Stupidly Stupid America OneShots

Just a tad OCD. Or is that perfectionism? We may never know.

In which Spain(Antoino) becomes increasingly confused, and worried, as to why American states are so square after the Mississippi River. Oh yeah, this went weird. And uh, the ending, sorry about that.

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Romano(South Italy)'s POV

     Apparently having a meeting in America is capable of starting any conversation. Or changing one. Who knew? Me. Now anyway.

     I got stuck with the Tomato Bast*rd. My idiot brother wanted to go with Potato Bast*rd to some random restaurant. They took our car. Because Prussia and Denmark took Germany's. That is the only reason I agreed to go with Antonio. The only one. And, like Antonio does, he started a conversation. Mainly about tomato's and all the new recipes he wants to try.

     I didn't mind at first. Mostly I just nodded my head to what he was saying, giving the occasional short one word answers. What? The meeting was way to crazy for me, I'm tired. I should've never asked him if he had anything better to talk about. Hearing about recipes involving tomato's is way better than getting confused by Spain's confusion. Mio Dio.

     We had our meeting in St. Louise or whatever it's called. There's this river there, I think it's famous. I know a lot of Americans know about it. Mississippi River. Ring any bells? Yeah. Great. You know what's west of that river? States! Correct! How wonderful.

     Is there anything, maybe, odd?, you'd like to point out about these states? Right again! Cazzo di quadrato. That's right! They're square! You're so smart! Now can you guess what this bastardo is asking questions about? Exactly. Square. Fottuto. States.

And so it went, "Why would he do that? It just makes determinar which one you're in so hard. ¿Verdad Romano?"

     "Sì, qualunque cosa. It doesn't matter. I mean, it is not your country, right?" I had asked him. Maybe I should've stopped after the first bit.

     "Si, si, but it's weird, no? He didn't follow geographical lines or anything. It's like he took a ruler and drew them," he said. He sounder quite baffled, but who am I to determine that?

     "He's a child. He probably did. Besides, what's wrong with it?" Antonio had went silent. I never looked over to him, so I can't tell you what his face looked like, or what emotion he was showing. That probably would be important.

     He did speak again though, "I guess it makes me a little worried, you know?"

     "No I don't," I starred blankly out the car window. We came to a very slow section in traffic. I have no clue what he's talking about. I remember he made a weird sound, like a sort of "ohahuhm". I'm not sure.

     "Well, aside for how.. neat?, those lines are, he's also very about being clean. Have you not seen him violently retract himself and rush to the nearest washroom when he gets dirty?" A point. A very good one. However, "Yeah so? He also regularly plays sports. He's to focused on being stronger to care about getting a little mud on him."

     Again Antonio went silent. The cars in front of us were speeding up. 

     "What about all those times he's double checked the doors after he looks them? Or when he repeatedly counts things after already having done so?"

     "Are you trying to make America out as some neat freak?" I heard a grunt. I was missing something. Had I been getting at something and I had missed it.

     He started speeding up with traffic, then let out a sigh, "Sort of. I mean, these are all OCD tendencies. I think maybe America is OCD."

     "Because he made his state borders into straight lines and has his moments he's suddenly OCD? You sound like those kids on that TikTok app."

     "First of all, do not compare my to niños estúpidos. Second of all no. And yes," Antonio seemed confused about his answer, "I'm just saying. If he is OCD, there are some not so healthy tendencies that come along with it."

     I remember feeling sassy more than anything. I didn't really think to much about what 'not so healthy tendencies' meant, "I think maybe you just care about a westerner more than you'll admit."

     We started to speed, and I'm pretty sure he'd start reverting to how he drives in my country if we went any faster, "Because he's technically my son? But that's not the point!"

     "What if it's just perfectionism? I mean, that involves orderliness. And second guessing."

     "I- maybe that fits in with his random defensiveness, but still! It can be unhealthy!" There were a lot of red lights in front of us. I remember that. I didn't register that those were break lights.

     I don't think Antonio did either. He put his hand on my shoulder and I faced him, "I just don't want him falling down the same pit Arthur did once. Or Francis. They are more directly related to him," he had looked sincere. I had not cared.

     "So you admit that he's their kid?" I smirked.

     Antonio's faced went from softness to hardening in a second. He was mad at me. Over someone who wasn't in the car, "Romano! Will you just listen! I think maybe-"

     That's when I noticed. Those cars were stopped. And we were speeding towards them. We were to close to stop.

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     When I recollected that, I had used human names and nicknames. Never once did I tell our identities.

     "Is there anything else?" A red haired man in a blue uniform asked.

     I looked up at him from the bed, "I remember screaming. I leaned over for the wheel."

     "To steer the car of the road?"

     "Yes." I don't know why I'm being questioned. I'm hooked up to cords and wires and machines because the closest personification was two flights away in San Francisco. And the Tomato Bastard is still asleep.

     "Well, I can say you did a good job. However, you still rear ended the closest car to the ditch. The driver was unharmed, but you are being sued for 100,000 USD. The back of his truck was pretty much wiped off. Do I need to translate that to Euros for you Mr. Vargas?" The man said that as if he'd done this several times before.

     I shook kept head, "No, my friend will."

     "Speaking of Mr. Jones," he said, "do you know when he'll get here?"

     He's departing from San Francisco. Maybe a day?"

     "Alright, I'll leave you till then." The man left. And now America owes me.

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Just a random something I came up with. I had not intended it to go south like that, heh.

Spelling Errors exist.

Word Count: 1111