We'll Get Through This

CHAPTER 01

MAYA'S POV

Eleven months. That was our record.

Eleven months without a fight, without major disagreements.

I guess it's true what people say: the honeymoon phase doesn't last forever.

For a short moment while I bared my insecurities and fears out loud I could only focus on the visible disappointment on my wife's face and after the Jack incident, I never thought I'd ever get to cause that much sorrow.

It killed me.

It hurt me more than I thought it would because that is my wife now. The person I'm building a life with, the woman I desperately love and I cannot give her the thing she wants most.

-Bambina, are you coming? - Her voice brought me back to reality.

-Y-Yeah, sure! - I jumped out of her Porshe, following her towards our building and discretely pulling the groceries bag from her hand so she could manage the keys more easily. I loved seeing that shy smile of gratitude on her face.

-I can't believe it! - She groaned as soon as we walked through the door.

-What?

-We forgot the basil! - Her hand flat open against her forehead showed all the indignation towards our forgetfulness.

-We can survive a night without basil, Carina. - I said, putting the groceries on the countertop. - I'll pass by the shop after my shift tomorrow and I'll get your basil.

-I guess we'll have to order a take-out tonight then! I refuse to make lasagna without basil. - She was already putting the food away inside the cabinets.

-Was this your plot to get us to order take-out tonight? - I joked while squatting and placing cleaning products inside a cabinet.

-No, I guess I just forgot... I'm not thinking straight lately. - She sighed behind me. I knew the reason why, so I didn't ask, but the monstrous guilt inside my chest made itself be noticed.

-I'm really hoping you stay that way since you're married to a woman. - I tried to joke, but the little laughter I received from Carina didn't convince me I didn't succeed in changing the thoughts inside her mind.

After putting everything away she went straight to our room, opened her laptop and started typing - drowning herself in work has been her coping mechanism for the past two weeks, that along with a sex strike since the day we had "the talk" - so I went to the bathroom without saying anything and jumped in a quick shower.

-Do you want to watch something? - I asked running the towel through my hair.

-I'm working... - She simply said, not looking at me at all.

-I mean... Later. - I insisted.

-Yeah, maybe later. - Again, no eye contact.

It was driving me insane. All this passive-aggressive bullshit was never our thing. I have my issues with communication - sure, big issues - but I have been working hard in therapy for improvement. To be a better wife. It is simply frustrating to know that there is a problem and that there's no way to resolve it so that both parties are well and satisfied with the outcome. But I have to try and get back to our normal, although knowing that I had to give her space to process everything.

I went into the living room and turned on the television before flopping onto the couch and trying to concentrate on a random basketball game without much success. My mind went back to the Italian woman in the other room and I just wish I could go back there to hug her and kiss her whenever I wanted. Now it was almost as if I had to hope she was willing to show me some affection - although I know she wouldn't necessarily reject my touch, I don't want to impose anything when she clearly doesn't feel that comfortable.