me all of a sudden.
"What?" I asked perplexed about what she's talking about.

She could not have. No. How? Is she did, who is she?

I was continuously consoling myself that she couldn't have figured out my thoughts about my bully. About his strange behavior and my stupid notions about him.

"When you came here, you were baffled by something. What was it?", She inquires looking straight at the bright, cloudless sky.

How can she estimate expressions like that? How can she just casually interrogate me about my trance?
No wonder why she is considered the 'Philosopher and wise girl' of the school even at this small age.

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