The Next Best Thing: Part II

Fifty-One

We were sitting up at our respective sides of the bed. Eoin was on his laptop, busy at work replying to e-mails and navigating the most informal conference calls. He was the indisputable mature adult in our relationship and not just because of the age thing - I was on my phone, texting with my friends and catching up after the longest holiday we'd spent apart.

I checked my Twitter, a morning habit Eoin was only beginning to try to understand. He wasn't the biggest fan of social media, a virtual ghost in cyberspace - he didn't even have an Instagram page. Considering how beautiful his work was, I recommended he at least try it out for fun. "You'll love it," I assured him.

I learnt about the band's small at-home gig before Christmas, what Aidan had to rush off to without saying goodbye to the now very hostile Lily.

I went over their track list set for that night and noticed a few songs I'd never heard of, the few songs Mitchell had never run past me. He would make sure I had a preview of everything to come just in case I thought it was crap and wouldn't bother buying it. He hadn't done that in a while, not that I blamed him. I would just listen to it, because once upon a time I was and would forever be a big fan of theirs. Especially his.

I searched for their performance on YouTube, plugged in my earphones and tuned in. I fast-tracked to that specific song towards the end of the almost 2 hour long video, eager to listen to their new sound and contemplate investing in it.

Mitchell was speaking to the screaming crowd, perched on a short stool in the middle of the stage and holding his acoustic guitar. "This next song is a new song I wrote recently, a song I hope she hears and a song I hope she understands. It's taken too long, my apology to you. I hope you all like it and can somehow relate to it," he began vaguely.

It's taken way too long
Longer than it should have
My apology to you
Our memories,
Constantly on fast forward,
Your smile fading slowly
Your heart breaking silently,
I watched it breaking

I want to feel again
Feel you again
Your smile back on your face
Your heart back in its place
I want to love again
Love you again
Even from afar
At least we got this far

It's taken way too long
Longer than it should have
Acceptance, self-forgiveness
My mistakes
A few steps away from recovery
Taking it all stride
I have nothing left to hide
Wish you were by my side

I want to feel again
Feel you again
Your smile back on your face
Your heart back in its place
I want to love again
Love you again
Even from afar
At least we got this far

He makes you feel again
Feel yourself again
That smile, beautiful on your face
Your heart, safe in its place
You want to love again
Love him now
And even from afar
At least I got this far

I love you
But I have to let go
I love you
Always and forever know.

It was an emotional and heartfelt goodbye, him moving on from us the best way he knew how. I saw the look in his face, his eyes, one of my favourite things about him. He was genuine and honest, forgiving with himself, forgiving me, us, for what we'd done to each other. He loved me and I loved him. That was what was to remain of any semblance of an 'us'.

I was happier now, healthier and in a better place from our toxic and addictive relationship. I wanted him to have what I had: he deserved to. It put a smile on my face and a few tears in my eyes. I was in disbelief. But I was relieved that it was finally over. We were finally free.

"You should talk to him," Eoin offered. I caught him watching me silently, interest and curiousity written on his face.

"Excuse me?" He caught me off guard, his words and his attitude towards my ex not typical for a new relationship.

"Mitchell. You should talk to him. You obviously have a lot to say to each other," he repeated, turning to face me.

"And you're okay with that?" I asked him skeptically. He nodded his head yes.

"I like the guy and I know you do to. Talk to him, okay? It'll make everything easier."

I wasn't sure if this was a trap, Eoin's way of testing if I was committing to our relationship. He meant everything he said, looking out for me and my wellbeing, concerned as always about me. I guess to him this was one of those relationships he knew I still cherished and needed in my life. I wasn't so sure if Mitchell felt the same though. Maybe we'd never be able to salvage our relationship.

When Eoin was in the shower, I called Mitchell, nervous and afraid that he wouldn't pick up - he did.

"Mitchell?"

"Hi Zoe," he greeted in a monotone. I didn't expect a voice laced with a lot of emotion. But I didn't expect him to be cold.

"Hi, Mitchell. How are you? Are you okay?" I wanted to know how he was doing, worried as a worried friend could be.

"Yes, I guess I am. I've been waiting for your call," he responded honestly. "We need to talk." Obviously.

"Yeah, I agree. I want to do it in person though. I miss you and I need to meet up with you. Is lunch okay, when we're both in New York?" I proposed.

"It's fine. I miss you too." He meant that too.

We exchanged a few more pleasantries before we both hung up, the easier part of our reconciliation out of the way.

I ran a palm down my face and sighed, falling back onto the bed. Old me would break down right now, wanting him back, my forever and always. Of course I didn't think that way anymore, not since I accepted change and allowed Eoin into my life. I had a boyfriend that I was just starting to fall in love with. It was the most amazing feeling to know that I could feel something for someone again.

That someone exited the bathroom in a small towel wrapped loosely around his waist, drying his hair in the doorway, glistening and dripping water onto the floor.

My eyes travelled up his body: his athletic calves, his muscular, almost feminine thighs, his slim waist and chest; up to his face, his precious blue eyes, his pink, plump lips and his dirty blonde hair, cascading down his back.

"All done?" he asked and I nodded my reply, too engrossed in this picture to speak. "Babe, you're staring at me." He sounded surprised, shocked that I'd ever look at him with such intense scrutiny.

I was high-fiving myself internally, patting myself on the back for a job well done on moving on with my life. Look at me! I was blessed with a new and amazing guy, easy on the eyes too.

"Zoe, you're staring at me. Why?" He came up to me, planting himself, familiarly, on my lap. He parted his legs - they hung off the bed like mine. I gave him an affectionate kiss on his cheek and whispered in his ear.

"Come and join me, please?"

I took his hand and led him back into the shower, undressing shyly in front of him and stepped into the hot water. He quickly dropped his towel and joined me, pulling me to him under the showerhead. We stood there, together, holding each other for most of it, in love with being so close to each other without being intimate. This was me moving on.