The Next Best Thing: Part II

Forty-Five

I called my dad to grant me permission into their perfect palace. I wasn't about to go through what I'd been through with Zoe, the humiliation of being forbidden to go into my childhood home because I was a failure. Carla was surprised by my stopping by, suspicious of my intentions.

"You'll know soon enough," I assured her.

Dad was sitting in the living room reading the paper, a medical journal. Even in his downtime, he was work oriented, his first love and first born child. He was always busy when we were younger, always off somewhere to save the world.

I didn't understand why I was raised by strangers, why I hardly ever saw my parents during the school semester and why holidays were the only time I was asked how I was doing.

Lily got it good, all thanks to Carla who entered our lives when my mom had just given birth. She needed a hands-on nanny who sympathised with her: to take care of her month old baby when she went back to work. Carla was also pregnant at the time, dealing with being widowed at 25 and the concept of being a single mom.

Carla was our rightful guardian, and my shoulder, my rock. Not my dad, and most certainly not my mother.

"Hi, Dad." I stood over him and smiled at his kind, spectacle wearing face. He stood up to embrace me - I took a step back and he got the message. "Where is she?"

"You mean where is my mother, Min Kanagawa," my mom corrected, descending the staircase in her signature black strappy heels adding extra height to her already tall figure.

"Your father told me you'd be stopping by. Out with it, whatever it is you want to tell me. I'm expecting guests in thirty minutes. Your presence here is very inconvenient and not at all appreciated."

"Lila, let's give her some breathing room. Please? Be nice to the child for once," my dad intervened on my behalf. "Carry on, dear."

"I just want her to get this silly confession or admission of her guilt and regret for disobeying me and carrying on her whore like behavior," she continued in her cold tone.

I ignored her insult because I wasn't about to let it phase me. I inhaled deep, sharp breaths.

"I'm pregnant."

I unbuttoned my coat for emphasis, unveiling my round belly sticking out of my small body. "I'm in my third trimester and I'm having a girl. You're going to be grandparents. I thought it appropriate to inform you before the press or Mom's informants. You know them, right Mom? The ones that follow Lil and I around every day. And don't bother denying it," I proceeded.

"You're what? You. Are. What!" Lila's face turned an unattractive grey, pursing her lips in a scowl and her eyes a devilish dark blue.

"I'm pregnant, Mom."

"What is wrong with you child? Why won't you learn! Why won't you just learn and maybe stop embarrassing me!" She suddenly, quickly flung her body at me, digging her manicured fingers into my neck and half-choking me to death. "Why are you so damn stupid! Answer me, you imbecile!"

Meiko pulled her away from me, grabbing her waist and her wrists. I was out of breath as my neck began to throb painfully, but I was only getting started.

"The question here is: what is wrong with you?" I retorted boldly, steady and without stuttering. "How can someone so smart, so level headed, so independent, fail at being a parent, a role model and a good influence? The answer to that question is greed and egomania."

She was such a power hungry, money worshipping leach whose feelings were traded for success. She put herself first, above me, above Dad and most of all above her baby, Lily.

She had an unhealthy need to control people, to make them dance to her tune, to make them like her, clones of what she must have thought was a model human who was made infallible, perfect.

"Everyone has to kiss your feet to be even considered worthy of your attention. That's what you wanted from Lyle, isn't it?," I guessed, finally putting all the pieces together. "You wanted someone you could fashion into what you saw fit, someone who would lose themself to gain your respect.

But what you saw was an independent free-spirit who challenged your hard heart, chiseled through the stone to get closest to the real you, the one you've sacrificed for this beautiful life of yours."

She saw two people that had a deep, a real connection, one she'd never feel or experience, one she never thought existed and she stole it away from me. "Because if mommy dearest can't have it, neither can you," I snorted.

"You've clung onto dad because he lifted your status in society, made you wealthy beyond belief and gave you the world. He loves you so much but you have an utter disregard towards the feelings of others.

You find it impossible to love, to be humane, to live with the unfairness of life. You're not a human being, someone I could even begin to call my mother."

I wish I had tears to wipe, tears signifying my relief from all the pain I'd felt my whole life. But they wouldn't come. I had already closed that chapter of my life. I wasn't dwelling in the past anymore.

"You broke my heart a long time ago so this isn't about me or my childhood depression and anxiety. You made sure that was taken care of by all those therapists we were taken to, remember? No, Mom. That isn't it. This is about my child, the child I want you to know exists and I'll never introduce you to. You'll never meet her because she deserves everything I never had as a kid growing up in this hell hole. She deserves to be loved and to be happy, two things you're incapable of providing."

I wanted them to know that I appreciated everything they'd done for me, though with the wrong agenda in mind. But I couldn't continue like this anymore.

"I've realised that I don't want anything to do with you. I just hope what I've said today makes you re-examine and re-evaluate your lives for Lily's sake. She's not a baby anymore. She is old enough to see the ugly truths staring her in the face about our family, envied by so many ignorant people.

I don't wish such parenting upon any child, especially not mine. I just hope you enjoy the rest of your life. This is goodbye, the beginning of my new life without shadows of misery following after me."

Carla was standing proud by the adjoining doorway to the kitchen, a big grin on her face and her hands firm on her hips.

Meiko plopped into his chair. He was exhausted. He was defeated. He removed his reading glasses and buried his face in open palms to sob because he'd failed at his role of being a father. He was finally admitting it to himself, the first step to repairing our strained relationship. I had faith in moving past this; he was still my dad and I loved him unconditionally.

Lila smoothed her skirt, her hands trembling and her left eye twitching, afflicted by hearing the ugly truth. "You'll be back, Min. I'm your mother. You need me."

"Lila, can you shut up? Just shut up. Not another word from you or you get out of my house, okay!" I guess I wasn't the only one standing up to her today. "And call off your party immediately. I don't want those ass kissers in my home. Your hounds too. God, I can't believe you had the girls followed and photographed. What kind of mother are you?" That was my cue to leave.

I hugged Carla in passing, who told me how proud she was of my bravery. "I guess I can quit now. I have to make sure Lila doesn't murder your dad first. He was always a great boss, plus I still need my Christmas bonus."

I left the building with my shoulders back and my head held high, ready to face any obstacle impeding my way. I was done hiding, done pretending and done sacrificing my sanity, health and happiness for the evils in the world.

The universe granted me my emancipation from those chains restricting me from living my life how I wanted to. Today was a whole new day and I was a whole new Min.