Jester (Man x Man) ✔

20) w o r r i e s

The rest of the day at the office turned into a fiasco. For some reason none of the computers could be connected to the projector and it took them hours to get the business running again. Benjamin ended up being so busy he didn't have time to plan for dinner or think about Eli's behavior earlier.

Nevertheless, when Benjamin was trying to decide what to cook and wandering around the grocery store, it did strike him as strange. It had been that way for weeks now, but gotten radically worse in just some days. Eli's nails were bitten raw, he was jittery with nerves and it seemed like he was losing weight. Yet he kept telling that nothing was wrong whenever Benjamin asked about it.

Benjamin chose a package of tagliatelle and tossed it in the shopping basket. He knew the reason for Eli's behavior, which only made the situation more frustrating. Eli refused to take Benjamin's money, no matter how many times he offered. At least he had let Benjamin fix a few job interviews for him, but those had been fruitless. Eli would eat the food Benjamin brought or made for him, but he was too stubborn and proud to ask for help.

Cooking cream, fresh herbs, mushrooms and red wine. Chocolate bars for Eli. Mint pastilles, oat milk and bread. Checkout and walk home. It was five past seven when Benjamin finally made it there and started cooking. He put on music, poured himself some wine and even danced a little while making the pasta. 

By the time the food was ready, it was already half past eight, but Benjamin picked up his laptop and started writing while waiting for Eli to come home. When he had been writing for a couple of hours, his eyes wandered to his phone more and more regularly.

At 11 pm Benjamin called Eli, but as he got no answer, he decided to wait for a while longer. After all, Eli had said he might be late. 

It was past midnight when Benjamin's phone started ringing. He had had a couple of glasses of wine, but the food was cold and untouched. He knew he should have eaten, like any other sensible person would have, but all he could get down was wine. 

No matter what, Benjamin couldn't shake the old fear of something bad happening to Eli. The thought of finding him cold and breathless or hearing from someone that he was found cold and breathless still kept Benjamin awake at nights. Especially now that something was clearly bothering Eli. 

"Is Eli with you?" Benjamin didn't even bother saying hello after he had read the name of the caller from the screen.

"What? No, I'm at FAB, but I haven't seen him." Miles' voice almost drowned in the noises of the night club. Then he talked to someone else and Benjamin couldn't make out the words.

"Ash said Eli left hours ago." Miles was back on the line. "Want me to call him?"

"No need, he'll probably be here any minute." Benjamin reassured, probably more himself than Miles. 

After the call it didn't take long before someone rang the buzzer. It was good because waiting for another minute would have driven Benjamin mad. His mind was filled with horrible images of what could have happened to Eli, and he was just about ready to start calling around while running to Eli's apartment. Then the doorbell rang and Benjamin pulled the door open.

"Where have you been? Ash said you left hours —" Eli interrupted Benjamin by pulling him into a frantic kiss.

Then he placed his hand on Benjamin's chest, pushing him against the wall on the hallway and closing the door behind. Eli leaned against him, cupping his face with his palms and his lips felt hot, almost feverish against Benjamin's. He was breathing heavily, but he didn't pull away from the kiss to gasp for air.

Benjamin forgot all about his worries, letting the familiar scent of Eli's skin fill his senses and the movements of his lips absorb him in a trancelike state. He turned them around and it was Eli's turn to stand back against the wall. Benjamin could feel the dampness of his hair and the heat radiating from his body. He could taste the saltiness of the kisses and..

"Are you crying?" Benjamin halted, trying to move away from Eli so that he could look at his face, but Eli wouldn't let him. Instead he hugged Benjamin closer and buried his face on his shoulder.

"I'm not." Eli breathed, but in contrast to his words he let out a strangled sob. His grip on Benjamin was tight like he was afraid he would lose him if he let go.

"Eli, what's wrong?" Benjamin asked, panic creeping in his voice. Eli lifted his head from Benjamin's shoulder, his eyes pressed shut and started slumping towards the ground as soon as he let go of Benjamin. His skin was ashen, like he was going to be sick any moment, and he was breathing raggedly.

"Eli, seriously, what's going on?" Benjamin demanded again, holding Eli from underneath his armpits to keep him from falling to the floor. Eli didn't say anything and his eyes remained shut when tears kept flowing on his cheeks. 

"Just h-hold me tonight, please." He sobbed quietly and Benjamin noticed a slur in his voice. He didn't say anything about it, when he helped Eli to the bedroom. Eli could barely stand and his movements were slow and cumbersome.

"Shh, it's okay." Benjamin murmured, helping Eli to lie down after pulling off the cover. He took off Eli's combat boots and his leather jacket. All the while Eli wouldn't stop crying and the sobs were quiet but despondent and heart-rending. 

"It's going to be okay. Just breathe." Benjamin kept whispering while he laid down next to Eli and embraced him tightly, which only made Eli cry more. Something was wrong. It wasn't just sobering up, it wasn't something that would be all better in the morning. Something was really wrong, and the thought frightened Benjamin.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." Eli sobbed comfortlessly and gripped the fabric of Benjamin's shirt tightly. After that he didn't utter a word. He just cried and cried until exhaustion got the better of him and he fell into a restless sleep. 

••••

Early in the morning, when Benjamin laid on the bed on his side, he was afraid of waking Eli up. Instead he let his arm stay around Eli's waist exactly like it had been when he woke up moments ago. Eli had been sleeping restlessly, consumed by nightmares and waking up in tears before falling back asleep again. Although Benjamin was dying to know what was wrong, he also dreaded knowing it.

Eli stirred in his sleep, let out a quiet groan when the light hurt his eyes and quickly covered them with his forearm. Even then, when Benjamin knew he was awake, he didn't utter a word. He was buying time, trying to drag out the moment. Then Eli let his arm fall from his face and opened his eyes.

"My head is killing me." He complained. Then he blinked, seeming to remember something, and his face went blank. Benjamin just stared at him wordlessly. Eli didn't say anything for such a long while it felt like an eternity. 

"I.. I did something really stupid." He admitted eventually. Eli's face was so bleak that Benjamin lifted his hand to caress his cheek, trying to comfort him.

"What did you do?" Benjamin whispered, his voice sounding distant to his ear.

"I think I cheated on you." Eli said slowly, blinking fresh tears to his cheeks. Benjamin pulled his hand away from Eli's face and rose to lean on his elbows, but he was unable to get up. Time had stopped and it felt like his heart was about to do the same.

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I kind of hate this part of the plot, still for some enigmatic reason I've decided to go with it. I'm terribly sorry, but it's gonna be a bumpy ride. PS. I hope you've read the content warnings of this story, just to stay safe.