Rᴇʟɪᴀɴᴄᴇ | Dʀᴇᴀᴍ Sᴍᴘ Oɴᴇsʜᴏᴛs (ᴀɴɢsᴛ)

Relapse - Tommy and Sapnap

Characters: Tommy, Sapnap and Dream. Mentions of Tubbo, Ranboo, Wilbur, Aimsey, Billzo and Freddie.

[Tommy tries to refrain from self harm after 3 months of being clean]

TW// Self-harm, blood, gore

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Third pov

The month when Tommy joined the Dream SMP was a tough month on him. He gained about 100K Twitch viewers after the first lore stream. It's cool but not all of them say nice things. The comments and the pressure were getting to him. He didn't like that but the more he tried to fix it the more it became worse. Then he cut himself. For fucks sake, he was disappointed in himself and didn't know what to do anymore. He told Tubbo about it the day after it happened, because Tubbo knew there was something wrong. Tommy didn't want anyone else to know but he was fighting the urge to do it again. Tubbo was asleep at the time and his phone was on silent. He called Wilbur, who picked up almost immediately and genuinely helped him a lot. Now Wilbur, Sapnap and Tubbo knew he's self-harmed in the past. Out of the Dream team he was closest to Sapnap. Sapnap was told he self-harmed a month after it happened when they were on a call and got into deep conversation.

Things got better! Tommy learned how to keep his feelings inside and knew how to control them better. He was clean from self-harm for three months and part of him was actually proud. That month Ranboo and Tubbo went to America, cool! Then Aimsey, Billzo and Tommy's school friend Freddie followed along. Okay, well he's never told any of his irl friends about him self harming but at least he'll still have Wilbur. Fuck, Wilbur followed.

He was sat on his room floor, his back leaning against the side of his bed. He stared out the window, the sunlight was dazzling. He breathed, shakily and heavily.

"Relapse. Relapse. Relapse. No one can stop you. Do it." The voices in his head told him yes when his heart told him no.

He leaned to his heart's choice, making his fingers go on Instagram. He searched for '@sapnapinsta' and clicked 'Message'. What's he gonna do now?

"He can't help you, idiot. Cut yourself. You know you want to." The voices said.

His fingers trembled as he typed to Sapnap.

'soery to bkther i nednhelp'

He clicked send and didn't bother to correct his spelling.

"Fuck you. Why did you send that? Look what you've done. He never cared, he won't reply. Just do it. 3 months is nothing. You have two scissors and three blades under your bed just a feet away." He couldn't stop the voices, he couldn't fight the urge to give in to what they were saying.

He pushed his phone out of his way, getting a blade from under his bed behind him. He brought it close, now facing his bed. He placed it and pressed it down on his wrist horizontally, pulling it back in full speed. Red dots were seen, but it just wasn't enough. He did it again, and again, they weren't as deep to his liking but there was too much blood, and too many cuts for him to tell. He continued until the blood smeared on his blade. The burning sensation oddly satisfied him.

Blood slowly trailed down his wrist. Before he got up to wash it off, he realized he was still in Sapnap's chat. Tommy saw him typing, unaware Sapnap had replied 2 minutes after Tommy texted. He scrolled up to read the prior messages.

Sapnap

You're not bothering, what's wrong?

Tommy?? You there?
What did you need help with?