That Place

That question

Next morning
Jin's Pov

I woke up. I felt I was holding someone. I opened my eyes further to see myself holding my roommate.

What the fuck?

Why the fuck am I holding his hands. Did something happen yesterday. Shit what the fuck did I do.

Oh no no no. I am screwed.

I saw Joon sitting on the stool, his eyes closed. Maybe he fell asleep sitting like that. Shit that's gonna hurt later.

I moved a little, but maybe I shouldn't have. I woke him up.

"Hey, good morning." He said while rubbing his eyes. I could see he didn't sleep a wink last night.
"Oh hey good morning." I said.

"What happened to you at night?"

"Huh? What happened to me?"

Did something happen to me at night?
I don't seem to remember anything.

I could see his eyes laced with concern. I wonder what happened.

"Oh you don't remember?"

I nodded my head in response.

He filled me in, telling me what happened at night.

I was at a loss of words. How could I not remember anything of it. I still don't seem to remember anything. The heck is wrong with me. Ugh.

There was a part of me who wanted to remember, at least know what the heck made me spiral like that. But at the same time I didn't.

I did not wish to know what could possibly be this devanstating in my dreams that made me do what I did.

Namjoon smiled a little and said, "You also said, 'Don't go' and held my
t-shirt. How could I say no to something so cute."

He chuckled
"Oh my god. I am so sorry for yesterday. I was not in my right mind. I was drunk."

He lifted one of his eyebrow, "They don't allow us to drink here."

Oh shit. I forgot. I facepalmed myself internally as hard as I could.

Couldn't embarrass myself more.

He laughed and said, "It's okay don't worry 'bout it," and ruffled my hair.

I, for one, am not a person who would  want someone to hold me. But this oddly felt good.

Our eyes met. His eyes were like an ocean, one could easily get lost in them. I know what I thought was a bit clichè, but ehh I thought what I thought.

He took a deep breathe. Our hands were still intertwined, both forgetting about that.
He said,"Are you okay?"

I could see him contort his face in discomfort. Maybe he realised the moment he asked me this question that it was stupid.

It was stupid for him to ask me if i was okay. Was I supposed to be okay? I don't think so. I don't deserve to be okay.

I blinked my eyes really fast. He kept looking at me.

Don't keep looking at me. Because if you are looking for an answer to that question. Don't keep any expectations.

I unlocked our hands and went outside the room. I didn't mean to look rude, and I know that he understood what I felt.

Because he looked like a person who could understand someone's pain, someone's story, without actually hearing it.

I left the room.

I left the room because I had no answer to that question.