The loss of innocence...

my life

My entire body shook as I cried. I was sitting in the shower. No one could catch me crying in the shower. My entire body had gone numb from the cold water. But I liked it, feeling something other than sadness. With shaking hands I turned off the water. I had to force my legs to pick me up off the floor. I pulled a towel around myself and got out.

I kept my face down as I walked across the bathroom. I couldn't stand to see my reflection anymore. I towel dried then pulled on my undies, then my over sized suicide silence tee and my jeggings. No skin can show. I feel disgusted with skin showing. I felt disgusted with my own body. I pulled my hair into a messy bun, grabbed my bag and walked out.

I could hear my parents talking in the kitchen. Great I was hoping to avoid them. I walked into the kitchen.

"Morning baby girl" my mother said. They both smiled at me. All I did was nod. Their smiles faltered. I knew I was worrying them but I can't help it. I just don't feel the same. I'm not the same. I walked over to the door.

"Bye" I almost whispered. My mom smiled and my father kissed my head. I had to stop myself from cringing at his touch. I forced a smile to my face and walked out the door.

The walk to school was slow and lonely. Honestly I preferred it this way. I took my time. I slowly walked in and headed to my locker.  When I got to school I saw Austin my boyfriend of three years. I can do this. I smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Hi babe" I said. Could he tell I was faking? Apparently not.

"Hey beautiful" he kissed my lips. I felt sick to my stomach. Don't get me wrong I love Austin, very much. But since that night I can't stand to be touched. I hate it.

"Hey Austin!" I heard his voice and I froze. I couldn't even breath. I turned and watched as my boyfriend walked down the hall with the boy who raped me...