12/29/21
Im tired, like always, except today was a little different. My step-mom had a job interview over zoom and i had to stay in my room all morning. Due to that, i couldnt eat until 2 pm.
I went to my Grandma's house right next door with my sibling and we asked for our gingerbread houses that we built. We both ate some of it and when i mentioned i hadn't eaten anything else all day, my grandma offered lunch. So of course i say yes. I had soup and bread, she always makes me comfortable, and i love her.
My step-mom on the other hand?? I hated eating in front of her, she always was obsessed with fitness and being healthy and everything..i dunno..she just makes my ED worse. My boyfriend offered to buy me food and i told him no because of her, i did want food but i didnt want her judgement.
Later in the day i realized that i force-feminized myself so that people would like me better...and i always make things sexual so my partner will stay.. i feel terrible for my boyfriend. All i ever do is make things sexual and i hate to be that person. Ive been wanting to binge eat all week but this is just getting unbearable. At least i have a corset now..it should be arrivibg tomorrow, that way i can feel skinny and not hate myself.
Not to mention, my dad is just such a dick even though he seems to be trying his best. I fucking hate him. He chose drugs over me, then chose another family over me. He chose everything over me and i blame him entirely, i dont care. I fucking hate his guts and i hope he regrets everything hes done in life after he left me.
