The loss of innocence...

Chapter 10: His Mistake

The silence was killing me. Aubrey hasn't said a single word. Nor has she even blinked. Is she in shock? I waved my hands in front of her face. She held up her hand as if to silence me.

I'm not sure what to do. My legs felt as if they were going to give out from underneath me. My palms we're sweaty, and I could feel my heart beating a million miles a minute. I felt like I couldn't get the air into my lungs fast enough. My chest began to hurt. I was having a damn panic. attack.

"Kaya? " I looked up to her. I haven't had a panic attack in years. Get ahold of yourself please. "Baby calm down." I tried to focus on her words.

"Breathe sweetheart, slow steady breaths." I knew she was right. I had to keep my breathing even. Slowly I got my breath back. Now I feel stupid. I couldn't meet her eyes.

"Kaya talk to me" what do I tell her? That the father is my, or was my best friend? That he forced me? " please talk to me"

"What do you want me to say?" I had to force myself to speak.

"Why didn't you tell me? How? Why? Who is the father?" She just kept shooting question after question. Damn slow down.

"Please. Slow down." I laughed nervously. God please don't let me slip up. "Well....." she took my hands into hers and pulled me down onto the couch.

Can I lie to her? I guess that would be best. "His name was....Austin. " Shit I suck under pressure. I'm sorry Austin. Her eyes got all big, like I was telling her the most interesting story. "He was....is my first love, we had to go our separate ways. He's going to school, I came here." It wasn't all a lie.

"Wait, hold up!" She screamed, and I jumped like I had been shot. " you ended up pregnant and he just let you go? What the hell? " she looked mad.

I won't ever see Austin again. What's the harm? I nodded. "He wasn't ready to be a father." I swear she shot off the couch like a freaking rocket. It was actually funny.

"It's Okay really. This wasn't planned but, this is my baby." Her eyes softened and she smiled.

"How did your parents react? Your mother?" My smile fell.

"I never exactly told them......" the room became eerily quiet. She looked stunned. "Please I'll tell them, just I can't I'm not sure how to yet." I was pleading with her.

"I don't know about this Kaya." I knew it wasn't fair to ask this of her. "I will not say a word till you tell them." Is she serious? I screamed and pulled her into a hug. Now what do I do?

"I'm sorry I have to go. Work tomorrow? " I nodded, and let go of her. She smiled and ran out. She's still just as weird as I remembered.

I breathed a sigh of relief. Could have gone better, but could have gone a hell of a lot worse too.

I seriously just fucked Austin. Not literally but how could I make him out to be the bad guy? But, I didn't want anyone to know the father was Jackson. And my baby wouldn't know either. Not if I could help it.

I looked down to my stomach. I guess It's just the two of us. I'm not entirely sure what to do. I've never been on my own, well for now. How can I be a mother? What if I make mistakes? What do I tell him or her when they ask of their father? I have a lot to figure out.

I slumped back down onto the couch and pulled out my phone. Here goes nothing.... I dialed up the number and waited while it rang.

"Hello?" I recognized my father's voice.

"Daddy?!" I miss him. "Daddy It's me!" I'm almost sure I was screaming by this point. Yea pretty sure.

"Kaya, baby are you Okay?" Just hearing his voice seemed to calm me down. Guess I kind of was screaming. My bad.

"Yes dad, I made it Okay. Just resting before work tomorrow. " I wonder what it will be like? "Is mom home?" I miss them.

"No sweetheart you just missed her. You should rest got a long day tomorrow. Love you." He says.

"I love you too." I whispered, but it was too late. He had already hung up. Well...

I guess I should get use to being alone for awhile. I got you and grabbed an extra shirt and a pair of underwear. Shower now!

I quickly stripped down and for the first time in a long time I dared to look at the mirror. Only looking at my belly though.My stomach had a small bump. You had to look closely to see it. Before I know it, I would be showing.

I quickly turned away. Turned on the shower and jumped in. The steaming hot water seemed to melt away a little of my stress. I washed my hair and body. I felt physically drained. Damn plane. I got out and dried off.

No mirrors this time.I towel dried my hair and pulled on my shirt and panties. Eeh Good enough. I slowly trugged down the hallway and as soon as I saw the bed I smiled.

I ran for it and jumped down onto the bed. My eyes felt so heavy, like cement. I could feel my eyes closing against my will.

I drifted into the same dream that's been haunting my sleep almost every night.

Dream
The music was so loud I couldn't hear anything else. I smiled as I took Austin's hand, dancing to the music. The song playing was 2 on by Tinashe. I just love the lyrics to this song.

Give me all that you got now
Make you want me cause I'm hot now
I'm gone, so faded I'm on one
Bang bang, pop off like a long gun
If you a lame,you ain't making no noise
Get faded, turn up with the big boys
Live fast, die young that's my choice
Get money, get money like an invoice

Austin pulled me close to him to whisper in my ear"be back" he passed me to my best friend Jackson. He took my hand and pulled me away from the crowd and out of the house.

"Where are we going Jack?" He smiled and pulled me toward the woods. He was always strange. He didn't stop, he kept pulling me through the trees.

Before I knew what was happening he pinned me up against a tree, his hand sliding up my shirt. I tried to push him away. What the hell is he doing? "Stop!" He covered my mouth, pushing me onto the ground. I tried pushing and kicking but there was no use. He was much stronger than me.

He uncovered my mouth and started pulling at my shirt. I took the moment to call for help.

"Please help me! Stop!" I couldn't see clearly theough the tears." Get off me! Please!!" My throat began burning. I felt my shirt being ripped.

End of dream

I woke up screaming my bloody head off. The tears wouldn't stop falling. I had an hour before I was suppose to wake up for work. I'm not sure if I can do this after all.