babysteps.

balcony thoughts

It's 8:30PM as I stand on my balcony with my arms crossed, leaned to the safety of my doorstep. The first wind gust hits me and brings some rain. Cold raindrops on my bare skin load up my batteries a little bit after a long and exhausting day. I take a deep breath and let this perfect, earthly scent fill up my lungs and activate a bit of serotonin. This smell will always be a home, will always make me feel safe. The lucky feeling settles in my body and I actually have the energy to smile, quite easy as it goes. As more raindrops fall from the sky, I push myself off the wall and make a few steps out on the balcony to feel them. Another gust of wind hits me, playing with my hair. I shiver with every drop hitting my arms and face, but it won't stop me from being there. I feel alive. I need nothing to lean on, I stand alone. Breathe.

The wind begins to whisper stronger and more mysterious. I dream myself into a forest and hear a few birds chirping, which I haven't noticed before. In my head, I start walking around, exploring the little glade that opened up. Flowers, where the sunlight used to find a way through the dense canopy. I hear the shy, yet calming splash of water, there must be a little source nearby. This magical place touches me deep in my heart and I don't notice the wind had turned into a storm, the trees groaning and aching. It all seems to be outside, but this place on earth I imagine myself standing on, protects me, gives me enough space and time and allows me to take a seat on the soft, mossy soil and slowly start to grow roots. Roots that will help me to get through all of this. And maybe one day, I am strong enough to hold someone who needs to hold onto something, give them comfort, safety and a feeling of home as they lean against my trunk.

As I feel a drop landing on my face, I realise it's time to leave for now. Matter of facts, I will come back.