Quiet Nights

night eight

1:05 am.

I was not where I was supposed to be. I was not out in the nature with the darkness and crisp air enveloping me. Not surrounded by trees and not by the person who I had longed to see all day.

Instead, here I was sitting on my bed, contemplating if I should go or not.

I was having second thoughts and I don't know why.

Do I really want to get to know him?
What if he's a serial killer?

All these crazy ideas went through my mind, but then as I kept thinking more of Xavier, I remembered that he had basically implied that he had no one since they all ran away. So was he depending on me to go tonight?

And then I thought, maybe I could be his no one for a while. Or at least until I didn't runaway.

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Reaching my destination, I saw smoke drifting away into the air. I sighed realizing he would never listen to me.

"I was beginning to think that you had runaway already." Sitting down next to him he exhaled the smoke right in my face causing me to cough for about a minute straight.

"Lovely greeting." I managed to say. Xavier didn't say anything, he just flickered his cigarette away and we sat in silence.

Awkward silence.

Taking glances at his dark figure I decided to break the ice. "So um how was your day?" Awkwardly asking the question I hated myself for asking it right away.

"Intoxicating." Was his simple answer. "What about yours?"

"Full of shit." Everyday was the same because I would see him and he made sure to make me miserable every.single.fucking.day. I just can't wait for the day when I don't care about him anymore.

"Sucks. My day sounded better. You should try out my lifestyle."

Rolling my eyes, I laid back, my hands resting behind my head. "I'll pass."

"So how is this getting to know you thing gonna work?" With my eyes closed I waited for his answer.

"Maybe it won't." My eyes shot open and I sat up.

"Seriously?" I gasped. "You're telling me that I could just be wasting my time on you?"

"Okay first of all I'm not forcing you to get to know me." Xavier's voice sounded bitter, irritated. "You can't just force answers out of me just like the way you can't make things go your own way."

"Sorry..." I trailed off not knowing what to say. It's not like I meant to sound harsh.

"Shit always happens. Something, anything can fuck up many things. Even the little things. I believe the little things cause the most damage." Xavier kept rambling on but his voice became lower than a whisper so that I couldn't hear him anymore.

"Little things cause the most damage." I agreed with Xavier because I feel like just the simplest little things is what we hold on to the most. They're what we remember so that it becomes a memory, and sometimes after a while, you remember it when you don't want to. You want to get it out of your mind, but it's so tiny that it's impossible for it to go away. So there, the little things are more than little if they create so much damage.

"I need a cigarette." Hearing the click of the lighter I sighed once again.

Deciding to lighten things up, at least I hoped so, I decided to ask him a simple. "So tell me about your friends. What are they like?"

"Don't have any."

"You must have at least one." My voice was a whisper, no stars were out as I looked at the sky.

"None, zero, nada." Voice firm, I realized getting to know Xavier was not going to be easy.

"Why don't you have any? Did they um runaway?" I wasn't sure if the last part was appropriate to ask. I just hope I didn't offend him in any way.

"No, it's more like I ran away." Letting out a drag he continued. "Friends though? What are they good for? Nothing. All they do is stab you in the back. They betray you. Every single fucking one of them."

"Not all...." Whispering I fiddled with the bottom of my shirt.

"Yes all of them! You give them your complete trust and they throw it away like it's shit! Even after everything you've done for them." Xavier immediately stood up, pacing around he started kicking branches and leaves.

"Everything is just complete shit! The world is full of shit!" He was mad. This definitely didn't brighten up the mood.

Getting up from where I sat, I walked over to his tall, dark figure. Standing about a foot away from him, he stood there in silence.

Reaching for him arm, I spoke. "Maybe if you change the way you looked at things, the things you looked at would change."