Starting Over (ITILMBBF Sequel)

Dead Quiet

I'm out of the bar so fast the stripes on my shirt look like the Doppler effect. Apparently Adam was taken off the field in the final fifth teen minutes on a stretcher. They had to use a defibrillator to restart his still heart. He had been missing plays all game and even from the stands I could see something wasn't right, but I had promised him it wasn't my business anymore.

God, I was such an idiot. How did I think Adam doing coke would be okay? How had I traded my brother's life for a little bit of freedom? I never should've agreed to Adam's idea to keep our lives separate. I should've told Chace, Coach Orsen, our parents. I should've told anyone who could've gotten through to him.

My hands shook in my lap as tears trickled down my cheek. I must look like an absolute mess on the local bus, but it's barren of people. The only other person here is an older woman in the way back knitting. Besides I'm too preoccupied to give a fuck what I look like. My brother is in the hospital. My brother had a heart attack.

In retrospect I should've stopped at my locker and gotten my bag with my change of clothes and my phone. I was dying to call Chace and ask how Adam was doing. We might not be in a good spot right now, but Adam's well being came first. Adam had to come first.

God, what college kid has a heart attack? Adam was only nineteen. Nine-teen. He was so young and had his whole life ahead of him. He was going to play in the NFL. He was going to hook up with girls until he eventually gave me a sister in law. He was my protective big brother; strong and tough and healthy. He was the fittest guy I knew!

My legs jumped up and down, bouncing against the seat. Could this bus move any faster? I felt like I was going to have my own heart attack waiting to see Adam. I had to get there and find out if my brother was okay. Even when we reached my stop, I would have to run the three blocks to the hospital and take the time to find out what room he was in. I was regretting not bringing my phone.

Everything until this moment seemed so petty now. Being afraid to 'rat' on my brother. Worrying about my social status and Cynthia. The dumb need to assert my independence. Staying away from Chace and lying to him.

He was the love of my life- and everything could be gone in the blink of an eye. I had been so angry at him when we ended things that we spent the next year fighting because we were too afraid to trust each other. And then when we were finally together again I'd proven him right by lying straight to his face in an effort to protect my damn pride.

My brain was too frazzled to make anything out of this at the moment, though I'd have to give some serious thought to Chace later. Right now the only thing that mattered was being there for Adam to get better. He had to get better.

I stare out the window of the bus, watching the dark night pass me by. Lights are flicked on at businesses and bars as we get closer to the heart of Miami. I'd never taken the bus out here before. One of my guys was always available to drive in their cars and as the yellow lights of a ghost town blur with my tears, I think about how Adam always made sure I had a ride to and from.

I think about my big brother protecting me, how he'd always been there for me. Whether it was to cheer me in my youth soccer league or to give me boy advice. I think about the time we were at Grandma's and a stranger pulled up. How I'd stepped forward to answer her question in naivety, but Adam pulled me back and ushered us inside the house. How he'd threatened Cam and Chace alike not to break my heart despite his differing relationships with the two. How his heart's so big he could never tell me no and now it's literally broken. It can't pump the essence of what keeps us alive.